Toddler poo withholding is going to give me a breakdown

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

My 2.5 year old has always hated pooing. We decided to potty train her a few weeks ago because she was refusing a nappy and wanted to wee and poo on the floor.

She picked it up pretty quickly but has now decided that she won't poo at all. Which is causing her pain. She'll hold it in to the point that she's constantly soiling herself with tiny fragments and smears of poo.

Her poor bum is really sore from the constant dirtiness and wiping.

We've taken her to the doctor to rules out any physical problems and have been prescribed lactulose for her twice a day.

The constant crying and soiling is pushing me to the brink of a breakdown. Although I'm outwardly calm and positive.

I've tried books about poo, reward charts, letting her watch me poo, talking about poo, the Pooland app, high fibre foods etc.

She tells me her tummy hurts constantly (because she always needs to poo but is holding it in) and it's dominating our every waking hour.

I'm having to combine childcare with a full time job and am 4 weeks pregnant after 4mcs so just really need her to help me out here and poo literally anywhere. Potty, nappy even floor would be better.

She's back in nappies right now because she's asked for them.

It took a long time for my son to poo on the toilet.
We ended up bribing him with the promise of goldfish like Peppa Pig!

I don't actually care where she poos any more - as long as she just poos.

I've bought a crate load of Peppa Pig toys from Facebook marketplace that I'm planning to use as bribes to just poo

I gave dd syrup of figs so that she had nice soft stools, and couldn't really help but poo.
After a few times she got her head around pooing on the potty and never had a single accident

You poor thing, that is hard. I'm glad you have taken her to your doctor about it, the lactulose may help. However I am sure that time will sort it out, especially if you don't make an issue of it; just relax, play, do ordinary things and don't mention it until it happens. So many children go through this phase, parents worry about it more than the kids. It's a shame that she has tummy ache but after a while she'll associate that with wanting to 'go'.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, that's great news! I hope all goes well for you. Something to look forward to when this pandemic is over.

She might find it easier in the bath, especially if she crouches down in the bath to play. I think it sounds like you’re doing everything you can, I would just keep going for now. The charity ERIC are brilliant and have a helpline if you haven’t tried them already it might be worth a call.

A warm bath with plenty of toys so she stays in for a while? It might get things moving.

Have you tried the book everybody poos .. it about animals and has a child in it. It's great, no pressure.

High fibre foods should be given moderation as without enough water they can cause constipation and then soft poo can squeeze around the blockages. Could this be an issue ? Lots of squash to make them drink helps.

That's a tough one, OP.
The problem with constipated kids is that their sensibility lowers in the rectum because they are used to pass really big stools that hurt. They then are scared to poop and it then becomes a vicious cycle where they don't want to poop and the amount of poop accumulated grows. A toddler can be constipated even if they have a poop everyday if the stools are not a chocolate spread consistency.
My wee one went through something similar, though we weren't potty training. She was very constipated and was prescribed lactulose. We were baffled as her diet was very high in fiber and low in sugar, as per official guidelines (lots of broccoli, peas, etc). It took a long while but we realised that she didn't agree with greens (too much fiber can be a bad thing) and that she needed more sugar. Lactulose is pure sugar by the way, but health visitors will make you feel bad for giving juice to little ones... I had never given juice to her and she just wouldn't have it.
We ended up going on an almost liquid fruity diet for a few days until her poop started to be soft and not painful to pass. After that (when she wasn't full of shit, literally) we made sure that she has at least a couple of fruity pouches a day (pear and prunes work great), as well as live yoghurt. Beans are also a great source of protein that's high in fiber that seems to agree with her, but I suppose it's a matter of trial and error.
If I were you I'd try to get rid of all the crap she might be storing and then work from there. If you are not sure that this is the problem you can ask for a scan, that's the only way to know for sure.
Sorry for the long post, I know how stressful it is. Good luck, OP!

If you get really desperate and she’s distressed you could try glycerin suppositories. The GP would need to prescribe them. I would also second giving her pear or prune Ella’s Kitchen pouches. I mix the prune with yoghurt as they’re quite a strong taste.

