DH left DS2 (age 3) in the house on his own, and I am LIVID

[Legacy]

I was out at the shops. Came back into the driveway. The side gate of the house was open. I walked round and found the french windows open, and met DS2 (will be 4 in August) wandering around in the garden saying 'where's Daddy?'

I called to my DH but no reply, checked upstairs (we have 3 floors, so not always easy to hear). Not there. Back into garden, garage, shed. Not there. Suddenly DH appears coming down the driveway...

"Where the f*ck were you?" I ask. "Oh, I just popped across to X's (a neighbour)for a few minutes. Well, I had been back for between 5 - 10 minutes at this point.

I am livid, and told him so. He says I'm completely over-reacting.

But we live in a biggish house, with bushes at the front. The said neighbours house is about 50 metres away. He certainly wouldn't have heard anything if DS had been screaming. There is also a road between us, and some of the less considerate neighbours pelt down the street at 50 Mph.

I shudder to think that DS2 could have wandered out looking for his Daddy.... or could've done something else, like fall of the climbing frame which is 5ft+ high.

What do you reckon? Am I over-reacting?

No. Not over reacting. I'd have gone ballistic. But maybe thats just me?

Not over-reacting at all. Utterly irresponsible to leave a child alone at that age. Why didn't he take ds with him to the neighbour?

Not overreacting. What an idiot.

Not over-reacting. It sounds as though he hadn't even told ds2 where he was going either.

Definitely not over-reacting. Re-his response - tell him to get on the phone to the health visitor and ask her/his opinion!

No - what planet is your DH from? Why couldn't he take your DS with him if it was that urgent. I think the fact that your DS didn't actually know where your DH had gone is enough to show that you were not overreacting. As you say a 3 year old is years away from being old enough to make judgements about crossing the road, never mind what could have happened if he had had an accident.

Thunk.............

That was my jaw hitting the keyboard on the way to the floor.

This makes me feel physically ill - yes, get him to ring social services - the mere mention of them might make him see how serious this is.

Message from my DH

Out of order Mr Legacy.

I'm sorry but it's f*cking ridiculous that he thinks you are over reacting

That is so stupid, I'm amazed he doesn't see how wrong it was. And against the law, as it happens.

Print out this thread in about 10 minutes and show it to him.

If, if in those few minutes he had been gone he had wandered onto the road and being knocked over would you still have been overreacting??? Ask him that. Whos fault would it have been?

The stupidity of some people astounds me.

MR LEGACY

Just because nothing bad did happen doesn't mean it was safe to do it! You did something very dangerous, and it is wrong to tell your wife she is over-reacting just because you feel guilty. She is not over-reacting. What you did is neglect.

he knows that's illegal doesn't he

idiot

Words fail. sorry but that's neglet.

No, you're not over reacting, v foolish imo. I wouldn't have been worried if it was my 8yo but a 3yo? No.

Hang on though, I'm fairly sure it's NOT illegal, there is no law on age a child can be left alone iirc.

i was shocked but not cross when dh met me from walk one day leaving ds at home on his own. I only work a few minutes walk from home and he brought dd with him. Ds is 10.

How is he as a dad otherwise?

Astounded. Why on earth didn't he just take ds with him? My god, what if he'd been kidnapped or something? (Okay, bit unlikely the local kidnapper was counting on your dh to be such a pillock but even so).

no legacy you are not over reacting...this would have made me livid too. Did the neighbours know he had left DS at home? If so, can your DH be sure that THEY aren't letting social services know????????

I'd say that to him to try to get him to see the bigger picture here regarding neglect of your DS's safety. Others do have opinions and your neighbours may well have been astounded to see him without DS if thhey knew he had care of him.

Be strong, this is nowhere near good enough parenting from your DH! Be assertive with him, he needs to shape up in my view!

What a stupid tosser.

The law is not clear because it does not state an age when children can be left alone. But parents can be prosecuted for wilful neglect if they leave a child unsupervised “in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health” (Children and Young Persons Act 1933).

I think leaving a 3 year old unsupervised for even 3 minutes is 'likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health' .. don't even think that's anywhere near the 'grey area' of young teens being left alone

Hmm, I'm pretty mellow, and have been known to run something to a neighbour leaving DS1 on his own, since he's been 4. But we're talking under a minute here, and quite short distances, too. I don't get involved in a chat, I know I'm on the clock. Oh, and DS1 knows I've gone, and where. And can get there without getting even near a road. (We're in a sort of development.)

I'd be really uncomfortable with what your DH did.