I am as bad as they are - have just thrown DS1's school bag and coat into porch because he will not pick it up

[saltire]

I am aren't I? As bad as they are. He has made me so angry and frustrated today. It is only due to the fact that i have 2 seven year old mindees in that he is not in his pyjamas and in bed

Ask my dd why her doctor's case handle is broken...it's not because she threw it across the room in a temper

lol DD2 just opened the car door on the way home, I freaked because when I was a kid my brother opened the car door and flew out of the car as dad drove round the roundabout (highly unlikely to happen nowadays because of carseats and seatbelt) she started crying and refused to get out the car, so I shut the door and left her in the car while I stood round the corner. She is still having a stress in the hallway.

I really just want to sit and cry , that's how he has made me feel, and DS2 isn't much better.

I know how you feel, really I do. BUT (and this is after a lot of therapy) my counsellor used to say, other people don't make you feel a particular way, you are in charge of your own feelings. I'm only saying this because I used to be regularly in tears in response to my children's behaviour (they aren't naughty, I just couldn't cope) and it was during one of these times I threw dd's doctor's case across the room because she wouldn't stop pestering me to open it for her and I'd had enough. If you are feeling really down do you perhaps need to talk to someone or am I reading WAY too much into this...sorry if I am. Therapy helped me so much I'm a bit evangelical about it now!

Dances, i actually wanted the ground to open up and swallow me today after his performance in the playground and on the way home. The judgemental eyes of all the other mums didn't help either.
The constant bickering is getting me down. DH, MIL and my mum all say it's my fault he is like this because i CM.
If he's like this at almost 9, what is he going to be like as a teenager

Argh...don't you just love those judgemental eyes! Actually I bet at least half of them are sympathetic. How exactly is the child minding affecting you ds do they think? Are they going to supplement your income to the tune of your cm wages in order to protect their grandson...I THINK NOT
A mighty big hug to you Saltire, sounds like you need it.

I broke the bolt on our back door one day, because I slammed it so hard in frustration. I didn't realise feelings could be so strong until I had kids. DH still doesn't understand how I got the strength.

No, you are not "as bad as them". They are not "bad" and neither are you. But everyone is capable of losing it - children and adults alike.

Find a moment to relax, get hold of a sense of perspective, and start over again. And again. And again ...

I will find a moment to relax when they are in bed, whihc, if i have my way shall be in aobut 5 minutes

Sounds like a good plan!

don't worry I do stuff like that. You got frustrated because he was being frustrating.

Don't beat yourself up on top of everything else.