rang child protection services about ds

[beansontoast]

....social worker just rang me back...thinks there are grounds to investigate further.

im in proper full on shock...not as bad as last night,but still shaking abit and i feel like its happening to someone else...a bit detached...functioning but not with it....

my ds...three this sept...was creepily sexually expilicit last night .i wont sya what he said cos im feeling cautious.

something about the context ,manner...his choice of words...his choice of verb...immediately waved a red flag for me.oh god i feel so so sick.

Best wishes to you all hun, can't imagine how you feel, you're SO STRONG. Enjoy a good holiday away from it all you all deserve it.

fuck. i have no words beansontoast. you have dealt with this in the way that i would hope that my mother would deal with this if it had been me. and in the way that i would hope to deal with this if it happened to ds. in amongst the total shit, i hope there is a smidge of you that is proud of yourself.

Offer still there of a RL shoulder, BoT - as, I'm sure is TC's.

Not sure exactly whereabouts you are, but you're welcome to email me - hunkermunker at gmail dot com - will understand if you don't want to though and no worries if that's the case x x x

i was going to let this thread go....but hey!

its prob a bit premature but im feeling sort of ok...i thiiiink...went to my uni ball last night...haemorrhaged money for a few hrs..actually it wasnt a ball ..more a posh disco...i won the raffle which was a free portrait (me and dp ecstatic...remember frown lines!!?...how irrrooooonic)

v.weird

i had a rotten coupel of days...fine one minute...bawling the next....then i came on ...hoorah.

met my soc worker at her office...err....last thurs must have been...and was very snotty sobby.

she wanted to get my take on things again (when are they going to realise that it is only them that doenst know for sure!)...she also said something annoying but totally understandable about 'of course if he said something infront of me...' to which i said curtly 'and that would make all th edifference...?'...(which of course it would... i was jsuyt bieng facetious...espesh seeing as im backing off from wnating to see some blood spilled)

dp didnt get the job ...who's surprised??...the odds weere very much against him.

our holiday planning has lost its impetus...dp thinks cornwall is too far for his shattered self to cope with [disappointed face]...havin gone ahead and booked his a/l....he then tells me its for the last two weeks in july [frowny emoticon]...and goes on to give me feeble justification for this and why it should stay as such [business as usual apoplectic emoticon]

hunkershoulders...i must say that my inclination to meet up with you and tc is only streaked with my need for RL shoulders to cry on....and is actually motivated by a 'whooohoo...minimumsnetmeetup..kinda thing'...im not sure taht even in this state i can promise to be more needy /stressed than exited ...your call

(of course cakes and tea are alwyas usefull incase of un petit breakdown)

so good days and bad days .. you're doing fantastically as a family... at least that's how it seems from your post .. and as with any traumatic event there will continue to be good days and bad days with the good days gathering momentum and frequency

don't get the holiday bit .. is there a problem with July? what did you want and where did you want to go

(once again thoughts and 'hang in theres' abound)

I've been away and have been wondering how you and your family are.

Hope you can continue to work things thru' - and don't expect too much of yourself!!!

morning..tahnks you two xx

twiglett...oh just me being a control freak and not wanting to go in school hols..and preferring to go sometime really soon...during the world cup maybe?
its no big deal...just me and dp coming at this this fromopposite sides...him wanting to go 'after'...to recover and me wanting to go 'during'to help us through it...damage limitation style.

OH...and another thing,i saw something on the stages of grief taht you posted onanothe rthread...i think ive done all those stages on this thread...it made me laugh cos its soo linear..espesh my rant.ha ha

xxx

if it helps our school doesn't break up until July 26 this year

re stages of grief .. don't be surprised if you re-visit any or all of them again .. and again .. that's the way it works unfortunately

Beans - still thinking of you. Get that blimmin holiday booked - it'll give you something to focus on and look forward to (the other side of the World Cup) which everything seems to be grinding to a halt for.

Thought I'd posted last night, but must have just done it in my head definitely losing brain cells here. How are you, Beans? (Apart from being the Bollox as usual - thanks for that, btw) Have you found a holiday compromise? Maybe even having one booked to look forward to would be good from the 'getting through it now' point of view.

Also hope the intensity of regular 'intrusions' from professionals has lessened now...and that that feels better, not worse.
Anyway, still thinking of you. xxx

Hey BoT - am back at work today, first day back since having DD2 so not been online for a few days but wanted to come on and see how you were.

Booked that holiday yet bird?

