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Original poster

Moving Away - how to break the news gently?

10 replies

spacemonkey · 01/05/2004 20:39

Sorry to be such a bore about this with all my threads on it, but I need advice please on how to broach the subject of our possible move to London to my children.

Their initial response was "NOOOOOOOO!" - i.e. not wanting to leave their friends - hardly surprising I guess!

Both of them have shown glimmers of interest in the idea (ds suddenly decides he supports Arsenal for instance), and they both admitted they would like living nearer family (my brother and sister both live in N London).

Despite the glimmers of interest their basic attitude is negative.

Any advice or ideas? At the moment I'm laying low about it and hoping that the idea is taking root in their minds somehow. I feel that blithering on about it will only strengthen their resolve not to go. I would really prefer not to end up in the situation where I have to say "LOOK I'M YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW BEST!".

DD is 13 and DS is 10 by the way.

HELP!

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WideWebWitch · 01/05/2004 20:48

sm, we've just moved from Devon to Bristol and 6yo ds said he didn't want to go at first (after years of moaning about how he preferred London to Devon fgs!) but came round. I know he's a lot younger than yours but I talked it up a lot and kept saying things like "when we're in Bristol we can go to that great xyz I've told you about. I don't think there is one here." So could you just keep mentioning positive things about the move and hope some of it sinks in? Sorry, probably not much help. Will post again if I have any blinding ideas

Original poster

spacemonkey · 01/05/2004 20:58

Thanks www

That is my instinct too - I slip little things into the conversation like "there's a great such-and-such in London". Trouble is, they immediately cotton on to my ham fisted tactics! I have spoken to them and given them a list of good reasons to move there.

It's made more complicated in that their dad lives here in Colchester and he hates the idea of us moving away (understandably - although he's being v childish about it, refusing to speak to me etc - and it's not even definite yet!). So their loyalties are torn.

People do say that children adapt quickly once in the new place, and I'm sure that's true. I just wish there was some way to get them on my side about it before we go ...

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Penguin2 · 01/05/2004 21:03

We are possibly on the brink of moving too. My kids are younger (ds1 -nearly 8, ds2 -6, dd -4 and ds3 -14 months but he doesn't count here!) They also don't want to move and it doesn't help that we don't know where we will be going yet, but I have shown them houses on estate agents' websites and they love choosing houses from the details. All I need now is the million pounds needed to buy them!

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Janh · 01/05/2004 21:16

sm, could you arrange a couple of visits with the kids to meet people like Davros and maomao (and ideally anyone they know with kids roughly the same ages as yours) so they will get a better idea of what it's like to be a kid living there? (I think it will be fantastic for them too but what you and I think won't count, obviously!)

Janh · 01/05/2004 21:21

City Neighbours - this page is just about Hampstead I think, maybe mostly too young for yours but it's a start. I'll see if I can find any more.

Janh · 01/05/2004 21:24

Go to "children's activities and events" on the drop-down menu. No idea how it compares with Colchester but there's lots there.

Original poster

spacemonkey · 01/05/2004 21:27

thanks jan!

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Original poster

spacemonkey · 01/05/2004 21:28

Just checked the link out - excellent! There is SO much more for them to do there

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israel · 01/05/2004 21:33

Dear spacemonkey
...Just be as positive as you can about the move.
Get them to look up things /places where you will be or able to get to in a day.Get them to find out about clubs or activites which they can become invloved with....If you show them your enthusiasm I'm sure they will follow.
My family and I are in the middle of a huge move...to OZ. We sold our house last Nov and are in rented accom.....My children dd12 and ds3 are very excited and full of enthusiasm...I don't talk about it all the time...but have developed a whole wall in this rented house, full of pictures and maps. It covers now a wall 12ft long by 7ft high...I just hope the landlady won't mind all the pin holes.....But these pictures have inspired active, postive conversation.....maybe you have time to do something like this?
Good luck...from a lady thats excited and terrified at 'OUR' move...how do you feel about yours?....ISRAEL

Original poster

spacemonkey · 01/05/2004 21:44

Hi Israel and thanks for your post

I like your idea of the pinboard and getting the kids involved. I would love them to think of this as an adventure (which it is)!

Thinking about it, I am starting to wonder if it's the fact that they would be moving away from their dad that is at the root of their negativity. It's only 70 miles away, but it will restrict their time with him to weekends only. Perhaps this thread would be better in the Lone Parents topic!

PS Israel, will be in touch soon about your chart. Your move sounds exciting!

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