can anyone tell me what's gonig on?? pleae, i really need help with this!!

[firstamum]

hi! My daughter is three, n she is a kid who is very very affectionate, an very very boisterous with her lil sis (1.5 yrs), and i have a tough time getting my point across- as to what is not good behaviour- things like hitting her sister, or repeatedly poking her in the eyes, face etc- when the lil one cries- she just laughs... she also doesn't do things if she's told- she does the opposite!!
Now my first and foremost concern is her habit of just lying on the sofa, and squeezing her legs together- as if she is tryin to stop having to wee... i can't be sure what she is doing...
and can anyone please help me here???? she doesn't seem to be in pain, and she doesn't stop even if i tell her to... in any way possible...i obviously have failed at trying to make her stop- i've tried distraction, games, involving her in my task etc...

It sounds like she is getting a nice feeling from it - lots of girls do this. Some lie on their tummies and kind of jiggle about, or they might rub their genitals with a toy or whatever. It's really normal. I think as she gets older you can explain that touching or squeezing there feels nice, but that it is a private thing, and she should do it in her bedroom. It sounds like she is probably doing it to relax a bit when she is stressed.

thanks, i do think you're right... will try to talk to her if she attempts to understand- otherwise i'll just get her involved in something like a book or game with me (she never passes up a chance to do that!).. i guess my ultimate embarrassment came when i was at the checkout line at a mothercare store, with her in the stroller, going at it for all she ws worth.. tbh she ws tired that day, had missed her nap and i felt sorry for her, alarmed at the inappropriateness of the whole scene- there were a few men about too... i mea ncan you imagine?? I felt i could just disappear away.. with my child somewhere... adn of course, the more i told her not to do it, the more she did... i have seen she usually does it if she's tired and wants to go to sleep- say a nap, or at bedtime...

Don't worry, it's just a habit, like thumb sucking, or hair twiddling, it's just a way of comforting herself, but of course to adult eyes it is embarrassing. Just tell her that her genitals are private and that we don't touch them in public even though it feels good - not quite sure how you word this as she is not touching them with her hands - but you can explain.

I have seen little girls do this before when they are tired and some do it to get themselves to sleep. As she gets older she will leanr to keep it private.

thanks again, frannyandzombie! you've put my mind at ease, somewhat! She just started nursery school today, being that she's three and is now entitled to an EL place. The nursery, run by our council is really nice, very different from the school nursery. The whole experience was fun. I stayed with her today, but i will leave her there tomorrow, hoping she has a good time!

Glad nursery went well - that sounds lovely.

You know, when she was sitting in the pushchair, was it really that noticeable? If she is just squeezing her legs together, I would not have thought most people would notice at all. It might not be as obvious as you think.