Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

rang child protection services about ds

309 replies

beansontoast · 24/05/2006 14:46

....social worker just rang me back...thinks there are grounds to investigate further.

im in proper full on shock...not as bad as last night,but still shaking abit and i feel like its happening to someone else...a bit detached...functioning but not with it....

my ds...three this sept...was creepily sexually expilicit last night .i wont sya what he said cos im feeling cautious.

something about the context ,manner...his choice of words...his choice of verb...immediately waved a red flag for me.oh god i feel so so sick.

OP posts:
WestCountryLass · 27/05/2006 12:51

I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say, it is beyond awful and words just aren't enough :(

vitomum · 27/05/2006 13:36

hope you're doing OK today BOT, x

HappyMumof2 · 27/05/2006 14:09

beansontoast - I've only just read this.

Just to say thinking of you and your ds. It sounds as though he has a wonderful mummy.

And he won't remember. I won't go into details but I know he won't x

jofeb04 · 27/05/2006 14:40

Omg beansontoast
My thoughts are with you, your ds, and all your family.

edam · 27/05/2006 15:12

BoT, I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. You sound like a fantastic mother. Am full of admiration for you.

FrannyandZooey · 27/05/2006 15:15

Keep coming on the thread to say something and not knowing what to say. Just wanted to add that I am thinking of you.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 27/05/2006 15:40

Hi beans on toast, i had seen this before but didn;t know what to post, then you said you'll never not post again knowing how helpful it can be, even if its not constructive. so here's another voice of support. Your ds sounds lovely, offering you tea - you are all going to come through this - every day is a step further away from it. xxx

SleepyJess · 27/05/2006 17:02

BeansOnToast, I just wanted to add a few words to say that I (and DH) are thinking of you all and sending strengh vibes, love and good thoughts your way. One day, by hook or by crook, this will all be in the past and you will be able to get back to living and enjoying your little boy again.

Thinking of you

SJ x

grannygoose · 27/05/2006 18:23

BOT - thinking of you today and sending you positive vibes. Keep posting....

bubblez · 27/05/2006 19:29

[hugs]

xx

Elibean · 27/05/2006 21:16

How's the weekend going, Beans? Thinking of you lots. xxx

Original poster
beansontoast · 27/05/2006 21:39

i made a decision last night, quite natuarlly ...ie not thinking...'make yourself do this '...which is what i feel was the fatal error eight months ago...or whenever sept was....

my decision was to just do what was best for ds and also my sanity...that decison is to talk naturally and without fear about any subsequent 'stuff' that ds says or does...its the does stuff that is hardest to reamin 'cool' about.

i am going to tell him that hes not going to go there [insert sicko's names] calmly and sweetly,tell him that he will see granny and cousin more instead [and i cant wait...but i want to wait till its the right day and maybe he asks 'is it so and so today?

i realised that there is a very real chance that i am going to be left high and dry (not badly but in one sense) by those services that have so far been so great.

i think that because he is probably a relatively low risk child compared to some more vulnerable children on their list Sadwe may never 'get closure'..iykwim..as in get a conclusion and a head on a spike!

following some serious damage limitation type thinking [and having things given a personal perspective on here) i just reckon im going to sod any subsequent investigaton and the ''life on hold... dont feed your boy cos forensics want swabs...dont plant words/thoughts/concepts in his mind' approach that goes with it.

im feeling alot lot better since then....about the mechanics of it all.

another positive is that i know and feel such a deep deep love for dp...and that is another of those weird opposits taht i hadnt expected.

im a wreck in every other wy still..im so irritable and i look properly haggard..i have five frown lines instead fo the usual two and a half.

its not only uncharcteristic of me to hate the company of loads of loud people having fun,hugging me,talking innanely about good juice jugs for the fridge door [my mum!]...but im also finding ds such hard work cos he winges and whines..and is contrary . im not getting anywhere near enough sleep.i want to be with him and others but it is unbearable at times.all my comments on any topic are acidic..Sad

my usual self is flexible resoucefull and resilient/deaf to 80% of whingey noises...its hard to have no strength...its a vicious circle cos the more it gets to you the worse you react and the worse teh behavious gets [im not preaching im just talking outloud]

...im also a bit sensitive that this thread is now a bit self indulgent....BUT im going to keep it/print it off so that i can ''put it away ''when i come out the otherside...on a

aslo ds is other than being poorly ,so OBVIOUSLY going to be ok...you are all so right...he's ill but any suffering, residual or otherwise, will be mine and dp's (cant believe i just thought about the mumsnet apostrophe police then...MUST be feeling better)...he's enjoying th ecompany of his nanny and pops and his talking seems to have suddenly had a spurt ...Smile

xx

OP posts:
Miaou · 27/05/2006 21:48

beans, my heart goes out to you, it really does. How horrendous that you and yours have been put in this situation.

Don't worry about this thread being self-indulgent - it isn't. What comes across very strongly is that you are sounding off about the whole way this is affecting you, which can only be a good thing - saves bottling it up! And yes, I think printing it off may be a good plan. After all you don't have to look at it or read it ever again, but you always can if you need to. (However make sure that it is kept securely).

