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Original poster

Why do people not believe I'm happy with boys?

50 replies

chickling · 05/04/2013 13:53

Has anyone else experienced this? I am a very proud and happy mum to DS1 (3) and DS2 (4months). Lots of people said "oh, you'll go again for your girl" when ds2 was born-even the midwives! When I was 6 months preg, v close friend asked if we knew what we were having. I said yes and that we were very happy. Friend said " you must be having a girl then because everyone wants one of each and why would you be happy with another boy." maybe it's because I had 2 mc before ds1, also I'm 36 now and don't want to push my luck having another one. If I did get pregnant again however, it would be to have a third baby- not necessarily a girl. How awful for families with 3 or 4 or more of one gender where parents are disappointed. Rant over. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this kind of attitude/ comment. I'm not trying to convince myself btw! Just after ds2 was born I had lovely warm feeling of pure happiness wash over me. I truly appreciate how lucky I am.

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MyNameIsLola · 05/04/2013 18:14

It's incredibly rude.

I'm pregnant with DS4 -no girls- and I've had lots of sympathy that I'm still not getting a daughter

Honestly, this baby was a complete surprise and the relief that he's a DS was unbelievable because we can't afford to move house again

Above all, I'm just happy with healthy children but if I have to tell one more person that I'm having an individual, a baby, not a set of sodding genitals, I may end up hitting them with something hard. [hormonal]

wigglesrock · 05/04/2013 19:10

I have 3 girls and apparently my poor husband will never get to play football with his kids - you know cos girls can't kick I was commiserated with by at least 4 parents at the school gates after the birth of dd3.

blueshoes · 05/04/2013 19:55

startail: "The mixed sex siblings I know do their best to ignore each other."

Not really. My dd and ds get on like a house on fire.

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thegreylady · 05/04/2013 20:36

My dd has two amazing boys now aged 6 and 4. The whole family think she is so lucky to have two happy healthy little boys who are filled with fun and so loving.They are bright and articulate love drawing and football,cycling and singing. She says she wouldn't know what to do with a girl :) Her dh is one of two boys as is his father so they were prepared anyway.

Startail · 06/04/2013 02:05

blueshoes I'm glad some do, the mixed sex twins in my registration class spent 5 years sitting on oppersite sides of the room totally ignoring each other and DDs friend doesn't appear very keen on her big brother.

To be fair I think my cousins rub along a bit better

Beatrixpotty · 06/04/2013 22:04

I've got 3 boys.My youngest is 3 weeks old and already people have asked if I'm going for a 4th to get a girl!(I'm not)!It is a common question that anyone seems to feel they can ask,often quite random people in shops & markets.It doesn't bother me.In all honesty my ideal would have been to have at least one girl just to have greater diversity in the family but I realise you don't get to choose anyway.I'm so grateful to have any,never mind 3 healthy,children ,that I would never complain about the sex.

GettingGoing · 06/04/2013 22:09

Don't get me going on this one! I was so delighted with our third [same sex as the others] baby - but the comments were so irritating. Even the locum doctor said 'you'll have to blame your husband' as I presented our perfect, healthy, third child that I'd had at 41. What made it particularly sad was that most comments were said in front of the children.

NotSpartacus · 06/04/2013 22:10

I get the same and I have two girls.
Lots of people asked whether we would go for a boy.
A cheeky woman working in the post office said "oh, never mind" when she learned I had two girls.
When I say we might want a third people ask if it is because I want a son. Silly fools.

GettingGoing · 06/04/2013 22:11

'The mixed sex siblings I know do their best to ignore each other' probably true - our 3 have spent the whole afternoon gooning around with each other. Not sure g/b trio would work like that.

LinusVanPelt · 06/04/2013 22:48

Of course mixed sex siblings can get on as well with each other as same-sex siblings .

To assume they wouldn't is no less ridiculous than assuming that wigglesrock 's dh can't kick a ball around with his daughters, or that OP is missing out on some particular aspect of the mother / child relationship because she doesn't have any girls.

It's a bit bizarre that someone would be offended by the suggestion that being of the same sex would make the parent / child relationship a closer one, and yet be happy to suggest that being of the same sex is likely to make siblings closer.

Isn't that working from the same set of assumptions about how important sex is, in determining who children are as individuals and what their family relationships must be like?

harryhausen · 07/04/2013 09:34

I agree Linus.

I have a dd and a ds. Ds was a huge surprise as he was the first boy born in our family for over 35 yrs
My children play together brilliantly thanks.

My Dsis has had this all her life - she has 3 dd's and I think now the youngest is 12, people have finally begun to accept she's not having any more to get 'the boy'.

I don't think there's a 'holy grail' idea surrounding girls at all.

What I don't like is when people, especially parents of all boys, say things like "oh I'd have hated having girls as I like fun adventure outdoor games, playing Lego etc and don't like pink or dressing up like a princess etc".

I like them to visit my 8 year old dd who's into werewolves, rock climbing, PGL holidays and doesn't own a scrap of pink in her wardrobe! I hate it when it's infered that she's somehow less 'fun' because she's a girl

Children are ^people^ not colours.

OP, it must be pretty infuriating to be told you should really want a girl. People are crazy. Ignore ignore ignore.