For my wee girl, I downloaded lots of kids games on her tablet. Sat her on the toilet when I felt she was needing, and distracted her with the games until nature took its course. 😂 she was so busy playing that she forgot where she was and unclenched. It took about 10 mins of playing the first time, then I went overboard with the praise/sweets, etc and she's been ok since.

I've heard that blowing up balloons or blowing bubbles helps release the muscles too, and can help? So sit her on the toilet and blow, and that might help things along.

Fingers crossed it'll happen soon.

Congratulations 🤗

Thank you for all your advice- it's much appreciated. I love my child to bits but she's so wilfull (and has been since birth) that every stage has been a struggle. She's obsessed with doing things her way! And as a natural consequence of that, she's decided that actually, she's just not going to poo at all any more.

A lot of this advice is too advanced for us - she's not pooing at all, in any place. She must have a sphincter like a bear trap because she manages to clench and suck the poo back up each time.

She's having an ellas prune pouch a day (two yesterday) but still managed to hold tight and not poo.

I'm hoping there isn't a blockage as when she's asleep she'll occasionally birth a nice big poo sausage. Although now she's got wise to her sneaky body and wakes up midway and forces it back in.

I've ordered some syrup of figs and am hoping the lactulose kicks in today (and it will clear any blockage she might have).

I'm going to put the potty away for a bit out of sight too in case that's giving her anxiety.

We had this, and tried soft methods for ages. It was a problem from 2,5 years until now at 7 (seriously). He has had to go on daily infant Movicol now for several years. My gp says he should have been on Movicol a long time ago. So I’d use proper medicine for some time - a large amount to remove the blockage and then a daily smaller amount to ensure a daily poo. This keeps their rectum toned so they don’t develop a long term problem.

GP recommending this website: www.eric.org.uk/bowel-problems-faqs

If your GP isn’t following the ERIC guidance with the daily lactulose you have been prescribed, you may want to ask again.

We have also had a long term poo withholder and I can say that I know exactly where you are at, because it felt like it would break us too! She would be in pain constantly and therefore also in a terrible mood, which would hang over everyone like a black cloud. Our lives seemed to be dictated to by whether a 2 year old had had a poo or not!! So you have my full sympathy, I know how it feels. We got short shrift from our GP at the start and I think that made things a lot worse in the long run. Things I would suggest - you need to either assume she has an impaction (a build up of it around which stuff leaks) or get her checked by someone who knows what they’re talking about. You need to get her on Movicol not lactulose as its full of sugar and the Movicol is dissolved into her drink. She basically needs lots more of it, especially if she has an impaction. We we’r told to increase the dose until she was pooing once a day - and it took a lot!! Then it’s a regular daily dose of whatever is needed to force the habit of going once a day. It’s not a quick win, and like the poster above our 2 year old withholder is now a 7 year old still on Movicol! But it hasn’t been a ‘problem’ like it was for a long time now, only if we try to stop the Movicol. Basically once they’ve held on for a while it becomes a reflex to do it which is hard to break and will take time - and lots of Movicol! The recommendation to speak to the charity ERIC or at least get on their website is a great one, they are set up exactly for this kind of problem and have a helpline (in non pandemic times at least!). Getting her in the bath as often as possible is also a great idea, always seems to get things moving (until she twigged of course then tried to avoid getting in the bath!).

My ds is 4 and has this problem. It rules my life. I also seem to get the blame from his dad and my mum sometimes. Apparantly he will sit on the toilet and do a poo when he's at his dads house but here he screams and cry's if I take him to sit on the toilet. He is literally terrified and I feel it is in humane to force him to sit in it when he is so scared. Plus the fear and crying will just tighten up his muscles even more! My mum constantly reminding me he will get bullied when he starts school if he keeps pooing his pants. It breaks my heart the thought of that but I don't know what else to do

Both my kids did this until they were 4. Every single night after refusing to poo in the potty/toilet my son would do a humongous one in his nappy as soon as he fell asleep. We tried everything but the critter would not do it

We have had the same problem here, much better with daily movicol. I'd definitely recommend trying to get it prescribed by Gp. Still no closer to potty training but at least she isn't holding the poo in anymore 🙄

Also our gp prescribed hydrocortisone and recommended metanium nappy cream (you can get it in Tesco etc) which healed before bum.

