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Original poster

rang child protection services about ds

309 replies

beansontoast · 24/05/2006 14:46

....social worker just rang me back...thinks there are grounds to investigate further.

im in proper full on shock...not as bad as last night,but still shaking abit and i feel like its happening to someone else...a bit detached...functioning but not with it....

my ds...three this sept...was creepily sexually expilicit last night .i wont sya what he said cos im feeling cautious.

something about the context ,manner...his choice of words...his choice of verb...immediately waved a red flag for me.oh god i feel so so sick.

OP posts:
Elibean · 31/05/2006 08:15

'Morning Beans. Hope its a better one..as for your posting yesterday (not going to even use the 'r' word) it was fine - honest. I didn't feel confused by it, or judgemental, or embarrassed, or dumped on, or anything other than respect for your willingness to be spontaneous and say it like it is in the moment. Truly. And I was impressed by the swearing, sad case that I am Wink
Hope you get a bit of professional-free space today, imagine the contact with them is best done in small doses.
xxx

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 31/05/2006 08:16

God, rant away BOT, it's not childish or indulgent. You expect high standards - why shouldn't you - and at the very least you should be listened to.

Stay strong.

FioFio · 31/05/2006 08:19

This reply has been deleted

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tigermoth · 31/05/2006 08:38

only just seen this BOT- my heart goes out to you. xx

Rhubarb · 31/05/2006 13:55

Rant away, if I were in your shoes there's no way I'd be this calm, I think I'd have been arrested for gbh by now, along with dh!

Original poster
beansontoast · 31/05/2006 18:44

sheepish thanks for your sweeet and affirming posts folks xx

im signed up for a seven week investigation...with 'strat meetings' a go go.

a DS (DET SERGEANT)rang today...something has gone wrong with teh swabs...im not sure what...i thought he said they may have taken/used the wrong ones...sigh!

they havent taken the statement yet cos of the lack of evidence of the crime.

TANGENT...he said 'where is ds now?...is he at ABC''..i said are you having a laugh?..he replied 'youd be surprised!....Shock

so ..not looking like there is any firm evidence of a crime...

my ambivalence ....

on one hand ''something HAS happened...and it is now in vain...it will happen again..children remain at risk''...SadSad

on other hand ''TAHNK GOD he doesnt have firm evidence on his little body''

we are booking a holiday...at teh seaside...prob cornwall.. for as soon as! ...must contact my tour operator Wink (she knows who she is)

beans/mummytiger xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
beansontoast · 31/05/2006 18:46

rubylou...you are such a wonderful friend
ansa xx

OP posts:
Securlurking · 31/05/2006 18:57

BOT, as I said, this is how it happened with us, as time went on it became clear that nothing was going to be proven. In the end SS said that what happened next was entirly up to me. A position I would not place my worst enemy in Sad

I am glad you are able to psot here in the fullness of your feelings, it is important that you have somewhere to rant and rave just as much as you having somewhere to "chat it through".

I am unsure if my posts are any help or not - I know sometimes it helps to have people around who have some level of empathy for what you are going through - and other times you just want to be able to vent without having to think that maybe those people are thinking they coped worse/better/differently.

Anyway I hope that the next few weeks provide you with something more information/outcome than you feel you have right now. I will be thinking of you.

SL xx

Original poster
beansontoast · 31/05/2006 19:09

secur..i havent evenfifnished reading your post...god have i never said...YOUR POSTS ARE INVALUABEL...going back to read now Smile

OP posts:
nicnack2 · 31/05/2006 19:21

It maybe the first time to these social workers have had mother has referr a child. Unfortunately it is usually other agencies that note things. what a fantastic relationship you have with your child that they felt comfortable to speaking to you as so many times a child is threatened into secrecy. i appreciate that it is not what you want to hear for your child but i think you did the right thing. Sometimes social workers forget that you are living with worry and guilt that somehow you child has been at risk. I admire how you have coped with this awful situation.

Original poster
beansontoast · 31/05/2006 19:22

silver linings at last count

  1. mumsnet is THE ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS

  2. my list of things about dp that infuriate me...has turned into the things that i REALLY REALLY love him for at this time (sounds impossible eh?...wont bore you with gushy details)

  3. DS is out of harms way and destined to be COMPLETELY FINE im sure.

4)ive learnt that i although i think im a tough cookie i really appreciate being spoken to softly

  1. my first hand experience can only help me in the future at work.

OVER AND OUT XXXXXXX

...gush x

OP posts:
Securlurking · 31/05/2006 19:23
Smile

I was just concerned that I wnat to be of use not hindering to you and I know everyone is different in different situations.

