Stopping breastfeeding at 1 year old...now she can ask for it?? EEK !

[eepie]

I had planned to stop breastfeeding at 1 year old - my DD loves it and now she is learning to say some words she has now started asking for it - saying 'boop' and grabbing at my top with her cute little fingers...I find it hard to distract her and say 'not now darling' or 'yes ! Boob!' and then don't get the boob out I just acknowledge that she's said it... But she usually throws herself on me and has quite a significant tantrum until I give her boob. She had cut down to just in the morning and before bed. She's night weaned, thank god. And now sleeping through...

How do I stop now?? She has been wanting 'boop' a lot more since me and her Dad split up about a month ago...think she can sense something. Needs more reassurance...But I'm afraid if I don't do it now she'll only get more strong willed about it .... Help !

My dd is about the same age and still breastfeeds, although she isn't night weaned. She asks for it by yanking at my top (and jumping on if she has the chance!) I've been trying to cut it out in the day in preparation for my return to work.

I started this by cutting out the easier feeds which she didn't seem to need as much, which for dd was between lunch and dinner. Mornings have been a lot harder but the best things I've found are distractions like going for walks or to the park etc; giving her a yoghurt as a snack between breakfast and lunch; offering water really frequently, more than she ever asks for it; wearing clothes that make it more difficult practically.

She can happily go the whole day with little or no complaint, but days she has been ill or when it was really hot I have let her bf then. As you said your dd may be extra clingy due to your break up with her dad, perhaps if possible you should wait a week before starting this properly. I hope you're doing OK with the break up btw.

I think you hit the nail on the head regarding her needing more reassurance. Breastfeeding is a lot more than getting milk. She clearly needs the comfort. I'm sure she will cut back down on her own when she's ready.

Thanks for responses... Yes I think I'll keep going for now as its a difficult time... And it is nice for me as well to get her from her cot in the morning & take her into my bed & lie with her whilst she nurses & get another half an hour of snoozing !! But she does sometimes so annoying things or things that hurt like pinching me, scratching at a mole I have on my chest & I have to keep saying no don't do that be gentle with Mummy... And I don't need another reason for her to have a tantrum... She's always been a 0-60 baby ! Eek. I'm just thinking if I leave it much longer and she doesn't cut down on her own I'll be left with the really hard task of stopping and with only me looking after on my own most of the time now, it's hard to distract her ! I thought once she was walking she's lose interest but she's got MORE interested ! I think also... This might sound selfish but ... My body is holding onto a good 5kg of weight.. Fat.. Because I'm breastfeeding I think it's just not letting go of that last bit of weight. I feel pretty crap about myself & so badly want to get back to my normal size. I've been exercising & eating well & reducing portion size since January & I've lost 9kg... So that's great but it's been really slow going & hard hard work (esp whilst sleep deprived) ... I can't help thinking if I stop lactating my body will finally let go of that last bit. I'm dying to feel more sexy and less mumsy about myself. I'm 26 but I feel like people see me as this dowdy mum now...

Especially now I am single again.. I worry that if I meet someone & im breastfeeding they'll just be like ummm that's weird that you're still feeding someone else's baby from your boobs.. And not see me as desirable.

Am I being really selfish..? I feel like I've done really well to keep going for a year & I just want my body back now !!!

But it's not someone else's baby- it's YOUR baby that you are feeding with your body.
I don't think it's selfish to want your body back but I do think that it sounds like your DD just needs a bit of extra comfort at the moment and you would probably be more successful with weaning once things have settled down a bit.

No I just meant from a guy point of view..I am still feeding another man's baby...But I see what you mean. Whatever guy I'm interested in should hopefully see it as 'she's feeding HER baby' and think that it's great.
I'm not going to rush her. Today she asked for 'boop' a couple of times when we were in the softplay area, when I got into the ball pit (we have nursed quite often in there as I lie down in there and she climbs on me, then wants boob!) But I just calmly said 'not now sweetie, at bedtime, at bedtime' and she understood and kept playing. And you're right weaning will be more successful if she's more ready..otherwise likely to be a fight, I understand....

