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Original poster

party invites for 1 but not t'other. What do I do?

15 replies

ernest · 31/10/2006 11:13

Just received birthday party invite for ds1 (7), but not ds2 (5). I feel so hurt for ds2. The kid is 2 years younger than ds2, so nearly 4 years younger than ds1, yet only ds1 has been invited. This is not the first time (actually happened too many times) that ds1 invited and not ds2 and it really hurts his feelings so much. I understand the family/child should be able to invite who they want, but still feel hurt and angry. It's so fucking unfair. It breaks his little heart. But then do I still let ds1 go - unfair to deny him his party? Do I decline & tell the family why? Up til now we've always let ds1 go and me or dh has taken ds2 out for a treat. But it still hurts him a lot not to have been invited?

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cupcakes · 31/10/2006 11:16

Let ds1 go - it's not his fault. And unfortunately ds2 will have to get used to it.
Eventually, the invitations will even out and he'll be invited to parties without his brother which will mean even more to him then.
why is a 3 year old inviting a 7 year old?

foxinsocks · 31/10/2006 11:18

oh I posted on your other thread

mine get separate invites all the time - that's what happens! They have their own social lives that aren't necessarily connected to each others.

EnidVorhees · 31/10/2006 11:20

yes it is hard we have it here especially as dd1 is soooooooooo not bothered about parties and dd2 LOVES them and yet dd1 gets invited to tons more than dd2

but it is life and unfair etc etc

I always do something nice with dd2 like go swimming or do painting or something

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Original poster

ernest · 31/10/2006 11:20

well the boy I guess is about to turn 4, but round here there's loads of kids (about 60) and lots of them play out together all the time. Age range mostly 2 - 8 so they tend to muck in together.. Tho yes, it is a big age gap. Birthday boy tends to play with his big brother (6) so always around older kids

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EnidVorhees · 31/10/2006 11:23

well I thin you have to accept that the mum may have said to the boy you can have 15 kids who do you want? and he said ds1 not ds2 I know

Bozza · 31/10/2006 11:29

Enid surely part of your DD1 getting invited to so many more parties is an age thing? And I would have thought as she gets older and the parties get a bit smaller and more exclusive it might swap over.

DD got invited to a party from nursery the other week, and really it is the only one she has been invited to without DS who obviously has been to several without her. She was so full of it - and made sure DS knew she was as only a 2 1/2 yo little sister can do.

Ernest I think you have to let DS1 go and treat DS2. It just sounds like one of those unfortunate odd situations that happen to our children and we hate.

twelveyeargap · 31/10/2006 11:34

It does seem unfair, but from the point of view of the parents hosting the party; they can't invite everyone either.

I've had times when people have shown up with siblings to my DD's parties and expected me to just include them and it's really annoying. And same, parent's have called and said "so and so can't come becuase her sister isn't invited." Mostly I don't even know the families and have no idea whether they have siblings and I don't like being guilt-tripped into inviting kids I've never met.

It is hard on your DS2, but he will get more invites as he gets older.

HappyMumof2 · 31/10/2006 11:36

Message withdrawn

lockets · 31/10/2006 11:40

This reply has been deleted

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Imascaryfairy · 31/10/2006 12:02

Let DS1 go - there are going to be many parties where one gets invited and not the other. I'd take DS2 off and do something nice with him while DS1 is at the party

LunarSea · 31/10/2006 12:46

This is inevitable IMHO. OK a little unusual in that your ds2 is nearer in age to the birthday child than the one who has actually been invited, but I can pretty well guarantee that it won't be the last time it happens.

Think of it from the point of view of the parents organising the party. When you have limited numbers - whether because of cost or space - you simply can't invite all the siblings of the children invited, or you'd pretty soon end up with a policy of "only children only".

This year I've had to not invite some siblings, because ds's party included actvities which were specifically aimed at a certain age group, so we couldn't have younger brothers/sisters. A couple of years ago we had his party at a venue with a strict limit on numbers, which gave us nightmares when a couple of mums sent back acceptances for BOTH their children, although we'd only invited the one that ds knew, and pushed us over the limit.

Original poster

ernest · 31/10/2006 12:53

i know i know I do understand the parent's pov, that they can oly invite so many kids. I live here too and have the same prob when my ds's have party. But I'^d rather neither was invited than just ds1. I'd also be ok if just ds2 had been invited, but as it is, for the nth time, ds1 is invited, ds2 not invited, yet the child is closer in age to ds2 than ds1. They all play together. and it's happened loads of times. it has not once happened the other way round and it's really denting his confidence that a boy from his class that he plays with invites his older brother and not him. Or in this case a boy 2 years younger inviting his older brother and not him. A treat with mum or dad is all well and good but does not make up for or undo the hurt caused by this rejection.

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nappyaddict · 02/11/2006 19:20

i am sure there are probably other people who this boy plays with that haven't been invited as well. he was probably asked who do you want to invite and the parents went with that. it is his birthday after all.

nappyaddict · 02/11/2006 19:22

also is this boy good friends with ds2? if he is equally as good friends with ds2 and ds1 i can see why you might be thinking "but why?!" but maybe this boy is just better friends with ds1?

StrawberryMoon · 02/11/2006 19:26

i know its not nice for the LO, but were doing similar at minute..having a party and only have 15 spaces for her clas mates..we have one boy who's little sis(about 2yrs) is invited but only cos dd talks to her when we collect her, but all others are just single invites..it costs enough and you always get one or two who just turn up with siblings..which i think it chheky

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