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Parenting

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Original poster

9 yo DS just called me a d*ck***d - angry and upset, shall I cancel day out?

23 replies

carocaro · 31/05/2011 11:09

Just because I have been asking him to get dressed and get socks on, he said it then 4yo DS2 said it and they collapsed into laughter.

We are supposed to be going to (my Mum's) Grandma's house for a day out or it's stuck in the house all day sticking to my guns, which will be hideous.

He is getting very cheeky for want of a better word of late. Am seething in the office now, help!

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bisybackson · 31/05/2011 11:12

I have to say that I wouldn't be taking him anywhere until he had apologised and promised not to say that again. I wouldn't expect hime to keep his promise (but that may just be my DS) but if he did use it again, the punishment would be substantial!

It might be hideous but you have to nip this in the bud.

nometime · 31/05/2011 11:14

I am sorry but I think that this is completely unacceptable and you do need to stick to your guns on this one. Explain clearly and calmly why you are not going to Grandma's house and then just get on with what you have to do. Don't keep harking on about it, it's done and dealt with, but he will think twice before pushing the boundaries next time.

Good luck - feel for you with this one but we have all been there and all felt better when we've stuck with it and cross with ourselves when we have given in.

Snuppeline · 31/05/2011 11:18

I wouldn't be taking him anywhere if I were you. Not even if he apologised. I think this sort of language/disrespect needs to be nipped in the bud too and not doing what was planned seem the best way to show how unacceptable this is. I would reschedule the event either. Just stay strong and be firm and you might never hear this sort of language ever again. He needs to respect you.

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Snuppeline · 31/05/2011 11:19

that should have been -wouldn't reschedule-. Actually, thinking about it I would also be telling GP that you are not coming because of the language used. Don't make up an excuse, say it like it is (but don't make a sing and a dance about it).

wudu · 31/05/2011 11:22

I would definitely be cancelling all treats, no question. He's lucky you're not washing his mouth out with soap!

And I think the finding it hilarious bit would bother me more than the actual swearing tbh.

Completely unacceptable behavior.

chocolateshoes · 31/05/2011 11:24

agree with the above. No day out. No treats. Will be hard for you but as has been said it needs nipping in the bud. Good luck

orangehead · 31/05/2011 11:26

Agree cancel arrangements. Needs to be nipped in the bud and taught that it is not acceptable. It would also set example for 4 yr old that this is not acceptable

Original poster

carocaro · 31/05/2011 11:26

He's just written me a sorry note of his own accord and we've talked about how out of the question it is and one more like that and all stuff is off. I have confiscated his fave Star Wars toys for a week. He is definately very sorry, tears etc. And I can't bear a day stuck in the house either!

OP posts:

cheekychickenknickers · 31/05/2011 11:28

I would go to Grandma's having phoned first to say that DS1 was in bother and we were only coming for the sake of ds2

When there I would make sure that DS1 had options of reading a book or some such activity but no big fun.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 31/05/2011 11:29

Christ, he only called you a dickhead not a cunting motherfucker, he probably says it all the time with friends, react massively and it just becomes a great way to wind you up.

Explain calmly that it's not a good way to talk, ask him to apologize and go about your day.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 31/05/2011 11:31

X- posts, the sorry note written by himself sounds very good.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 11:34

I would ask him to apologise and then go to grandmas

Its not that big a deal

Rosebud05 · 31/05/2011 11:34

He's written a note is upset and understands that you're upset.

go out and have a good day.

Rosebud05 · 31/05/2011 11:37

I'd also have a quiet word later on about why it upsets people to be called names, maybe that there are times when it's okay ie amongst his friends if no-one minds but it's not okay if someone ie you don't like it.

My kids are younger but when the time comes for one of them to call me dickhead or whatever, I think my line will be if you must swear don't do it in front of me and please do it in the abstract ie not at someone.

GrownUpNow · 31/05/2011 11:39

I wouldn't punish the whole family by cancelling a day out, I'd punish the child by confiscating something the value maybe, then having a talk with them about unacceptable behaviour and giving the a severe warning about what might happen next time they do it.

My five year old has been swearing, picked up at school and through a friend, and I generally confiscate television, dvds and his DS.

nometime · 31/05/2011 11:41

Sorry but at the age of 9 it is not acceptable to be swearing at adults OR amongst friends. 9 year olds should not be using language like that.

I am sure that I am about to get a pasting for that view but hey ho.....

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 11:43

How will you stop them swearing amongst friends?

NeverendingStoryteller · 31/05/2011 12:44

Do you have a partner who can have a serious 'grown-up' discussion with him about having respect for his mother? I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but sometimes a man-to-man talk helps to create clear boundaries for boys.

SomekindofSpanish · 31/05/2011 12:55

Can you confiscate something else? Do you have a games console that he cannot play on?

I have a 9 year old DS and I know what they can be like. When we have cancelled trips out because of his behaviour, it was worse as he was bouncing off the walls, winding us up. And his younger brothers.

I agree with others that you should keep you day out, but he needs to maybe lose other privileges.

Have to disagree with nometime - of course 9 year olds should not swear, but they will and do. It's how a parent deals with it when they hear it that counts.

nometime · 31/05/2011 18:45

I stand by what I said and they won't /don't all do it, and no I am not some misguided idiot living in lala land and there are not times when it is OK for a 9 year old to swear.

As you might have guessed this is something that gets me really hot under the collar, this and the attitude of "well you can't stop is because they all do it!" Aaaaggggghhhhhh.

SomekindofSpanish · 31/05/2011 19:21

Erm, no one hinted at you being a 'misguided idiot living in lala land'. I also did not say all 9 year olds do it or that it should not be stopped .

The OP is trying to handle a situation which a number of parents face. I don't think it's 'no biggie' but as long as the parent deals with it in the way they see fit, then no need to overly stress about it.

nometime · 31/05/2011 19:46

Sorry SKOS was referring to Rosebud's post earlier - "maybe that there are times when it's okay ie amongst his friends if no-one minds but it's not okay if someone ie you don't like it"

Rosebud05 · 31/05/2011 22:36

I'd say that we had different views on this issue nometime .

TBH, I'd rather my kids swore in the abstract than used the term 'idiot' as one of abuse.

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