Not sure how much of a help I can be as my DD has just turned one and had cut down to breastfeeding just morning and night. Now we're back up to morning, night, waking in the night plus using it to get her to sleep during nap time! However the reason I'm replying is to say that my daughter had a few upheavals (holiday, house move and started at childminder) all within a couple of weeks and she became really clingy and needed lots of breastfeeding for reassurance. She was grabbing at my top and wanting milk all the time! She had never been like that before! Anyway it did calm down and get better after a couple of weeks I just need her to stop feeding to sleep now bug that's another story...!

I wonder what it does to a child psychologically to just be able to start forming understandable ways to make their desires known and to have one of the greatest sources of comfort in their lives taken BECAUSE of that. I wonder what it does to their ability to self-express.

Eepie, you have all my admiration for making it this long. I BF for just 4 months and wish I had done longer. What an incredible job you have done. I am sure you will do an equally wonderful job of transitioning her off the 'boop'!

Btw I too didn't lose the final 5kg until I stopped feeding. It then dropped off in about 2 weeks! Totally understand that matters when you think about feeling desirable for someone new.

Well done for feeding this far your DD must be such a happy little girl to have such comfort from you. Especially at this time, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time with Xdp.
We are about to hit the 1 year mark & I can't see DS stopping yet. I'm intrigued to see how/ when he will stop.
I've decided to comment as my concern is with your words regarding
Feeding another mans child
Pp's have said she's your child too, which I obvs agree
Also, are you REALLY thinking of a new partner right now? Would you actually introduce a new partner soon after meeting?
If you answer no to both of these then I'd say you have another 6-12 months anyway before this becomes an issue!
In which case you are both likely to have come to a natural end in feeding.
Clearly you love your DD and she is your world. So don't think about what some other random fictional guy might think, because he doesn't matter. Your DD does!
You'd be putting him first, already ! Is that what you want?
Yes 26 is young to feel frumpy, but equally 26!! You have so much time to find another guy. Your DD won't be little for long. Enjoy her!

It becomes more difficult when they can vocalise what they want, we put some 'rules' (i use rules in inverted commas as we dont do rules per se).
Rules were

• ask for boob, dont grab.
• when i say enough, its enough
• we try a cuddle first before boob (if its for comfort)

Think that was it... Anyways, I fed Ds til he was 4.5years, and dont regret a moment of it. Ultimately its up to you, feed for as long as you are both happy to :)

Topsy got in ahead of me there with 'nursing manners'. DS BF until he was 2.5 but mainly on my terms which was at home on the couch because I could not be doing with the stares in public. I am glad now. Turns out he has a significant developmental delay, some behaviour related, and I think the long term BF helped me to keep him calm and keep that safe place for him easily iyswim. The only reason this is relevant here is because of the big change in yours and your DD's lives at the moment.

I fed DD until she was 3, however she could ask for it through signs from about 9 months. She would happily yell boob at the top of her voice in the supermarket and try and get her hand down my top (however I would take that embarrassment 100s of times over than being 5 Yrs old and exclaim for all to hear that the person in front is stinky and needs a bath!) As for her increasing her feeds it comes in ebbs and flows, I noticed a remarkable drop in feeds around her first birthday but then a huge increase including being almost permanently attached all night whilst her molars came through. Once she reached 2 she had all her teeth and feeds dropped permanently to once a day, then once a week to once a fortnight all very short reassurance type feeds.

As for the breastfeeding issue with a new partner I broke up with her dad whilst pregnant and met a new man when she was 3 years 10 months and I was still lactating over 10 months since our very last feed and it had been well over a year since we had fed regularly.

Do what you feel is right but there are lots of changes to the breastfeeding partnership as time goes on.

On the losing weight issue I just wanted to add that when I stopped feeding my daughter at 17 months I put on about 4kg practically overnight, it was a real shock.

My pseudo-scientific explanation I made up was that my body had been holding those calories ready to make them into milk and as soon as it realised they weren't going to be needed for milk it sent them off to the fat making department instead.

I know that's ridiculous and not how it works at all but I enjoyed the visual in my head.