Thomcat...back at work!!...frick....bet thats a mixed bag.Dang...where is the time going?

elibean...you!...posting in oyur head.oyuve got it bad lol...i totally know what you mean!

the hol is taking shape slowly...going to stick with the two weeks he's booked in july...it doesnt make that much difference...and is nice to have to look forward to (elibean and zak both right)

we have a couple of weekends away lined up..one football orientated strangely enough!...the other which i am far more exited by is camping in a friend's garden in Winchelsea....[cough]Alexander Mcqueen is the nearest neighbour [swagger][trip]

all this stuff with ds is now indescribably mad...and would be infuriating had i not made the decision to take it off my agenda.

i started off so positive...so 'they are on my side'...now i feel resigned to (a not altogether bad attitude of)'shit happens'

it sounds so crap/cliched...simple even..but i was hanging out washing earlier and kept thinking 'shit happens' and it made sense...made me feel better.

ha !! it sounds hilarious to re-read ...but i swear it was almost a frickin zen moment!

yoo hoo to you too sagg-knocker xx

ps Thomcat...theres nothing arranged or definite ...but ms hunker and i might meet up locally over the summer...might be shoulders, tea and cakes...might just be tea and cakes

Shit happens is TRUE. And simple. There had to be a big wodge of bad luck in all this, after all.
Oooo you are zen as well as bollocks, you...
Glad the holiday is progressing, but sorry that stuff around ds is mad...don't stop yelling about it if it helps, Beans, ok? Just if.
xx
ps yes, am sad - no brain at all. Or brawn, for that matter.

BoT - if you do meet up, and it's cool, then let me know and I'll be there. Thinking of you. xx

BoT, just wanted to say still thinking of you and your family & hope things are at least bearable.
playing with my los this morning i thought of your question about longterm memory. my ds slept in a cot until 2½ he had the same musical mobile every night and naptime and it was v significant to him. this morning i put him in the cot (he's 3&half now) with his baby sister and played the mobile. he said he can't remember sleeping in the cot and can't remember the music. it really made me think!! i was sure he'd remember this postitive association, and if he doesn't then jopefully your lo won't remember the 'stuff' that's happened recently - hope so for you all...

thanks for that amber..its nice to get back up liek that

thomcat...coooool.this weather is set to last all weekend...(i was thinking about you having to return to work and then all of a sudden the weather turning brilliant...that sucks!)

def going to somerset this weekend...weather alos fab there too.it looks like friends are going to visit us there form cormwall....EXITED

have a lovely weekned folks xxxx

Hi BOT Havent been on MN for a wee while, but had to come straight away to see how you are doing. Still thinking of you and marvelling at how well you are doing....

how's it going Beans?

Been thinking about you here too beans. Hope everything's OK.

beetroot sent me some great books to read with ds...many thanks ,i got them friday just befor e we left...and have been reading them just now...like them both...lots of food for thought too.

have got counselling tomorrow..am trying to think of stuff to say!!!!...you know incase i go blank ..or i feel mysteriously fine....(which i have been r3cently...my predominant worry being 'why do i feel so fine?')

it does feel very weird...liek its not real...liek it didnt happen...my conviction has lessened...it would be very easy for me to now pretend it didnt really happen...there would be no harm in pretending it didnt happen (??)

it does all now seem to exist only in my head...as it has no status in any investigation really...no one else witnessed it as i did...{waht he said and did and even some of his esores)every thing hangs on my interpretation of one event...and that has made me doubt myself and what has happened...am i a sleuth mum? ,now able to pull evidence from the past and link it in...or a woman over reacting to everything? (thats what i feel im categorised as by narrow minded jobbish officials)...

im ds's only voice ..its my word/interpretation of his word against 'theirs'...its like waht i say ds said is tehn filtered through an oficial perspective and interpreted fucking further ...no wonderits so unreal ...its an abstraction.its maddening

my answers are only as good as theri f'ing questions...and the ywant to know ...amongst other things ...what he weighed when he was born...if he has a bath every day (no he doesnt never f'ing has had....still use a bottle of shampoo he got before he ws born...arrest me

another thing i was thinking ....about how cases such as these can only slip through the net....was that preverbal children who hav enot been on the receiving end of sustained and physically painfull abuse...and who dont feel the wrongness of it (aaaaargh this isnt coming out very well)...will most likely not show the behavioural markers taht soc workers and doctors are on the look out for ...and why isnt taht fucking obvious to them...and why cant i think of anything to do about that

this wa sgoing to be a quickie little update...was feeling fine..abit self conscious even...but it seems like i really gave it some thought...and whaddya know ...a rant...a good rant...i had no idea i felt angry til i started writing.

thanks for asking xxxx {wipes one pleasnt bitter sweet sort of tear from eye thinking yep im well ready for bed now]

Oh, BoT

Will email you later this week to sort out meeting up. Have been lax and I'm sorry x x x

oh god...momentarily feel like i should expand a little on my position re shampoo ...ds had eczema...so dont do alot of bathing or 'products'....he's also not big on it either.

dont worry one jot Hunker...

i thought about putting that in capitals,but you know... its late... and no one liek sbeingyelled at.

night x

Morning beans - hell, you don't have to justify anything to us, although I can imagine why you feel you should. FWIW I was never big on baths for mine either.

Hope the councilling is of some help to you - if only as an additional place to rant.

How's your dh?