Health visitors...are they always evil??? And can you trust their advice?

[flightattendant]

I seem to always get an evil health visitor. Today was my first meeting with the new one since having DS2 two weeks ago.

She was totally humourless, DS1 kept interrupting us which was really difficult but she just kept asking the most inane questions...
eg. I mentioned I'd been depressed during the pregnancy, and also before it...she said, 'what kind of depression?' I mean, what kinds are there?
I said I didn't know, it wasn't really defined...
She kept on about DS2's father, irrelevant stuff, like was he going to be involved, and I really didn't want to talk about personal stuff like that in front of DS1...she seemed to be askig purely out of nosiness, there was no reason to ask.
Worst thing is it didn't feel like she really cared about any of it, just wanted to know so she could 'keep an eye on me' or just judge me as a parent.

Well maybe I'm just paranoid. And she told me I should breastfeed in a different position (we're doing fine thanks) and that I shouldn't swing DS2 in my arms to calm him down when he has tummy ache.
('he's too small, it would upset him') ???? It's the only thing that quietens him!

I wish I'd not told her anything about anything now. Witch!!!

they ARE mostly witches, though i did have one nice one.
Tell em to mind their own beeswax re your ds2's dad.
mine alwyas laid into me for being too thin after giving birth, nagging on and on about eating properly when in fact i was eating for about 5 adults.
judgemental witches they are.

Btw, just to be sure, it's not really dangerous/wrong to swing a small baby, is it? Does it hurt their brains? I mean like making a cradle with your arms, and bending down from the waist to swing him like a swing-boat. It always stops the crying and he usually looks around for a minute in surprise, then falls asleep

Perhaps I'm knocking him out rather than soothing him ??!

Ugh. HVs are the most alien concept to me as a USA expat. Stories like this just freak me out.

I've heard we don't actually have to let them come? Is that an option for you?

Had 2 so far. Apart from making me feel patronised, they did nothing to help me. And the stuff about your dd's dad is none of her business... Not looking forward to meet the new HV (recently moved)

There must have been a shortage of applicants when se went for the job. She should be there to reassure you and let you know you're doing a good job. After all, you tend to feel very low when you've just had a baby.

Mine have both been lovely.

I had two who were utterly fantastic.

Not only did they give me good advice, they also gave me confidence in my oqn abilities as a mother and I don't think that you can ask for much more than that, tbh.

They were both older ladies who had the air of having seen everything in their time, and were utterly unshockable, and ever so calm.

Wonderful ladies both.

I do seem to remember having a nice one once. Then she left to look after her own babies and all the others have been hellish.

Mine has been so helpful. Really - couldn't have done without her actually. First one i had in london was amazingly awful - tried to get me to give formula , gave stupid awful advice. This one now has only ever been helpful. Occasionally made me feel a bit daft, but actually i was probably being a bit daft. She's spoken to drs for me, got referrals for stuff, listened, given great advice - i'm actually really grateful to have had a good one. Never did the weighing thing though - don't talk to her about feeding etc, more as a way of getting other info or contacts or appointments.

I love my health visitor. Shes the best Shes always given me perfect advice and always been there when I needed help.

I'm sorry you've got a bad one. Don't listen to her and enjoy your baby

Incidentally, while my present HV is a gem, her predecessor was another witch. My poor aunt had 8 children and, each time she got pregnant HV would express concern that she had so many children. Mind you, I have described my aunt in the thread about Beta mums and I could understand HVs concerns. It is intersting to note all my aunt's children are degree educated, and are a very close family. HV's DS is currently serving a jail sentence, and she has no contact with her DD who she threw out after announcuncing she was pregnant at 19.

Mine was well meaning. Just not very bright. Especially concerning breastfeeding, she thought that breastfeeding was a bit extreme. And wanted to talk about weaning my fat healthy well-sleeping 10 week old onto solids.

The HV that came when dd was born was a real witch.
Told me to put dd on ff rather than bf (she ran the bf support group as well ).
She left and I was allocated another one who liked to chat about her life rather than listening to my questions/concerns.

I now have a fantastic HV who has been realy supportive of bf and my PND.
I only stopped bf a couple of weeks ago and she was there with lots of support and advice

My HV SUGGESTED we swing dd just like you swing yours when we couldn't soothe her, it works like a charm. Goes back to when we were all apes apparently or something.

Anyway, all the HV's I've had (they don't just give you one here, you get whoever's about so it could be one of many) have been really lovely, but utterly pointless.

What is the POINT of health visitors? I just don't see it if there is one. They kind of appear, give you advice you don't need (and when you do need some, they don't know the answer, send you to ask the GP or tell you 'you're the parent you have to decide'). So why do we need them? Waste of public money

Mine has been ok, but I've heard some horror stories. There are three that cover my area. One has been here ages, was mil hv when dh was a baby, shes great, lots of common sense, gives decent advice and doesn't judge.

Did find them slightly patronising at 1st but guess they must get some numpties.

After 6weeks, my pretty much left me alone, so hopefully flightattendant, they'll bugger off soon

Never heard of a baby being brain damaged by swinging

I've had fab HV's.

When bf dd1 dropped from the 50th to the 9th centile around 4 months my first HV re-assured me she was fine and it was normal, told me if the only thing worrying me was the chart I should throw the chart away Didn't try and persuade me wean or top up with formula

2nd HV is very nice, supports me in my decisions rather than telling me what to do.

3rd HV is fab. An older lady, a bit right on. I imagine she marched a lot in the 80's. Very confident, re-assuring, makes me feel like a competant Mum.

There's another one I don't know very well but she runs a bf support group so she can't be too bad.

Mine wasn't very bright. DD1 had been rushed to hospital with anaphalyctic shock as a result of cows milk allergy. The HV suggested I give her yoghurt to increase her calcium intake.

i had 2 fabulous hvs, but unfortunately they have moved on...
one i have now is rubbish - totally disinterested

Ours are lovely, been quite supportive as DS has been a bit of a grizzler and had eczema.

Only one really bugged me by referring to me as mummy It would only have taken her a second to ask me my name or check in the red book. The only person that needs to call me mummy is my DS!

Mine is lovely - and he's a rare male HV . Told me he'd become a HV because he thought the ones his wife had after having their DC were awful.

He's been very supportive about my depression, helped me wean DS back off formula top-ups, and is just an all-round good bloke.

They take it in turns to do the clinic and the others at the practice aren't so nice - there's one I avoid like the plague. That said, I don't go very often. DS is 7 months and I think I'll go 3 monthly now, if that.

flightattendant: put 'drharveykarp' into search in Youtube. it will bring up clips of videos of how to quickly calm your baby safely by shushing loudly like turning on the hairdryer next to them but without the heat and rocking fairly briskly but safely. (as long as their head and neck are firmly supported it has a rapid calming effect on a baby in meltdown.)

Mine were useless. Not very bright, extremely patronising and always in a rush to get the appointment over with.