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Original poster

I am a really terrible mother

28 replies

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 08:39

Took my two sons for a walk yesterday to the park. They are 1 and 2. We have to cross a very busy road to get to the park gates, but the park gates are opposite my house.
We had a lovely time in the park and on the way home we walked up the path to the main gates and I asked ds2 to get back on the buggy board to cross the road. He wouldn't and threw himself to the ground. I tried a couple of times to get him onto the board and he wouldn't go, so I held his hand. We started to cross the road and he tried to pull away as we were crossing. I panicked and pulled him towards me. He then did his ususal trick of crumpling his legs under him so in order to get him out of the middle of a very busy road I ended up walking with him the last couple or metres, holding his wrist but with his legs dangling. I was pushing the buggy and buggy board at the same time.
His arm is now very sore. I took him to casualty yesterday straight away. The doctor said it was pulled arm and that once his elbow had clicked he would be better. Well he's not this morning. He can't move his arm and is crying and I have to take him back to hospital. He had an x-ray yesterday and there was no fracture, but the poor little lad is clearly in a lot of pain. He slept well last night. I feel terrible about it and can't stop crying. dh said I did what I had to get him out of the road. Still think I must be the worst parent in the world. I should have picked him up to cross the road (pushing a buggy and buugy board whilst carrying a very heavy little lad is hard though - but it would have meant we wouldn't be where we are now) I feel so terrible.

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Clayhead · 08/10/2004 08:42

KBsMum, you did the right thing surely? Better a pulled arm than a road accident. I have a 1 yo and a 2 yo and a buggy board and have had the crumpled legs situation too. You HAVE to get them off the busy road, which you did.

Please don't feel bad, I agree with your dh.

throckenholt · 08/10/2004 08:44

You couldn't know that something we all do from time to time would end up being a bigger problem. I have certainly ended up carrying my son in the same way - usually with wriggling and kicking and me mutting under my breath.

It is tough being a parent of toddlers, and he has to learn that there are times when he has to do what you say.

Try and work out a way that you can avoid the situation again - maybe a rule that he has to hold on to the pushchair, or stand on the board when crossing roads.

Kids get hurt sometimes - you will have to go through it again before they grow up (my first trip to casualty they said - 3 boys ? well we will be seeing you again a few times !).

Original poster

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 08:51

Thanks.
The rule is he STANDS on the buggy board when crossing roads. But yesterday he wouldn't on the way back. He writhed and wriggled and screamed next to a very busy road.
I am put off taking him out with the buggy board again. I have only just got rid of the cumbersome and horrible double buggy.
The first thing he said when he woke up this morning was "MUMMEEEE! My arm's sore" He burst into tears (I went into the loo and did the same).
I feel so dreadful.

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Angeliz · 08/10/2004 08:59

KBsMum, i hope he's feeling better soon and don't beat yourself up- you did it so he didn't get run over!!!
(I'm sure we've all done it at one time or another, i know yesterday i had my daughter hand in an iron grip in a very busy town centre when she dedided to try to go the other way!!)

Original poster

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 09:04

...yes, but I can't believe I am the cause of so much pain in my own little lad - whether I had to do it or not....
His arm is hanging by his side and he hasn't moved it all morning

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throckenholt · 08/10/2004 09:08

it is probably bruised - it will ease in a couple of days.

Maybe you can sit down and talk to him - say how much it frightened you on the busy road and how he has to behave properly there. Say you are really upset that he got hurt - the problem is he has to help you when you are crossing roads so that no-one gets hurt.

He might be a bit young but it will probably help you both it you can talk about what happened and why he is hurting now.

Angeliz · 08/10/2004 09:11

yes i agree with throckenholt, if you have a nice chat you might both feel better.

JuniperDewdrop · 08/10/2004 09:18

KBs every one of us has done something we feel so very guilty about so don't be so hard on yourself (((hug)))

If you weren't such a good mum you wouldn't even give it a second thought

eefs · 08/10/2004 09:22

DS1 once decided to run away from me when we were crossing the road - I had ds2 in the buggy and ds1 was supposed to be on the buggy board. There was a car coming and I couldn't manouvere very well with the buggy board catching my feet. I had to grab DS1's coat and almost drag him across, poor child nearly choked - he was upset for a while but I felt it was the better ending then if he'd gotten away. I know the feeling of panic that they are going to get out of your grip and there's nothing you could do to keep them safe then. I think you did what you had to do - it was unintentional and your only aim was to keep him safe. please don't beat yourself up over this - he'll get better soon, which might not have been the story if he'd managed to get away from you.
(((hugs)))

melsmum · 08/10/2004 09:29

please dont worry - we all agree we would have done exactly the same. dont beat yourself up. you are a good mum.