Whe I called SS they were shocked too, they thought it slightly odd that I had called (espec considering who was implicated) but they did get past that in the end and realise that I was just doing what I thought was right.

Sadly though I don't think they ever got over being a bit pompous. Although they were very very nice they jsut seem to have this tone they use which sets my teeth on edge!

I can relate to wanting to scream at them at intervals - I didn't but only because they were the only support I had - if I lost them I would have had nothing which I found too scary a prospect.

THe only "gem" (lol) I can give you here is that they will have received far far worse than you could possibly throw at them so don't get too hung up on feeling guilty, they know you are human too and that you need to vent, of course you are going to get frustrated - they are trained to deal with this (Grin probably in the same slightly patronising way as everything else Wink)

Please ask if there is anything at all that I can do/say that will be of any help.

SL xx

Securlurking · 31/05/2006 19:25

ooh, lovely gushy post - I have goosebumps Smile I have not yet managed to find a situation without a "good side" however slim it is. Good luck xx

vitomum · 31/05/2006 19:34

BOT, glad that you have a healthy cynisism about SS - that's a good thing (speaking as an ex Social worker - although was never in the child protection field)! You seem more positive which i am sure must be a by product of ranting - so go for it as and when required.

fattiemumma · 31/05/2006 19:40

BOT i cant beleive that they have made a bals up of his swabs!

i completly understand how confused your feelings about this must be at the moment. are they going to make further investigations into the place you believe it happened?

i would be tempted to stand outside with a poster saying my child was abused here! anything to stop this happening to any othe children.

you have done a wonderfull job thus far in dealing with what must have to be the very worst situation any parent can face. and im sure that your continued love and support will allow your LO to grow up not even remembering this part of his life as anythig but a happy and loving time with his mum.

have a nice time in cornwall.

fattiemumma · 31/05/2006 19:42

oh and like vitomum says, i was also a SW though again not within the CPT and we also think that those who do that job are so hardened by what they see that they just behave a little like robots sometimes so your completly within your right to be a bit hacked off with them. its time slike this when you need a hell of a lot of support.....they just arent trained for that i dont think!

Elibean · 31/05/2006 20:01

Shock messed up the swabs?? Grrrr.

Re the linings: I rather like being a teeny part of Absolute Bollocks, thanks for that Grin

Re Cornwall, good for you - hope you get mega sunshine and have a great time. xxx

grannygoose · 31/05/2006 21:45

Hi BOT - others are right in saying that the most important thing is to continue to believe - without reserve - in what your little fella has told you. No matter what - you are the person best placed to know instinctively that something wasnt right. You should be so proud that you have given your ds a voice since he cannot speak for himself.

I wish more woman would trust their instincts when it came to their babies...We are sometimes so meek when faced with so-called professionals who tell us we are over-reacting etc etc. We have all had it whether it be from MW's, HV's GP's, Consultants or in your case SS. Wouldnt it be grand if their standards were as high as yours.

I hope you get your holiday sorted...and keep posting.

love and hugs GG

frumpygrumpy · 31/05/2006 23:26

I'm still following this too BOT. Just sending my continued love to you all. You did the right thing, remember that.

Beetle73 · 31/05/2006 23:49

Just seen this BOT. Thinking of your lovely DS and your family. So sorry you're going through this. Well done for doing so well so far.

rubyloo · 01/06/2006 01:59

ansa, ansa, ansa !!
dn't check the time on this post... Im slaving over a piece of work. Before I go to bed though, just to say Im so glad you let me know about this.. I feel so grateful to have followed this journey and witnessed the support others have posted here for you. Of course I wish it never happened but in the circumstances Im touched for you that so many have cared so much.. Thats all a bit mixed up.. hope you get wot i mean. Take care Beans and get that holiday booked sharpish xxx..
ps im sure i could say a few things about hardened CP social workers..

grannygoose · 01/06/2006 21:25

Hi BOT - hope you are okay today. Have you booked that holiday yet? Have a nice weekend if I dont catch up with you tomorrow.

love gg

amber5 · 02/06/2006 08:10

i've been following your thread BoT and just wanted to add my best wishes to you and all your family. i've been thinking about you lots and feel sure you are doing well. i've no experience of this type of thing - but with regard to a childs long term memory i can only think of this example; my dh's mum died when he was 2y1m- he has absolutely no memory of her at all, even though he would quite like to have.
{{{hugs}}}

Greyhound · 03/06/2006 01:11

I only lurk really, but my heart goes out to you and your family... :( xxxx

Elibean · 03/06/2006 14:14

Hey Beans, hope you and your family are getting some R&R in the sun today. Have you booked your holiday yet?