LinusVanPelt · 07/04/2013 20:14

yy harryhausen, the way these threads often go from "girls aren't the holy grail" straight into "girls are no more than pretty princesses, boys are much more fun (and love their mums )" drives me batty.

Children are wonderful. And they're all different. And anyone who would imply to a parent that they've got a lesser variety or a lesser combination is just a fool who is best ignored.

lljkk · 07/04/2013 20:18

Dd helped put my earrings in a few times recently.
I was just so happy to have a girl in the house.

Fuzzymum1 · 07/04/2013 22:18

My DH is a 3rd son who grew up knowing full well he was a 'by-product' of his father's desire for a daughter. FIL made it perfectly clear he'd wanted two children - one of each and the second son was bad luck, the third son was a real inconvenience. Their 4th child was a daughter who could do no wrong. DH has real self-confidence issues form growing up not being what he dad wanted him to be.

We have three boys and couldn't be happier. I was hoping DS3 was a girl but as soon as I knew he was a boy my reaction was "Thank goodness for that" so I think my desire for a girl was based on what I thought I should want rather than any deep-seated desire.

I love being a mum to three boys and make sure they know that. DS3 loves the fact that he is the third son of a third son :D

2BoysAndNoMore · 08/04/2013 19:58

I have two boys. Genuinely never really saw myself with a girl to be honest. Even as a child all my dolls were little boy babies. I don't think I'd have been disappointed if DS2 had have been a girl because I really do believe any healthy child is a blessing but I must admit when we found out he was a boy there was a slight feeling of relief like it just seemed to feel 'right' but maybe if we'd have been told we were having a girl we may have had the same feeling so not sure. .

I remember telling my work when we had our scan and told them it was a boy and got lots of sympathetic 'Ohhh nooo, are you disappointed??' I was a bit narked actually. Thought it was just rude and a ridiculous thing to say. I made a big point to roll my eyes and make them feel stupid for even asking that.

I am VERY glad to have my 2 boys and will definitely not be having anymore for any reason but especially not to 'get a girl'

MERLYPUSS · 08/04/2013 22:17

I have non-id twin boys. I was even told 'It wouldn't have been so bad if they were ID!'

Original poster

chickling · 11/04/2013 18:45

Glad I'm not the only one experiencing this then, but none of us should be. All children are lovely blessings.

OP posts:

applepieinthesky · 13/04/2013 22:20

I have one DS and I have always wanted a son so I was over the moon when I found out he was a boy. But if and when we are lucky enough to have DC2 I genuinely don't care if it's a boy or girl. DS is only five months and other people are already commenting on how nice it would be "to have one of each" If it's another boy we won't be having DC3 just to complete the set. What an absurd idea.

redwellybluewelly · 13/04/2013 22:33

We know what we are having (7weeks and a few days dc2 will arrive via CS) and heaven help the first person who makes a crass comment of any sort about their gender. I just hope they are healthy (dc1 wasn't) and that they arrive safely.

Mayb I need to start practicing some retorts...

EssexGurl · 15/04/2013 16:08

I was in shock when I found out DD was a girl. I had very similar pregnancy to DS and in my heart "knew" that this was another boy. Had names chosen and everything. When the midwife said it was a girl at the scan I didn't believe it. Spent the next week constantly asking DH if I had heard right. At 8 months I burst into tears in the supermarket when there was a lady with 3 boys with her (all wonderfully behaved and definitely all brothers) and I knew I wouldn't have all boys myself.

I love my DD, she is totally wonderful, but now and then I still have a little pang that she wasn't a boy.

katykuns · 15/04/2013 16:37

I have had this experience, and only have 2 girls. I do want another baby, not looking forward to people deciding my happiness based on what is between my baby's legs. They are all little people with personalities... gender plays such a small role. It's only society that insists on imposing these differences. A girl can't play football and a boy can't do ballet? Just stupid!

From a shallow point of view it would be nice to have a boy, but then I also think about having 3 girls and that makes me just as excited _

2monkeybums · 16/04/2013 08:38

My DM sounded disappointed when I phoned her after my 20 wk scan to tell her Ds2 was a boy. I also get lots of "are you going to try for a girl" comments. I could not have been more thrilled with my boys. Having two boys is wonderful and I feel like I have the DCs I was meant to have.

LittleMonster100 · 16/04/2013 14:19

I don't understand the "one of each" holy grail. You should have children one order to have a family and give them life...not because they're toys to be dressed up or because "the mum has the girl and the dad has the boy".

I have both a brother and sister and can say I'm close to either.

It's pot luck if your children get on with their siblings when they're adults, that's personality that dictates that not gender, and when they're little I imagine their sex makes no difference. Also, they will make friends of the same and/or different sex at school and work etc when they're older.

Sibling gender is irrelevant in my opinion.

Beksybob · 16/04/2013 14:50

I know a bloke who is openly dissapointed that his girlfriend is pregnant with DD2. He actually said 'you can't put a football in front of a girl'. We had quite a falling out over it. He's a dick.

MMolly · 25/04/2013 19:12

I have dt boys and am soon having another set, but I always wanted boys and to me this is a dream come true. A girl would be nice but I don't really mind and despite what people say it doesn't matter-they're all your children. I remember some of my friends were from all boy families and their mums always doted on me because i was a girl. I always found that annoying and i am fine with boys, whatever people say.

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