Original poster

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 09:29

thanks

I am going back to hospital in half an hour. They wanted him to see the fracture expert if it hadn't improved in the morning. It hasn't improved. If anything it has gotten worse.

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secur · 08/10/2004 09:29

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 08/10/2004 09:33

DH did this to DS1 (18m at the time) pulling him out of the road near a speeding car. Of course he felt bad about it but the alternative could have been much worse. Did the doctor actually click your DSs elbow back in? DS1 recovered instantly when his was done.

I hpe your DS is better soon - he'll forget abut it and you can spoil him with a treat to make yourself feel better. It's a very easy thing to do and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

unicorn · 08/10/2004 09:35

kbsmum, if it is any consolation my ds elbow was clicked out of joint by another little boy at a kids party (he's 2.9)... he couldn't move it... went to casualty- where it was x-rayed, and then had to wait about 3 hours before seeing doc... during this time he played in play room.. and it 'clicked' back in again!!!!

Apparently joints are very flexible at this age, and this happens a lot.
I'm surprised your doctor didn't know how to click it back in... apparently it is quite an easy (!!!) thing to do.
Don't beat yourself up about it please... think of what could have happened on that road... you did the right thing.

Good luck at hospital.

Original poster

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 09:42

... yes the doctor did click it back in and said he saw this sort of thing hundreds of times. That made me feel momentarily better. The doc said that the arm would be better after a few minutes and my son would start using it again. Well it was not and he did not. And this morning it is worse. So it isn't just a pulled arm is it?
I am worried that they have missed a fracture, which is why they told me to bring him back at 10:30 today - to get the fracture expert to look at the x-rays.
I really won't be able to forgive myself if I have fractured his arm

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SoupDragon · 08/10/2004 09:45

He could just have strained all the tendons & muscles around the elbow. Don't feel bad (of course, you will continue to feel bad - it's part of motherhood), you had no real choice in the middle of a busy road.

melsmum · 08/10/2004 10:10

i think it sounds like its just really bruised and swollen and thats whats hurting and looks bad (just hoping for the best for you!) i remember when i first had my dd i told my mum one day that i was really worried (cant remember what about) and she said "youre a mum now youll be worried for the rest of your life" she was right! hope all is well when you go to the hossie xxx

gscrym · 08/10/2004 10:30

Hugs to you and your DS. What you did was better than what I've seen some parents do, just let their kids take a huff in the middle of the road. Whatever the fracture expert finds, your ds will be fine soon. You aren't a terrible parent. Your're a very good parent for doing the best by your kids.

Original poster

KBsMum · 08/10/2004 13:33

He had another x-ray and the doc could still not find anything. Poor boy can't move his arm still.
I still feel terrible.
I have to take him back on Monday if things haven't improved for him...

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edam · 08/10/2004 14:07

Oh KB, how awful for you. As everyone has said, you did the right thing; however painful it is, a bad arm is better than an injury from coming into contact with a car (I was hit by a car travelling VERY slowly last year. Still took me about two months to recover. And a child would have been far more badly injured due to difference in height). Hope this clears up very soon.

secur · 08/10/2004 14:19

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scaltygirl · 08/10/2004 14:49

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efmach · 08/10/2004 18:05

KBsMum, don't be hard on yourself. These things happen. My son managed to dislocate his arm on Christmas Eve night a few years ago. The doctor had to click it back into place but I clearly remember him not using his injured arm for a couple of days after that. I've got a video of him unwrapping his presents one handedly, his affected elbow was tender and he chose not to use it at all. He bounced back in no time!

alexsmum · 08/10/2004 18:14

I dislocated my son's elbow putting his arm bands on once...and then moaned at him for crying in the poolDon't beat yourself up about it, he could have been in a lot more pain if he'd run in front of a car.Let us know what they say.

Original poster

KBsMum · 09/10/2004 08:49

He's woken up this morning and still can't move his arm. Two sets of x-rays have shown no fracture. What could be causing him this much pain?
I feel so bad.

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