Ex-H giving kids rubbish food!

[Imnotagilmoregirl]

Hi All,

I'm a bit stuck, and I need to vent. I'm not sure I can do anything about this or not..?

My kids to go their dad's each week overnight, and the food they're given is usually rubbish. I get that different people have different parenting styles, and previously I've tried to have a gentle word, sent lists of foods the kids eat, so he doesn't have to feel in a rut, and for a week he'll try, and then it goes back to rubbish.

This week, however, I feel like he's taking the royal Mick. DS is 7, and tells me he had Nutella sandwiches for tea last night, and for breakfast had Nutella on toast and a chocolate bar. DD is 6 and for breakfast she had jam on toast and a packet of hula hoops! I know their dad can cook and he lives with his GF and her toddler, so they're relatively settled and domestic. I know it's only one day a week, but it just seems like they can't be arsed and it annoys me that I spend all week trying to get them to eat as much of a balanced diet as possible!

I guess what I'm asking is AIBU and if not, is there anything I can even do about this?

I'd pick your battles TBH, is it worth it for only one day a week?

Yanbu for being concerned about the amount of rubbish he is putting in them, but I'm not sure there is anything you can do about it.
How do your children feel about it? If you packed them some fruit etc to take would they eat it?

I get that it's one night a week but every week it's crap! I think it's just something I have to take on the chin, I know DS doesn't really enjoy it, because he's asked me to tell his Dad to give him some different things.

I've offered to send food/or at least give them their tea before he picks them up and get told no, it's his time to do what he wants with the kids. Which I guess it is!

At 7 I think DS can tell his dad himself that he wants something different to eat.
It's crap but I don't think there's much you can do about it sadly.
Talk to DC about how they can phrase it perhaps?

Send them with a pack of those mini cereals for the morning . Is it possible for them to have an early tea before they go ? Can you speak to the gf ?

I don't think there is anything you can do about it unfortunately he is there dad and when they are in his care he can parent differently to you.

The gf's parents own a restaurant locally so I'm surprised they don't take them there. I don't actually see her to speak to, so that's out.

I've said to DS to pipe up and chat with dad about food he wants, but he said he's been told Dad is skint so he just has to put up with what he's given, as he doesn't want to make him cross incase he stops him coming over. So, he nibbles and then comes home and raids my kitchen!

I guess it's just one I'll have to shrug and roll my eyes at and keep doing what I'm doing at home.

Well he can feed them what he wants so you can't do much. If he really is skint you could try dropping them off with a homemade family size lasagne or something 'to help out'.

Oh you already tried that....

Really irritating but I don't think one day a week will kill them. I'd be annoyed too mind but I don't think it's worth having a battle about. i would if it was more than one day though.

Can you trach your kids to make a healthy omelet with tomatoes or something simple with basic ingredients? Maybe they can cook at dads house as well. Although 7 is quite young but maybe your DC is sensible and smart enough?

Sorry but I think the list of food they eat sounds a bit condescending, Are you sure that is what they are being fed? My step child has lied at times or bent the truth over what he has been fed? You arent in their house are you. You can only presume your child is telling the truth? If its only one night I probably wouldnt say anything more about it.

Well I asked if it would be helpful to jot down a few meals they'll both eat without fuss and he said yes please? I'm not Annabel Karmel or anything just simple stuff!

I checked with their Dad, just incase. Asked outright what they'd had to eat and he confirmed it.

Well hopefully things will change over time, and as the kids get older they will be able to make their own things to eat.

Yeah I think it'll just leave them to it, it's irritating but it won't kill anyone. Hopefully, as you've all said, with a bit of time things will improve.

Not sure DS is quite there with omelettes, he'll help me do bits in the kitchen but that's about your lot!

Thanks all

Actually that would annoy me, yes he can feed them what he likes but surely within reason - after all it's a requirement for parents to feed their kids a relatively balanced diet or that's a form of neglect surely?! If the op fed them that sort of food every day they'd end up with nutritional deficiencies!

I would raise this with him tbh, it's not acceptable. But like a pp said you'd have to ascertain whether this is actually what they're being fed every time they're there..