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Original poster

rang child protection services about ds

309 replies

beansontoast · 24/05/2006 14:46

....social worker just rang me back...thinks there are grounds to investigate further.

im in proper full on shock...not as bad as last night,but still shaking abit and i feel like its happening to someone else...a bit detached...functioning but not with it....

my ds...three this sept...was creepily sexually expilicit last night .i wont sya what he said cos im feeling cautious.

something about the context ,manner...his choice of words...his choice of verb...immediately waved a red flag for me.oh god i feel so so sick.

OP posts:
Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 25/05/2006 22:09

Beans ((hugs))

billiejo · 25/05/2006 22:10

beansontoast, reading your post and hearing the strength in your voice and actions makes me feel humbled. your ds is young and i feel certain that he will be ok. with much love , billiejo.xxx

hunkermunker · 25/05/2006 22:16

Beans, I'm so endlessly sorry you're going through this and I don't know what to say other than to offer my support and thank heaven you have your DS home and safe with you. Much love x x x x

Elibean · 25/05/2006 22:24

Oh Beans, I'm so glad to hear the proud Mummy, and so sad for the whole bloody nightmare you're going through. Well done on getting through another gruelling, shocking day. Yes, thank goodness your ds is out of there - and for the team of professionals: may they do their job with speed and accuracy. Hope you get some rest tonight, xxxxxxC

sottovoce · 25/05/2006 22:35

Sending love to you and your family Beans, and hoping you continue to display the amazing courage you have shown this far. in my thoughts and prayersXXXXXX

kipper22 · 26/05/2006 09:33

Another MNer here who has been following your post and has no idea what to say. Just to let you know how amazing your courage is and that I'm sure your love will get your family through this.

dublindee · 26/05/2006 09:37

Hope today is a bit easier for you all beans.

[hug]

geekgrrl · 26/05/2006 09:38

:( Beans, been following this - don't have anything useful to say but am so impressed with how you're handling this simply dreadful situation.
I have a ds the same age as yours and feel sick to my stomach at the thought. Glad to hear you have a lot of support to help you through the nightmare.

Marina · 26/05/2006 09:41

Beans I don't know what to say to you either - I've just seen this. Your little ds is very lucky to have a brave, observant, decisive mum. You listened to him and you got yourselves some help. For all your sakes I hope there is conclusive evidence to find the culprit and you continue to get the excellent support it sounds like SS and the Police are giving you as a family. You don't have to answer this because I know you are choosing your words carefully but if appropriate Ofsted should be informed by SS.
Sending you lots of love.

Bugsy2 · 26/05/2006 09:52

Just seen this too. Really shocked. You are a strong, brave person & I'm glad you are getting good support. Wish you weren't in this situation though.

shimmy21 · 26/05/2006 10:09

This must be one of the most terribly shocking and sad things I have read on MN. Sad Thankyou so much for believing ds and being so brave because you are also protecting all the other children that these sick people/ person come into contact with.

BOT, your ds is young enough to forget all this completely and all that will remain is his sense of how his mum loves him, believes him and protects him.

How is ds holding up in the face of all the doctors and police investigations? Are you able to keep up routines and fit in some fun times for him? It must be so hard.

Wishing you a speedy resolution (prison at the very least for the perpetrator) so that ds, you and your family can move on to the next happier stage of your lives.

Blu · 26/05/2006 10:18

Beans - so sorry, and well done for your swift and decisive action. Keep posting on MN to 'unload' - your little lad probably doesn't realise how 'bad' it all is, and the more he sees you being calm and 'ordinary' the better, probably. Kids have a tendency to think that things they don't understand are their fault, and if he wasn't physically hurt or frightened he may not realise that anything bad has happened at all. Small children's lives are defined by learning about the strange and new things they see adults doing in every day life. You sound as if you are being amazingly strong and staunch - that's so strong and so much love for your litt;e boy.

PlummyMummy - tempting as it sounds, I honestly don't think it would be wise to send anonymous notes - any panic amongst parents could seriously impeded the police operation, and send the suspect scurrying into hiding. He has to be caught, and he has to be arrested at the moment they have enough conclusive evidence to bring charges- otherwise he will have to be released from custody again - only to to disappear without trace, no doubt.

