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Parenting

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Original poster

I find myself not wanting a nanny/creche/childminder - am I being silly?

15 replies

Booboostoo · 19/10/2011 08:02

DD is 19 weeks old (first child) and during the pregnancy DP and I assumed we would need some kind of help with her but weren't sure what would be suitable, nanny, creche, childminder? However, now that it's come to it I don't want any option but would rather look after her myself.

Financially we would probably be better off as we would lose my income (small) but not have the cost of child care (huge). However DP thinks I am wrong and should get help. DP thinks I will get fed up and I should get help now. Is he right? Will I get fed up looking after her? I don't have any problems giving her to family and friends to look after for short periods so I am not being hysterical about it, just think I might enjoy looking after her.

I had nannies when I was young and still remember them fondly, so I don't have any idealogical problem with the idea of childcare!

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Octaviapink · 19/10/2011 08:13

If you're happy now then you'll quite probably continue to be happy. If she's only 19 weeks then you don't have to make your mind up about going back to work for some time yet, so why not give it till 9 months and see how you feel?

Northernlurker · 19/10/2011 08:16

I agree it's too soon to make firm decisions. You have time and you have choices so carry on enjoying your baby and see how the next few months go.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 19/10/2011 10:25

I work from home and I managing to get some work done although it depends. Some days she is happier and will play a bit with her toys and sleep in the afternoon so I get a bit done, other days she wants to eat and fuss all day long so I give up!

I had a fairly unpleasant pregnancy (nothing serious just 24/7 nausea and fatigue) so I am very late with my deadlines anyway (writing a book) so I have given up on doing things on time as I used to before the pregnancy/baby. When this book is in I won't take any more commitments for a while.

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An0therName · 19/10/2011 11:26

as babies get older they can get more demanding, my friends and I found that we were ready to leave our babies at between 9 months and 1 year -not that we weren't still enjoying it but we were ready to do a bit more
if you are working from home you might need only need small amounts of childcare - say a few mornings? why don't you visit some and see what you think - childminders in particular might be cheaper and more flexiable than you think

Original poster

Booboostoo · 19/10/2011 15:52

We went as far as meeting with a local lady who could come to us for a few hours each day, very flexible, very lovely....nope, couldn't do it! I keep thinking how much she has already changed and I don't want to miss a minute of it.

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margerykemp · 19/10/2011 15:56

It will get much harder before it gets easier. Hold off for a while but dont assume you wont want childcare in a few weeks months.

Personally by 18 months I think most DCs benefit from the socialisation aspect of childcare.

TryLikingClarity · 19/10/2011 16:46

I felt like this!

All during pregnancy I assumed we'd put DS into chilcare, but he's 20 months old now and I'm a stay at home mum.

He's been looked after a few hours a month by my mum or MIL, but quite infrequently.

Didn't fancy shelling out more for childcare costs than I'd actually be earning, so just decided to stay home.

I do agree with others that it can be hard and that kids benefit from meeting other ppl.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 19/10/2011 20:51

I take the point about socialisation, she will need to meet and play with other children, I'll try not to make her too weird!!!

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noblegiraffe · 19/10/2011 20:58

At about the stage you're at I was the same. By 10 months I was stir crazy and ready to go back to work, although only part-time. So don't make any decisions just yet!

LingDiLong · 19/10/2011 21:48

Blimey, what a strange concept, the idea that childcare is sort of inevitable. Or that childcare is the only way to socialise your child .

I am a SAHM and have been for the last 5 years. I am yet to feel the need to find childcare and the kids have socialised loads - at mother and baby groups, library rhyme times, parks, with friends kids and cousins. I know plenty of other people who feel the same too.

If your feelings change look for help then. I think the idea of finding some kind of childcare NOW when you neither want or need it is really odd personally!!

Ozziegirly · 20/10/2011 05:06

I thought I would have childcare with my DS too, but now I have him I actually really enjoy being with him. He socialises loads as we go out every day and meet friends, but I don't see why you need to leave him if you don't have to. In the past I'm pretty sure nearly all children were brought up by their mum, isn't childcare a pretty new thing?

I must say, I kind of assumed that people only use childcare because they have to go to work, not just for the sake of someone else looking after their child.

Ozziegirly · 20/10/2011 05:09

Oh, and I actually find DS at 1 much easier than at 4 months when he was frustrated about not being able to get around. It's more fun and relaxed now that he can eat anything, can run around in the park, go swimming, explore and is much happier and more able to entertain himself.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 20/10/2011 08:03

Thank you all, it's very encouraging to hear that it does work for some families. I am only wondering because DP is so adamant that I am making a mistake not getting more help.

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NoTeaForMe · 20/10/2011 09:11

My daughter is one and has never spent any time in childcare. We socialise with other children or/and adults every day. I agree that she needs to learn to socialise but why can't I do that as a SAHM?!

I'm absolutely loving being at home with her, every day is different and it's been amazing watching her grow. Dong get me wrong it hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't have changed it or that world and I know I would have massively hated and regretted going back to work.

Just take each day as it comes, saying no to childcare now doesn't mean you can never use it!! You might find you need or want to use it in a few months and you might not. Each stage is different!

Hope that helps!

Tarenath · 20/10/2011 20:28

When I was pg with ds I assumed I would be returning to work too. When he actually arrived my feelings began to change. He's 4.5 years old now and has never been cared for outside of the family.
We went to toddler groups, playgroups, soft play, playgrounds etc and now he's older he does extra currucular activities too. He gets plenty of socialisation and education and has no problems interacting with other children or adults.

I didn't think of it at the time but I feel that by having and using the option of keeping him home it has made him more independent and social in the long run because he's been able to separate from me on his own terms. Obviously not everyone has the option of being a SAHP and plenty of children thrive in nurseries and with childminders but in hindsight I don't feel either environment would have suited ds and I'm glad I made the decision to give up work.

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