Nearly 2 Year old - Realllly Need help! Desperate..

[Emmiedarling]

So, I am desperate for help & advice. (Sorry might be long)

I have a 23 month old little boy who I feel i should be enjoying, playing with and for the most part having a awesome time with.

In reality this couldn't be further from the truth and I feel absolutely terrible writing that. But honestly - everything seems like a REAL effort and most things from the moment we get up to the moment he goes to bed are a complete fight.. even the fun things.

We have the usual tantrums - they started early at 13 months but have gotten progressively worse and now he has 4-5 big ones a day lasting up to an hour each time. He also gets frustrated and cross at the littlest things (shoe lace undone, book not opening, wheel on car getting stuck)

Nothing at all is right.. and we end up cross with each other and never having a good time at anything we do. Even things like bath time - he throws a wobbler at now - even though I sing and have bubbles and get toys out.. He pinches me (yes i discipline appropriately), cries, wants to get out. He just seems so unhappy.

He is very, very active and with that in mind I try to plan things to keep him busy - lots of park visits (we have no garden) and trips to feed the ducks, play centers etc. He is also at nursery three full days a week. I organise playdates, but when we meet up with his friend he won't walk, and then he won't go in the buggy, he won't be carried...i mean honestly... we get them ice creams.. little joe bloggs happily sits there with his mummy eating it nicely and my LO chucks his on the floor.

Looking for reassurance I talk to my 'mummy' friends, but they tell me tales of days out or activites that they have been doing with their LO's. Let me just give you a taster of what I'm hearing..

1. Going out for meals. I've attempted this on numerous occasions ending in mass disasters. He only seems capable of sitting still for about 5-10 minutes only enough time to order food. By that time he's started having a full blown tantrum hurling the free colouring crayons, book/toy i've brought from home. Screaming, trying to hit me... by the time the food has come i've usually legged it.

1. A trip on the bus. We live in London, I have no car. I dread using public transport because my son HATES being in the buggy for any amount of time. I'm talking full blown fits..it's not a pleasant day out! I have tried taking him on the train - he loves trains - and getting him out the buggy to sit on the grown up seats to watch out the window. But he won't sit, he just wants to charge up and down on the carriage causing havoc and falling over, trying to pull emergency alarm. It's just not ideal.

1. Watching the ipad/laptop. I know some people don't agree with this one. But I wouldn't mind esp when he wakes up at 5am (most days) I open the laptop and put something appropriate on and he just bangs and hits the keyboard so i have to remove it. He gets SO angry and cross.

1. Baking/colouring/activities in the house.

My LO won't sit still. Can't seem to keep him engaged in an activity. Is this normal? I've bought crayons and sat on the floor with him. He threw all the crayons rather aggressively, then ate some, then had a tantrum. Baking - oh goodness. Don't get me started. We seem to wind each other up if in the house. He is just into everything he shouldnt be - the bin, the washing machine, the freezer...

Trouble is, I know they're not lying as I've seen it with my own eyes! And they've also seen my little one having massive tantrums. One even texted me after a park playdate (and i know she didn't mean any harm by it) saying, 'gosh if i had to put up with that I'd be feeling stressed out too! Feel really sorry for you x'

I'd like to add that despite all the moaning and groaning that I try and be a positive and nurturing Mum. I just don't know where I am going wrong.

I love him to bits, but please tell me other people are experiencing this too? It does get easier right?

I'm a single mum and really, really tired. I know there are tantrums and hard bits - i'd just like there to be smiles and fun bits too!

Hi OP I just wanted to empathise with how it feels when your kid is different from other people's. My son is younger than yours (16 months) but particularly when he was a baby he wasn't anything like the other babies. Had a lot of problems with pain which affected everything, feeding, sleep, behaviour. I found meeting up with my nct lot really depressing. Got sick of their eyes widening, gasps, and 'oh my, my baby isn't like that'. I just stopped going to the groups as it was such a Negative experience. Every tells you how great and supportive it is to meet other parents who will understand what you are going through but that is only true if you have a normal curve baby like theirs! If not they have no bloody idea!
Maybe your son is just a free spirit who wants to do his own thing. Our son is not a 'joiner', he doesn't join in baby/ toddler classes or set activities but runs around doing his own thing. We were lucky that there is a nursery where we live which is based on a free play philosophy so this suits ds. He was miserable at a mainstream nursery, stuck in a room all day, set activities, did not suit him! Kids are all different. He may just get frustrated because he is smart and active and his abilities can't yet match his will!
I don't have a recommendation for a toddler book, but have just read calmer, easier happier parenting for age three up. I think it has some very sensible ideas, and we are implementing some bits already. Might be worth a read, and at least will help in the future.

Hi any updates on your darling son ?

Hi op, couldn't read and run. Just to say I have 2dc and they could not have been more different to each other at that age. I think it is temperament and nothing you are doing/not doing. However, some things to try could be a toddler trike or reins. Sticking to things he enjoys and avoiding restaurants etc for the time being. When i tried to take my second dc to a library ages 18-24m, he'd get bored after half a book and want to run around. He's 3 now and we can happily spend time there looking at books and getting some out. He enjoys it. So things do change. Hang in there x

Also, I think it's Nanny Aimes on tiktok who has a great run down of personality traits such as persistence, activity level etc. Found it very interesting and helpful