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Original poster

DH thinks that maybe this is a little harsh?

35 replies

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:17

DD aged nearly 4 played up from about midnight 'til 4am this morning. This isn't a regular thing just happened last night. Anyway she has a birthday party to go to today and I told her if she didn't get back into bed and go off to sleep or read a book quietly then she couldn't go to the party this afternoon. She didn't settle until 4 as I have already said

So this morning when DH got up he asked me what I was going to do and so I said she couldn't go to the party. She is now asking if she can go and I am still saying no.

Is this too harsh? I don't really want to go back on my word as it's then meaningless. What do you think?

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SoupDragon · 16/01/2007 10:19

I would maybe give her a get out in which she has to do X (tody room? Whtever...) and she can go. She needs to earn the party back IYSWIM.

whatkatydidntdo · 16/01/2007 10:19

By this afternoon she will be too tired to go anyway!

Why was she up, was she feeling poorly, bad dream. over excited?

crumbs · 16/01/2007 10:19

It's really hard, I think we've all threatened our DCs with things that we've later regretted - I once gounded DS from his PS2 for 2 weeks, boy did I regret that!

I think that, if you've set out the rules, you should stick to them. If you cave in, she won't respect what you say next time. However, maybe you could find a get-out clause - something she's not keen on doing, but get her to do it to earn back the right to go?

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totaleclipse · 16/01/2007 10:20

Tough one, I agree you should'nt go back on your word, but as you said it is not like her to play up through the night, is it possible she had a reason too, nightmare, headache etc?

Jimjams2 · 16/01/2007 10:20

hmm tricky- I think it was the wrong consequence to give in the first place (too severe for a one off), but now you've said it I think you might have to stick with it. So I kind of agree with both of you- yes too severe, but yes you have to see it through. Will it put the party host out though? That would be another reason why I'd be a bit wary about it. Parties are lots of work etc etc, so a bit hard to have people dropping out on the day.

TrinityRhino · 16/01/2007 10:20

hmm, unfortunately, I think you are going to have to stick to it BUT I would never have said that to her in the first place, I don't think it is an appropriate threat for a four year old and probably wouldn't make any difference to her nighttime behaviour.

however now you have said it you really should follow through with it so she knows your serious about what you say. I would choose other threats next time like removal of toys (you can do that right then at the time of the messing)

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/01/2007 10:20

Nope, I wouldn't let mine go either. Has she went to school or playgroup today on just a few hours sleep??

My 5yr old was up half the night with a sore tummy, I am ill, & ds is being a total pita!!

quadrophenia · 16/01/2007 10:21

After harsh punishments i often do what Soupy says and give my child the oppurtunity to earn it back.

madmarchhare · 16/01/2007 10:22

too harsh for a one off, but have to see it through.

oliveoil · 16/01/2007 10:22

I think a bit harsh, agree with SoupDragon in getting her to earn it back.

She is only 4.

Cappuccino · 16/01/2007 10:24

yes agree with Soupy

make her earn it

Original poster

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:26

I don't regret using it as a consequence - the party is a long way away (not that she can understand that) but I am so tired as a result I'm not sure I want to drive, it's also quite late so she will inevitably fall asleep in the car and so will not be tired at bedtime.

I went through all the reasons for her not sleeping last night, she just said she couldn't sleep, no bad dream, said she felt fine, hadn't thought about the over excitment issue although the party has not been made into a big thing. Hence the compromise of reading - which usually works!

No she didn't go to Pre School as she was too tired. DS is also poorly - found him in a bed of sick this morning poor little chap.

OP posts:

oliveoil · 16/01/2007 10:29

I have used a 'harsh' punishment in the dead of the night before - "Right!!!! If you don't go to sleep we are not going to go shopping tomorrow and to Pizza Express (!)"

and lo in the morning, I wanted the dough balls goddamit

so I said if they both ate their breakfast nicely and put their dishes away "mummy would see"

and we went

but I am a complete softarse on things like this so may be wise to ignore me

Would she have a nap on the drive over maybe so she wouldn't be as tired?

BigBellyCornflakeKid · 16/01/2007 10:31

I would have to stick to my guns and not go...bit mean I know but should see threats through or don't say things in the first place!

Both my ds's (3 and 5) have been playing up recently - ds1 wouldn't go to sleep til 10.30 pm and ds2 would move beds in the night or wet it - nightmare. Have a star chart for both of them and in 3 days no movement or wet beds and sleep by 8pm I tend to threaten taking toys away and leave them in the garage for a week - easy and means I don't say stuff I have to go back on.

Original poster

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:31

Oliveoil it doesn't matter when she sleeps in the day - if she naps she won't sleep tonight.

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Twiglett · 16/01/2007 10:32

I'd let her earn it back tbh

BigBellyCornflakeKid · 16/01/2007 10:33

Also - asked ds1 teacher if he had been tired as not going to sleep and she said 'not at all - quite the opposite - like a live wire!' - so have decided he just has too much going on in his head to sleep! Bless

Original poster

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:34

Maybe she should earn it back then but I am so tired at the moment I think it's making me more cross than I need to be (IYSWIM) So what should she do to earn it back (her bedroom is tidy!) and how do I stop her falling asleep! And what if she wakes again tonight or tomorrow night?

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 16/01/2007 10:34

is it a friend's party? if she's actually too knackered and it's going to be a big hassle then why not say she can't go to the party, but you can have the friend over for a playdate or something and then arrange something for next week?

that way you still get the consequences but you are not Bad Mom

Enid · 16/01/2007 10:34

deffo earn it back here

tbh if it was a one off I wuold assume poorly

Original poster

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:35

Oh Bless Bigbelly, sleep deprevention is a form of torture isn't it? It certainly feels like it!

OP posts:

brimfull · 16/01/2007 10:35

I think you should make her earn the right to go,think of the poor little girl whose party it is.

Enid · 16/01/2007 10:35

actually who ma I kidding

I wuold let her go to the party and apologise for saying she couldnt

am officially Crap Mum

Original poster

McDreamy · 16/01/2007 10:36

{shock] do you all think I'm a bad mom? {Hangs head in shame}

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 16/01/2007 10:36

she might be coming down with something or had a nightmare

it's so easy to make empty threats though isn't it

I too would let her go though (but am officially a Softie).

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