Original poster
beansontoast · 26/05/2006 11:05

for anyone who is worried avbout teh other children ,telling their parents etc there is no need to worry..it is likely that something happened within hours of my call...i now realise that things like this move very very promptly.

last night was ok to start with...watched a bit of telly...was distracted enough to actually laugh out loud...and then must have drifted off to sleep.

ds falling out of bed woke me up (he never falls out of bed!!)...he made a whimper and i was there liek a rapid response unit befor ehe woke fully and scooped him back into bed...

then i started to feel really really f'ing awfull...i was nudey and wanted to snuggle up next to him,but was really tense incase he 'did something' in his drowsy state...incase it was now a wrong thing for me to do Sad Sad ...so i lay there tense and sick ...

i think its starting to get to me now because i also felt sooo scared and vulnerable last night,i lay next to him,too scared to go to the toilet,so i waited untill it got light...it was liek i was seven again...(i didnt wake dp cos he has a long long awaited job interview this morning)

yeah,god it was horrible... so vulnerable and nervous of shadows!! ...and all that totally childlike stuff that hasnt bothered me for YEARS...
i wanted to come down stairs and post my 'wobble' but i was too scared to turn the lights cos we dont have curtains in the kitchen or sitting room.horrid so so horrid ...and such an unexpected reaction.

my friend has just rung and said she's going to be here in 20 mins...i havent seen any friends yet...she was with me and dp when ds was born...Smile feel a bit better already.

oh and the routine is is still being kept in place thanks to my mum...how much do i owe her???she is teh strong one here believe me.

i am a bit weird though obviously and when i cried yesterday at the kitchen table ,a little while after after he said that thing...ds was soooo tender...i said i was sad about grandpa (died in dec...i still cry a bit frim time to time...so sort of normal for ds to seeit)...anyway,he said in his cute 2 yr old voice and head tilted ''is okaaaaay mummy,you okaaayyy...you wanna drink....have soem your tea'....

another thing that is doing my head in is teh simulataneous feelings of 'every one is so compltely brilliant at their jobs and all those brilliant fast systems in place to protect the likes of all children...and teh suite at the hospital for families liek mine to be treated with dignity and respect and all that...and of course how unbelievably lovely all you m.netters are....AND teh other hatefull angry vengeful feelings plus extremely twisted fucked up nasty shit that has exposed me to all this nicesness

if you understand any of that you are extra amazing xx

OP posts:
CarolinaMoose · 26/05/2006 11:08

beansontoast, I just wanted to say I think you are coping amazingly well with all this nightmarish stuff - your ds is so lucky to have you for a mum.

Marina · 26/05/2006 11:09

I sort of understand your last sentence beans. When I had a stillbirth I got really good, supportive treatment in hospital and part of me was lapping it up and marvelling and being politely appreciative while the rest of me wanted to scream and trash the place and rip everyone's heads off :(
You are being strong for your ds too. Your mum sounds great but you are doing a wonderful job just keeping going through all this

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2006 11:11

Beans no words, just more ((hugs)).

Glad your friend is coming round, your mum sounds amazing - hey must be in the genes Smile!

shimmy21 · 26/05/2006 11:13

Hey, Beany - just remember that every tough day and nightmarish night you get through is taking you and ds further away from the stuff that happened, putting it further into the past and you nearer to better times.

BeetrootOldDeer · 26/05/2006 11:14

beansontoast.

My daughter was sexually abused when she was just three. We caught it very early. we had social workers/police involved.

you can contact me on beetrootbeetroot at Hotmail dot co dot uk
if you need to chat of board.

She is fantastic now and I don't think she remembers!

robin3 · 26/05/2006 11:15

You're doing brilliantly with all of this. All the other parents will have a lot to thank you for and your baby will be just fine with your support.

MeAndMyBoy · 26/05/2006 11:38

I just wanted to add my hugs and thoughts. You are being an amazing strong mum for your little boy. My Ds is the same age and just the thought of something like this makes me feel sick, I really can't imagine how you feel.

He is lucky to have such a fab mum, and his concern for you brought a lump to my throat.

Hope today is a better day. Take care

suzywong · 26/05/2006 11:38

You know I've been thinking about this, as have we all, and your ds and my ds2 are the same age: I don't think he will remember the mechanics of the thing at all. What he will remember, as so many others have said, is if his happy comfort zone of home and mum and dad is shifted. That is what will he will associate with this time in his life BUT you are being such a fantastic mummy this will all pass over him very quickly. Just don't change the way you are with him.

Huge squeeze on the knee to you beansontoast

CristinaTheAstonishing · 26/05/2006 11:38

Beansontoast - I hope you get some support from the friend who's visiting you. Good luck to your DH for his job interview. Your DS sounds such a sweet little boy trying to comfort his mama. :(

Blu · 26/05/2006 11:42

Beans - do contact Beety - she is a lovely person and very experienced and wise. (in her RL she is a Samaritan, too - so knows how to listen)

motherinferior · 26/05/2006 11:43

I just wanted to say how much I admire you and the way you are dealing with this.
xxx

plummymummy · 26/05/2006 11:46

I think this is the first thread that has brought tears to my eyes. Beansontoast you really are amazing and your little boy sounds adorable (esp. the way he was trying to comfort you). Glad you are getting lots of support and it's great that you aren't holding it all in. Blu, yes I agree with you but I was so worried thinking other kids will be in danger while they gather evidence IYSWIM. How can they do surveillance whilst ensuring the other kids are safe? Also, if another child was abused how do you think the parents would feel if they later found out that the place was being investigated but no one warned them? There's no simple answer I know - it's all too horrible for words. I'm glad SS have acted quickly.