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Original poster

Am I right to disagree with mother in law?

12 replies

amandalk91 · 22/10/2016 21:57

Right so I have to live with my mother in law for the moment due to saving for our own house. She's really getting to me though, she will not let me deal with my own baby in my own way

For example about 10 minutes ago, I had to calm baby down for a while then put her back down in the cot. yes she was still crying but I know for a fact she always calms down because I deal with this in daytime naps. HOWEVER even after telling her this, completely ignores me and goes in to see her anyway resulting in worse crying.

I feel like I'm going to explode at her one of these days but even my partner doesn't say much for me when it comes to these things. seriously worried about this affecting our relationship it's getting to me so much it's every single day

Yes I'm a first time mum but seriously I know my baby more than anyone I wish she would just leave me be Sad wow.

OP posts:
NickyEds · 22/10/2016 22:15

Think of the money. If you're living there at a reduced rent then I think, to a degree you have to suck it up I'm afraid.

Jayfee · 22/10/2016 22:23

I think you are right. Needs some calm talking i think. perhaps the crying annoys mil. could you ask her to time it for ten minutes and if baby doesnt stop crying, you will go in and settle her. good luck

Mishaps · 22/10/2016 22:25

What a pain - I would go off the deep end. You are a saint! I have 7 grandchildren and would never never dream of doing this - whose child does she think it is, silly woman?

So sorry you are stuck there in this situation. I would forego the savings and rent somewhere - anywhere! - just to be out of this.

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Original poster
amandalk91 · 22/10/2016 22:57

I understand it's helping to save money but come on. I'd rather not feel angry every day. I feel like even when she confronts me about it I have to say it didn't bother me literally just because I'm living in her house.

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 22/10/2016 23:00

To answer your question, I think you are right to disagree with your mil but I also think it sounds like living with her isn't working out. I appreciate that you want to save money quicker, but in reality I think you should accept it will take a while longer and move out so that you have the family rules that you want.

NickyEds · 23/10/2016 08:15

But there's the rub op....you are living in her house! I agree with Fuzzy either move out and accept it will take longer to save or stay and accept that she gets to behave sort of how she likes in her own home.

itlypocerka · 23/10/2016 08:26

Behaving how she likes in her own home covers a lot - meals, TV, etc etc and is right and proper - her house, her rules.

But it is NOT the case that the owner of the house gets to dictate how any baby in the house gets cared for. That would be ridiculous.

You need to make it quite clear to her and to your DH - "if [you/MIL] can't allow me to make the decisions on how to care for my baby we won't be able to live here any more". And then you have to follow that through - if it keeps happening then leave, with or without DH.

diddl · 23/10/2016 16:11

Surely you don't have to live with her?

You could afford to live elsewhere, but it suits you to stay there & save more.

Well, if it has stopped suiting, then it's time to move out.

JoJoSM2 · 23/10/2016 16:20

It's a tricky one. You're frustrated as she's butting in but she's got all the extra people in the house including a crying baby.... She's likely frustrated too... I don't think she's got any bad intentions but to preserve everyone's sanity, it'd probably be better if you moved out.

PacificDogwod · 23/10/2016 16:23

You need your DP to step up to the plate - he needs to lead in a calm conversation on how you can all make this cramped accommodation work. Or not, as it were.

lostowl · 23/10/2016 16:37

We lived with my in laws for almost a year saving for a house deposit. Although I was grateful I was so stressed and I hated it. So stressed that I skipped 2 periods! I could not imagine putting a baby into that mix!!

Glitterbug83 · 23/10/2016 23:22

Whatever you do, don't get your husband involved. He'll likely resent you for it. Ive had to get quite assertive with my in laws and I now say exactly what's on my mind, like it or lump it. Obviously there's a tactful way of going about it.... Tell her you appreciate her trying to help but want her to stop doing that as you're comfortable handling the situation. See what happens from there...but don't expect hubby to speak up for you. Speak up for yourself

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