Lactulose is awful stuff, and actually made my pain from constipation worse. The wind was awful.
Laxido or movicol are much better

Dd was scared of pooing not in a nappy. We treated it like a phobia where you gradually accustom them to it rather than cold turkey. Had to put a nappy on her for a poo. Then she sat on the potty to poo with a nappy on. All done with rewards for each stage. Then sat on potty with side of nappy torn a bit. Then both sides torn. Then nappy laid across potty. Then nappy in loo (then fished out) Each stage repeated until she was comfortable with it.
She became a normal pooer after that. Gradual stages.
She did develop a phobia of something unrelated at age 7/8 which we again had to get her accustomed to gradually until she got over it. She's now quite a chilled teenager

It must be so uncomfortable!! Not a fix-all solution, but dried apricots really get things going. Try giving her 3 or 4 in the morning and see if they make a difference.

Poo withholder here 🙋🏻‍♀️

DD was on Movicol from being around 1 and only recently stopped, that's only because it seemed to stop helping, she now takes a medicine instead.

We found that DD would hold her poo, it got hard so would hurt to pass, then withhold more. It got almost to the point where she was impacted. With the GP's advice, we basically gave her lots of Movicol to make her stools super loose. She was then able to pass them without pain. Once we were confident that any and all the hard stuff had passed, we dialled back the Movicol.

We've found that dairy makes her worse - milk, cheese, yogurt. If she has too much dairy she still gets a bit bunged up.

As PP have said, clearing out and pooping regularly are different - the stool may harden near the rectum but poo behind tjay is softer, it just passes around the hard part.

Hi op

This was my child when they were a toddler. It was a total NIGHTMARE.

Our GP referred us to a paediatrician, whom we saw within 2 weeks as we went private. But this was after weeks of what you describe and us doing everything other posters are suggesting.

They prescribed lots of lactose and sennokot(?) A GP wouldn't prescribe this for a toddler.

Things did get things moving and resolved the issue after a few weeks.

I feel your pain. And if one more person said to me just get them to drink some orange juice and it will resolve everything I would have screamed.

I hope you get a resolution soon.

Sorry you're going through this. Only people who've experienced it can understand how frustrating it is.
My Ds5 went through this for nearly 2 years. Try and get laxido for your DD as lactulose is rubbish. Laxido draws water in to the bowel and forces them to go.
Put her on the toilet at regular intervals for 10-15 minutes just to get her in to that routine and try and do a couple of pushes.
We were lucky that my DS school were very helpful with this and carried on what we were doing at home.
Blowing bubbles on the toilet also helps as you can't hold those muscles while blowing.
And the rest is up to her. The only thing keeping me going was knowing that one day my DD would just "get it" and he did! One day he just decided he was going to poo on the toilet and he did. The rest is history. Since then there's been around 2 occasions a few days long where he's withheld but they've occurred when there's been a change in his life (dad coming back from tour etc). We kept him on a maintainace dose of laxido for around a year and now he doesn't take it anymore and it pooing consistently.

We have been close to this scenario a couple of times.

The key for us was to remove any pressure whatsoever about pooing, even if that means going back to nappies or a phase of pooing in knickers.

Also, giving DD control over what she can have control over, so the choice of where to do the poo: potty, toilet, nappy, pull up). I think DD needs to feel in control of it.

For us keeping the pressure off includes not being too dramatic about the way we praise when she does a poo as this makes too big a deal of it sometimes.

At 2.5, a reward chart did help DD. It actually led to her having a phase doing three poos a day as she wanted the stars (not that bothered by the reward for filling the chart, she just liked the stars).

We seem to be out the other side with this now, but I really feel your pain OP. It just feels like poo is ruling your life!

I make sure DD drinks plenty. There was a day last week where she drank a lot less than usual and didn't want to poo that day or the following day so now I'm really encouraging the liquids.