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Original poster

Did anybody not buy a present for the older child "from the baby"?

50 replies

emkana · 09/06/2006 19:30

Because I haven't bought anything for the dd's.
Just didn't feel right in the circumstances.

Is their relationship with their brother going to be doomed?

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tenalady · 09/06/2006 20:53

I dont believe in all that giving gift to another child because a new baby is here. Not sure when or where that gem came from. I was furious when my MIL got a tree planted for my newborn ds and the stepkids altogether, who had caused an uneccesary upset over the arrival. So bloody furious I didnt turn up to the planting and havent a clue where they are anyway. Typical MIL unknowingly insensitive!

FrannyandZooey · 09/06/2006 20:56

I sort of feel like it is a bit of a whopping fib. I think it's ok to buy them a present from yourselves, because you want to. But a baby can't buy a present and I think telling a preschooler that it can is quite daft.

psychomum5 · 09/06/2006 21:04

I did each time for all five (well.....not the DD1 obviously!)

I did because I felt it would help with the fact that the new baby always had lots of pressies bought and I didn't want their first feelings about their new sibling to be one of jealousy. I never ever had any jealousy issues, and whether that was just luck or due to the pressies I'll never know, but it made me feel lots better :)

the pressies I bought them tho were colouring bits and all 'stocking' type little toys so that when they came to visit me in the hospital they always had something to occupy them with. work famously with DS2 as I was extremely ill and was kept in for quite some time. It meant I could still see them and they didn't get bored.

spoilt???? maybe, but was my choice and a happy one at that:)

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Hallgerda · 09/06/2006 21:31

I didn't. It didn't even occur to me.

Miaou · 09/06/2006 21:46

Nope - when dd2 was born, dd1 was only 17 months so the baby was her present in her eyes! And when ds was born dd1 was 8 and dd2 was almost 7, so they were a bit old really.

At 5 and 3 though I would have said it would be an appropriate thing to do if you wanted to, and that's regardless of the circumstances

That said, I wouldn't worry if you don't get chance to do it now emkana!

nooka · 09/06/2006 22:43

I like presents to be who they are actually from. But then I'm a "there's no such thing as Father Christmas" sort of Mum. ds was 16mths old when dd was born, and I don't think we did anything in particular, although we did make sure he had plenty of things to occupy himself with. I wouldn't have said that dd was "his" because she isn't, and I think saying that the baby is a present is a little unwise, as babies are not exactly ideal present material for the average child are they? What with the crying and the fact that they don't actually do very much for a long time, and then when they do you might not like it much (dd was always keen on pulling ds's hair for example!)

Xavielli · 09/06/2006 23:33

I didnt buy a prezzie from the baby for ds. Mainly because it would have been a waste of money as i knew he (15months at the time) would be more interested in my paper water cup than anything that came wrapped or made noise.

When I was born my big bro was bought a red tractor from me... it has become a running joke in the family that I was no problem to birth but the tractor was a bloody nightmare!

geekgrrl · 09/06/2006 23:36

I never did. (Find it a bit silly TBH and dd1 would never in a million years believe that there was some sort of toy shop inside my uterus)

They all love each other. :)

juuule · 09/06/2006 23:41

Xavielli - :o at "I was no problem to birth but the tractor was a bloody nightmare!"

EmmaKB · 10/06/2006 00:04

I bought a prezzie for DD from Ds1 but I forgot about it and didn't give it to her until 3 weeks later. Didn't bother when ds2 came along.

Caligula · 10/06/2006 06:59

No. I don't think it makes much difference to sibling jealousy tbh. The amount of attention you can spare for the older child(ren) does along with involving them with helping. They soon forget the present and you still have to deal with the family dynamics.

threebob · 10/06/2006 07:11

Did you buy something for dd1 when dd 2 came along? That's the only good reason - especially if there are photos of her with whatever it was. But then she would have been 2, so won't remember unless someone mentions it.

