Is my 7 year old son too old to co-sleep with me?

[Nomoreporridge]

My son ends up sleeping in my bed most nights. He can and does sleep in his own bed, but over lockdown, he has just been going straight to my bed at nighttime.

I personally don’t mind- he divides his time between me and his dad, so it’s not every night. If I’m honest, I also love the cuddles.

However, my boyfriend ( who doesn’t live with us and doesn’t have kids) says it weird and says he’s far too old to be sleeping with his mum. ( my partner never stays over when my son is home.)

It’s probably quite an easy thing to fix. He sleeps in his own room when told, but I’m reluctant to ban him coming into my bed when I’m not convinced it’s a problem.

Is this weird? Should I get my son to sleep in his own bed at this age?

No it isn't weird.
Your boyfriend is weird.
He will grow out of it.
My DS stopped wanted to sleep in my bed around age of 9.
Enjoy the snuggles while you can, he'll be heading into miserable teenage territory and locking himself in his own room 24/7 before you know it.

I don’t think this is that unusual at all. We were discussing this amongst friends recently and almost all of us had some sort of musical bed playing at night. Some people hate it and try to make sure everyone is in their own beds and some people roll with it.

I’d be wary of your childless boyfriend giving you parenting advice though. That would be a red flag for me.

At 7, I'd be concerned that there was an underlying reason why he needs to be with you at night - anxiety or an attachment issue or similar. Do you know why he wants to be in with you?

My DS is almost 7 & sleeps with me most nights (single parent but with my exH a few nights a week) I know he will grow out of it & I love sneaking into bed when he is there and holding his hand for a minute. I have a stroppy teenager so I know these times are precious.

Yes.

It’s not a problem at all. Three kids here (one older than 7) and I have no problem with any of them wanting to get into bed with us. It’s a highlight of parenting to have a snuggly little child creep into bed. I would politely disagree with ohallrightthen.

No.

Well my ds who's nearly 7 comes in with us probably 4 out of 7 nights. My just turned 12 year old has only just stopped sleeping in beside me when his dad goes on night shifts. He decided himself after his 12 birthday. If there was room I would have us all sleeping in together every night.

It's not a problem at all. Totally normal.

I would politely let your boyfriend know that parenting advice is not required. It isn't his place to tell you how to raise your ds.

Well if there is any underlying anxiety then taking away what comforts them at night is hardly going to help is it?

In many cultures co-sleeping is completely normal; we just have the remnants of Victorian uptightness when it comes to raising children. Enjoy the cuddles

Not weird. Snuggles while sleeping are nice. In some cultures it is totally normal, here is more of a mixed picture. Neither of my two want to do this unless they've had a nightmare but I wouldn't mind if they did.
The fact that he doesn't absolutely need to do it tells you it's just a nice thing to have not a needy thing. So boyfriend can keep his opinion to himself and not make you feel awkward, when they're gone they're gone.

Thanks everyone for your comments- it’s good to sense check with other parents! I don’t think there’s any underlying anxiety with my son, He just likes the cuddles. Relieved to hear I’m not creating problems further down the line. Also, boyfriend has been told his advice isn’t welcome!

I don't think it is weird, up to the age of 12 or 13 maybe later I used to sometimes get up when dad did early in the morning and get into mum and dads bed and have a cuddle with mum until the alarm went off

No. My sons both crept into my big comfy bed until they stopped wanting to.

Mine is only 20 months, but I still co sleep with him (he still wakes for formula due to not eating, complicated situation). Tbh I'll be a little sad when I get to move back to bed with DP! Ds will always be welcome to climb in until he doesn't want to anymore :)

I think one of the real problems is that there is so much judgement about co sleeping, even with tiny ones. My friends and family think it's weird I'm still in with ds, even though I'm still doing night feeds :( I dont even know what to say when they pass comment. Any ideas?

I would say something like 'we like it, it gives us a good bond, is great for emotional well-being and is doing no harm so why not'.

So many people get a bee in their bonnet that you are creating a huge emotional crutch that can't be taken away because the children have become needy, when actually I would say the opposite is true, that so much security is felt with sleepy snuggles that builds character not weakens it.
Which is not saying that those children who don't co-sleep are insecure, just that people make loads of false assumptions about rods for own backs, which are bollocks.

My youngest slept in my bed until he left primary school. His choice, his decision to stop. It was a non issue.

He liked the company, the one-to -one time ( probably as the youngest of 4 the only time of the day he wasn't in compettion for attention). We had gentle chats, and he liked listening to my music that I had on 'sleep' .

Then suddenly, overnight he stopped. Enjoy it while it lasts OP.

No, not weird. Many adults prefer to sleep close to someone, why would we expect different from children?

Am I right in thinking maybe your partner thinks it isn’t right because your child is a boy, if it were your 7 year old daughter, would he feel the same?

I don’t think it’s weird, it’s nice. He’s only a little boy still and he probs just wants some cuddles with his mum.

When he’s at his dads what are the sleeping arrangements? x

At 7, I'd be concerned that there was an underlying reason why he needs to be with you at night - anxiety or an attachment issue or similar. Do you know why he wants to be in with you?

Oh give over! He probably just enjoys a cuddle, some company, and a nice cosy bed.

@FourPlasticRings

No, not weird. Many adults prefer to sleep close to someone, why would we expect different from children?

This.

I also used to respond with 'all mammals sleep with their young' in any discussion about co-sleeping.

My 8yo slept with me for a few months at the start of lockdown, the uncertainty and worry just made him want to be next to someone. He's back in his own room now but if he needs it again it won't be an issue at all. If it makes everyone happy and you're getting plenty of rest then why not?

It’s not too old. I wouldn’t like my boyfriend saying it was ‘weird.’ It’s really nothing to do with him. Is he hoping if your son sleeps in his own room then he (the boyfriend) can sleep over more?