I'm glad we can help by just listening to you atm - this is where mumsnet comes into its own IMO.

(((((hugs)))))) I will keep you in my thoughts xx

Elibean · 27/05/2006 22:01

Thats some powerful decision making, BOT...hats off to you once more. Don't even think about this thread being self-indulgent, please don't - just keep doing what you're doing. Extreme stress changes all of us, gives us all frown lines and does all the things you mention - I promise you you'll get back your 80% resilience to whinging. Meantime, hugs and may you have some decent kip tonight, xxx

Earlybird · 27/05/2006 22:07

Oh beansontoast, I can't imagine what you're going through. Have been following this thread since the beginning, and haven't known what to say. You are responding to an unthinkably difficult situation with admirable strength. It sounds as if you are moving to a frame of mind that will allow you to see a way forward. And please know, there is nothing about this thread that is self-indulgent. Please keep posting if it helps you. We're here to listen and support.

hunkermunker · 27/05/2006 22:17

Still thinking of you, BoT - can't read your update without saying something. You sound very strong and your DS is very lucky to have you x x x

peasinapod · 27/05/2006 22:53

Hoping you are now on the journey to come out the other side of this nightmare . As a side thought I hope your DP is managing to sort his head out around this devestating situation . keep strong both of you .

plummymummy · 27/05/2006 22:57

Beans, this may sound weird but you write very well. Have you thought about writing a diary under a pseudonym (rather like you're doing here)and getting it published. I think you would be an inspiration to parents in the same situation and maybe it would be therapeutic for you also. I know this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but I just thought I would say it as it's something you might consider in the future. I have great admiration for you and the way you are dealing with this. I'm also so happy for you that you are feeling closer to your dp. xxx

saadia · 27/05/2006 23:05

I have been following this thread and wanted to post but couldn't find the words. Really I just wanted to wish you and your family the best, it sounds like you are all really strong together and will get through this awful awful experience. And I'm just so thankful that your ds managed in his own way to tell you.

Thomcat · 27/05/2006 23:07

Beansontoast - just seen this for the first time and just wanted to let you know that I think you are amazing, what a lucky boy t have such a fab mummy there for him. You know I'm local, let me be there for you if I can, okay. Just say and I'm there, tea, cakes, shoulder, anything you want, I'm there. Big love to you, wish this wasn;t happening to you babes, so, so sorry.

hunkermunker · 27/05/2006 23:16

BoT, if TC's local, then so am I - happy to do the shoulder and cakes thing too if it'll help, if not, tell me to bog off. My DS1 is a little bit younger than yours - am sure they'd like to play together!

hunkermunker · 27/05/2006 23:17

(er...and tea too - shoulder and cakes doesn't sound v appetising, sorry Smile)

jamiesam · 27/05/2006 23:27

Haven't dared click on this thread before. Am shocked at what you're going through and can't think of anything useful to say. Like others, am soooo impressed at how well you're coping, though I know that probably sounds nuts. Will be thinking of you.

Securlurking · 27/05/2006 23:56

Beans, I have been off this site for a short while, but I have been lurking. I have followed your thread and felt that I could not humanly pass you by. Therefore - despite promises to myself, here I am.

I have been through something similar to you, I have been the one who trys to be strong and keep it togther to try to do right by my family, by my child, the one who was (maybe) hurt.

I have been the one lying on the kitchen floor throwing up after the children are in bed because I couldn't hold it in any more.

Sadly I was one of the ones left wondering, no conclusion, no outcome. I now face the thought of never knowing the truth about my baby.

I just wanted to say to you that you are a wonderful amasing mother, you are doing so so well. This is amongst the hardest things you can ever be asked to face, and you are doing an amasing job. You are totally right to make the decision you have. Your child deserves to have a mother who is living not one who is waiting. My story is on here somewhere, I am sure someone will be able to find it for you if you are interested at some point, I don't know if it will be any help to you or not.

The only thing that I wanted to say to you really is that, you do get past it, you do come out the other side and you can get your life back - even with no conclusion. I know sometimes it feels like your life has stopped and normality is a thing of the past but it is not. I am blown away by your strength, I wish I could have been so strong, keep going - you are amasing.

SLurking xx

Chandra · 27/05/2006 23:57

BeansAndToast, I almost cried reading your posts, there are soo many things I could tell you but I will limit myself to the two I consider more important:

Your DS will be OK, he doesn't understand how bad things have been and he's likely not to realise about that until he becomes a teenager, by then, hopefully, he might have forgot.

You are a great mum and one of the bravest, it is so easy to hide your head in the sand but instead you have chosen the right thing to do. My infinite thanks in behalf of the rest of the parents. I wish more parents were as brave as you are, many do not seem to realise that by hiding the problem they are not really protecting their children but actually placing more children at risk.

My heartfelt hugs and lots of strenght for the days to come. Please keep posting, we really care about you and your DS.

Swipe left for the next trending thread