Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

How do you respond to the inevitable question, "When are you having another?

25 replies

sharond101 · 21/11/2013 22:18

I have been asked twice this week from two nosey busy bodies when I am having another child. DS is 18 mo and today an ex neighbour said "Are you not pregnant yet with a brother or sister for xxxx?" We didn't have an easy time conceiving our DS athough regardless of this I still don't think it's anyones business to ask such questions. I am of course too nice to say that to there face and come out with some mumbled excuse about the time not being right. What are you intelligent responses?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

justabigdisco · 21/11/2013 22:25

I say 'no, not yet!' What else can you say??

Original poster

sharond101 · 21/11/2013 22:27

I'd like to put them off asking again without sounding too nasty.

OP posts:

domesticslattern · 21/11/2013 22:29

I say jokingly "I have no idea but you'll be the first to know!" then laugh and start talking about something else.
People are just making small talk, bit thoughtless but not worth rowing about.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

gallicgirl · 21/11/2013 22:32

I usually go with "over my dead body" or "when hell freezes over".

Wolfiefan · 21/11/2013 22:36

When I get a full night of sleep.
Or
Don't you have to have sex first?
Or
But I need to let my fistula heal first.
Or
We are hoping Santa will drop one down the chimney!

TiredFeet · 21/11/2013 22:36

I just used to say 'ones enough' or make a joke of some sort.

It took ages ttc no1 and I wasn't sure that we would manage to have another, but much to our surprise no2 was a happy accident!!!

RubyGoat · 21/11/2013 22:40

I just tell people that as we'd almost given up hope by the time I got pregnant with DD, we may just stick at one. Usually shuts them up!

Failing that, ask them for help with your conception schedule for the 'next time round' & rope them in for childcare several times a month until you get pregnant. Bet they'll say no...

HighVoltage · 22/11/2013 04:10

I'm with LegoCaltrops - I just started being honest ("well we tried a long time for number 1...") which tended to shut them up immediately because they realised what a personal question.

(We ended up with twins as number 2 and 3 if it gives anyone hope - or puts anyone off ...!)

fhdl34 · 22/11/2013 04:20

I used to be honest and say I didn't know as it took 4 years to conceive dd after being told we wouldn't at all so if we can't then we're happy just with her. And I was asked a few times when dd was still newborn (yes really!). As it happened, periods returned when she was a year, and I was pregnant on my 3rd cycle and due in a couple of weeks. I never ask people if they want kids or are trying, we didn't tell many people of our issues and I hated when people would just say "so, when are you two gonna have one?" And I'd have to lie because the truth was too painful at that point.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 22/11/2013 04:50

'When the time is right' Could be soon, could be never, but that always seemed to work to stop questions. We had fertility issues so really had no idea if or when we would have another.

RunningBear78 · 22/11/2013 05:07

I was asked this when as was two weeks old!? So strange. Say you want a bigger age gap, or that you are trying, or not sure I could handle two. What ever, any little lie is fine as a response. Once you start, I am sure you will get creative with responses!

LovesBeingHereAgain · 22/11/2013 05:39

You must be joking one is more than enough. Worked for me.

Lavenderhoney · 22/11/2013 05:46

Usually its just small talk, so you could say " no idea, but thanks for asking!" And then change the subject.

Original poster

sharond101 · 22/11/2013 22:34

fhdl34 your story is identical to mine and you know saying it honestly sounds the best option of all of these. thank you.

OP posts:

Newmum0113 · 23/11/2013 02:30

DD is only 6 weeks and I'm constantly being asked this.

I'm really struggling to answer as DH has decided that one is enough (although we've always talked about having two or more on the past). I find it really upsetting as I'm scared he won't change his mind and even talked about an vasectomy :(

I understand where he's coming from in the sense that you can only provide half as much for two children, or have to work twice as much to make the money, then spend less time with them etc. In my head his arguments make total sense, but in my heart I want another.

As with other posters, I was also told I'd never conceive naturally but we did on the first night of trying - I then had an early miscarriage scare, and then surgery to remove my appendix at 19weeks pregnant and almost lost her then. We are so unbelievably blessed to have her (even if she will only sleep during the day!)

I'm just so torn. I've also just got my period back this week so feeling extremely tetchy. And I cant get the implant put back in until last week of January either - but we're on holiday - and we were on holiday last year when we tried for DD - I'm dreaming that he will say "let's try for another" then...kidding myself much?!

Tired and confused! :(

Chacha23 · 23/11/2013 11:31

People used to ask me all the time when me and DH would have a baby. My strategy: tell the truth, ie "well we've been trying but because of various health issues we're not sure we can ever have children." Maybe slightly oversharing, but it shut them right up, and made them feel like crap for being nosy.

UsedToBeNDP · 23/11/2013 11:32

I always said, "I'm not."

None of their business.

BigWellyLittleWelly · 23/11/2013 20:38

I'm coming to this from the flip side. I've a friend who I've known a long long time, like decades, we both had baby girls within a few months of each other, I've just had my second (3y gap) and have in passing mentioned a couple of time whether they were having another.

I recently discovered that due to health issues they struggled a long time to have their first and won't have another. I had absolutely no idea. I think her husband has asked her to not mention it but I do wish they'd been brutally honest with me as I would have been much more careful about what I said so I didn't cause any offence

Be honest.

violator · 23/11/2013 20:49

BigWellyLittleWelly I don't think anyone should have to explain why they're not having any more.
I had severe PND needing hospitalisation and certainly don't offer that information when asked about number two.
Friends I've known for a long long time, well some of them are aware of the severity of my PND, others aren't and I don't feel I should have to explain our reason for not having another at this time.

violator · 23/11/2013 20:50

Forgot to add that nobody really knows anyone else's situation so asking personal questions like that can cause offence whether intended or not.

TiredFeet · 23/11/2013 21:42

BigWelly surely the simplest would be just not to ask in the first place? Its very personal for lots of people, I didn't even want to discuss with close friends

BigWellyLittleWelly · 23/11/2013 22:33

Oh I'm so sorry that wasn't quite what I meant, I completely agree that nobody should have to explain about whether they were or weren't having another (and indeed I won't be explaining to anyone about our family growing more) but that sometimes if its someone who you know relatively well then rather than having to think up a witty or off the cuff reply then just an honest it's none of your bloody business might shut them up?

I would never and have never intended to cause my friend upset and pain and certainly never said by heck lass you're taking your time to extend your family you're not getting any younger my lovely. Because that's crass.

I'll STFU now as requested.

Tubemole1 · 23/11/2013 22:42

Some friends and family still say, "there's time yet! " because I am 36 and my girl is 7. I just say to them one is enough for my patience.

The real reasons are I have atrial fibrillation, am overweight, had a nasty first birth and I can't afford to raise another one. But its no-one else's business than mine.

Sunnysummer · 24/11/2013 06:20

We say something along the lines of 'well, we feel so lucky to have one' - most people then assume we had trouble in any case (which is true) and back off, plus it means that we don't need to reveal to my colleagues that my dream would be to have 3 more mat leaves to come! If people push beyond that, then they are being rude and it's fine to tell them to back off.

3bunnies · 24/11/2013 06:33

I just tell them that the shop is now closed for that! People still ask me despite being fully aware that we have 3 lovely dc (youngest 4) and I'm no spring chicken. Then dh said yesterday that he was broody ahhhh!

I think some people never tire of asking and I think that for those people maybe a direct answer could shut them up. For the little old lady behind you in the checkout queue a 'one is enough for now' answer is sufficient'.

Flip