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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone had/got a bolter? End of my tether with it.ne

27 replies

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:31

Ds aged 3 will not stay with me at shops.
Won't go in or stay in a shopping trolley, climbs out screaming and performing.
Won't hold my hand on car parks.
I frequently have to leave shopping trolley and handbag to run out of the shop onto the car park to retrieve him.
He runs off around the isles, out of the door, just a total fuckng nightmare.

I have started going shopping in the evenings without him but can't do this all of the time.
I give him his little kindle to watc stuff, but this gets thrown across the shop.
Little pot of sweets/fruit/toys. Again, ends up thrown.

I dread it, I am on the ceiling with anxiety when we pull into the car park.
Just had a horrific screaming, squirming, running away situation where I just had to grab him, shove him in his car seat and leave, minus any shopping, I just couldn't face another second of it.

What have you done that works.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/08/2016 12:34

Strapped in a buggy or on reins.

Shop online.

If he won't behave you either tether him to you with reins or restrain him in a buggy for his own safety.

AgentProvocateur · 06/08/2016 12:37

Reins

megletthesecond · 06/08/2016 12:38

Little life back pack reins and / or buggy. I used both until 4yrs.

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Highlove · 06/08/2016 12:39

Yes - reins is the answer. It's what we do - she's a nightmare at holding hands. I keep on trying to encourage/force hand-holding in the hope she'll get it eventually. In the meantime, reins are non-negotiable. And anyone who is judgmental about reins can fuck the fuck off

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:40

Climbs out of the buggy easily, there is no holding him.
Tried it, I end up holding him in there with one hand, trying to put shopping in the basket with the other while he screams climbs, kicks and gets himself out.

OP posts:

datingbarb · 06/08/2016 12:41

Put reins on and connect to the "d" rings in the buggy to stop him be able to climb out, then let him scream away

Lovelongweekends · 06/08/2016 12:42

Another vote for back pack/reins. Couldn't take dd2 out without them as she is a bolter/ hand refuser.

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:42

Oooh reigns yes, although I can see me dragging him along the aisles on his front!! Lol,
And I am WAY beyond giving a flying fiddles fart about people judging me, seriously, if reigns work, reigns it is.

Thank you wise ones, you are all triffic x

OP posts:

pinkieandperkie · 06/08/2016 12:44

One of my dc was an absolute Houdini. Had to get a five point harness fitted to his buggy as he would escape. He eventually learnt to tip the buggy forward and walk around with it on his back. I couldn't keep him in a high chair even though he was strapped in. He also escaped from every car seat going. He survived, he is 23 now. Oh I forgot, when I would put him in reins he would just lunge forward and end up spinning round and round with me still holding on. Nightmare! My other two did none of the above.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/08/2016 12:45

Reins/ backpack.

He's 3 and presuming he has no special needs he's old enough to have a 'stern talking to' and a consequence for his behaviour.

Watch this week's The Day Nanny- very good this week about kids running off and effective parenting wrt not telling off all the time and getting the kids to listen.

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:46

Now tell me this.....why oh why is it always just me & my kid in the car park and supermarkets that this happens to?
Where are you all. It's always just me & him.
I see others walking along with perfectly behaved hand holders finding bananas and artichokes for mummy without a murmur, I don't get it.

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/08/2016 12:48

Ds was the same. We used have to gaffer tape the seat belt into the clip as he'd keep undoing it. All the other kids used to sit quietly in the car behaving, not ds!!!

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:50

Ha! "Stern talking to" are you kidding, he has the attention span of a puppy, I would get as far as his name in a cross tone and he would be the other side of the car park.

I do however quite like that Nanny lady, so will watch it, she has some good ideas, thanks as I am willing to give anything g a go.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass....

OP posts:

SortItAhhht · 06/08/2016 12:51

My DS (now a strapping almost-teen) was like this until he was about 5 yrs old. Nightmare.

I stopped taking him to supermarkets completely. It just wasn't worth the stress. Shop online, honestly.

If it helps ease your pain - its a beautifully sunny day today where I am and I am struggling to get my DS off the sofa/away from his Wii U to go out in to the sunshine. Its a phase that passes ...