Twiglett · 10/06/2006 07:19

I didn't .. DS was far too clever to fall for that .. he was 3 though

We did buy him his own baby though ..his interest in it lasted for about 10 minutes

Auntymandy · 10/06/2006 07:27

Do you know, I cant remember!!
Dont think we did! :)

kitbit · 10/06/2006 08:19

When friends have baby no2 we take pressies for the new baby and also for the older sibling, as I don't think it's fair to give presents to one and not the other - of course when birthdays come round it's different, but by then the older child will have got the hang of thefact that there's a new brother or sister there. At the beginning it's more about making sure they feel included. Buying for other families though if different from buying from your own baby to your own older child. But I think I would go for the present route - shameless bribery? Yes perhaps! If it works though and makes older child feel extra special at a time when all the attention is going elsewhere then hey, whatever works.

stapo1 · 12/06/2006 23:27

Hi emkana
No I didn't buy anything, ds2 arrived at 28wks so no chance but not sure I am that organised anyway.
I don't think it has done them any harm they still love (& sometimes hate) each other, even with all the extra attention ds2 had & still gets because of his special needs.
Don't give yourself a hard time they will love their baby brother anyway!

Notquitesotiredmum · 13/06/2006 10:24

Hi there

I agree - it doesn't matter at all. They will still love/hate each other just as all siblings do.

We did buy one, cause I thought that we had to. DS1 was completely underwhelmed by it/ignored it for ages/was v. aware that it was from us and nothing to do with the baby. He got loads of other presents too, from friends, and started getting really greedy when people arrived!

In the end, he loved his baby brother loads, and was happiest when people talked to him, and v. unhappy when Nana and Grandad, particularly, gushed over the baby and brushed him aside. It's relationships that count, not presents.

The best piece of advice I had at the time, was to make sure that the baby was in the cot when introducing him to ds1, so that my hands were free for the older child/children to give him/them a big hug. Then we went together to see ds2.

Kathy1972 · 13/06/2006 10:29

It's nice to see this thread. My dd will be 18 months when no.2 is born in December and I'm not honestly terribly comfortable with the present-from-the-baby idea but it seems to be the prevailing orthodoxy.... I'm sure it will be fine not to!

motherinferior · 13/06/2006 10:38

I did; and DD1 ignored it and dashed towards the baby and was totally entranced by her.

Elibean · 13/06/2006 10:53

Useful thread! dd will be nearly 3, and I've been wondering about first meetings. I might have some small things for her to do in hospital (stickers etc) from us, rather than from 'baby' (she's too old for that, far too canny). Also considered buying her a baby doll with bits before baby arrives, so she can do her thing with nappies and bottles to a tough plastic person rather than a newborn one....but I agree: relationships are the most important bit, attention rather than presents.

Cappucino · 13/06/2006 11:34

we bought dd a playmobil cot and baby for her playhouse

in the interests of imaginary accuracy

Cappucino · 13/06/2006 11:35

but we didn't say it was from the baby. she's not stupid. baby hadn't had a chance to go to any shops

FlameBoo · 13/06/2006 11:37

I didn't but everyone else bought her something, so she really didn't feel left out!

damewashalot · 13/06/2006 12:28

Did for ds1 when ds2 was born but didn't get around to it when ds3 arrived, doesn't seem to have caused any lasting damage

ernest · 13/06/2006 13:30

I did, didn't really believe in it, but did it anyway. Also gor ds's to come & choose pressie for baby.

Must say I was surprised. They were dead chuffed, and even now, 2.5 years later they remember their pressie (action man) oh yes, that's the one * got us when he came out of mummy's tummy.

They did quiz me how come a babby in the belly could buy them a toy & I just said that I went round the shop asking bump should I get this, no answer, should I get this, no answer, should I get this -wiggle wiggle wiggle. So that's how I knew which one baby had chosen. They thought it was very funny and still recount the story.

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