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 12:51

Lol at walking like a tortoise with the buggy On his back! Oh you do cheer me up you lot

OP posts:

Lovelongweekends · 06/08/2016 12:54

We shop in short bursts at Tesco's as they give free fruit for the Dc which keeps dd2 amused for a few minutes. Also have a little Houdini clip on the buggy so she can't undo it but she does the tip forward and walk trick that pinkie mentioned!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/08/2016 12:54

Stern talking to- I used to tell ds VERY firmly what I expected of him before we left. When we were out if he pissed around I'd warn him once then it was back in the buggy.

Once home he would miss out on favourite telly.

Took a while but did work.

Paintedhandprints · 06/08/2016 12:57

I use reigns when necessary. I also give mine a little fiddly bead maze toy, attached to the trolley/buggy which keeps him occupied. He is only allowed this toy in the trolley or buggy. I have raisins in a little pot which I keep hold of. Have you tried a reward? Stickers or raisins in the car at the end of the shop? Have you tried explaining before and during the shop? So when he stands up in the trolley I say firmly 'sit down, please or you will fall and hurt yourself' repeatedly. Get him to help find the shoppping? Distraction - 'have you seen this funny pineapple?' etc.
I admit my ds is very ameniable to praise, and thinks running off is a game of chase so some of this may not work.
Otherwise, online shopping or click and collect? I sometimes do the bulk of the shopping this way and then pop in to choose the better meat, etc before picking up the online order.

SupermanStoleMyPants · 06/08/2016 12:57

I always use these reins:

they are padded, have a pocket, short handle for stairs and impossible to get out of

CodyKing · 06/08/2016 13:02

I had twin reigns - they have a longer lead and it attached to a belt so hands free

Not sure if the single reigns have the same longer length

Original poster

jimijack · 06/08/2016 13:04

Yes to having tried and continue to do everything you mention paintedhands, it just doesn't work.
I tell him before during and after shopping trips, I get to his level, I talk calmly, I've shouted, I've been stern, everything.
Whatever I give him, no matter how new & interesting, it gets thrown across the shop.

Shame Aldi don't do online, as I shop there due to budget.

OP posts:

craftyoldhen · 06/08/2016 13:25

I get DH to do the shopping in the evening- we go to Aldi too. I shop online for clothes etc.

I only take DS to shops if we're only getting a few things like bread/milk - he stays in his pushchair, strapped in, with a dummy to keep him calm. The dummy is a godsend!

We have reins too but don't use them in shops as he just sits down and refuses to walk

RandomMess · 06/08/2016 13:33

It is probably just your son's personality/interests.

I have 4 DC only one had any tendency to do this but fortunately for me she could be reasoned with at the age of 2 and only twice did I need to follow through with the going in the buggy threat for her to believe me. I did have to use Houdini extra clips on the pushchair and car seat for quite some time.

Hopefully if you use the reins and completely ignore any associate unwanted behaviour it will eventually stop/reduce. I mean the wailing, screaming, laying on the floor etc when using the reins you will have "won" the battle. I do wonder if in part it's become a great game to him where he gets your full attention...

Greatest sympathy from me because I think having "compliant" children is largely luck of the draw!!!

megletthesecond · 06/08/2016 15:05

Other parents struggle too, it's not just you. A fee months ago my 7yr old decided to start spitting in shops. I couldn't crack it so I now shop on line or leave them in the car so she spits on the window instead if I must pop in for something.

ManicGirl · 08/08/2016 00:07

Just wanted to drop you a message to offer some reassurance. My DS was a bolter when he was 2. Taking him anywhere was a bloody nightmare. Everyone in the area knew his name because of the number of times I'd be screaming it in the street at the top of my voice. Friends refused to look after him if it involved them having to go out anywhere with him. I used reigns, to stop him from hurtling into the road or something.

Then he turned 3 and just stopped. I'd like to say it was something I did but I think he just grew out of it. Now he holds on to my hand like a dream and loves carrying the basket for me in the shops. It will get better I promise you

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