Has anyone moved to a new area with children and successfully used the NCT to make new parent-friends?

[beatie]

I really don't want to start n NCT debate at all here.

I moved 3 months ago and I have a nearly 3 year old and a 6 week old baby. Now that dd1 is in Pre-school I feel like the opportunity to meet new friends is limited until dd2 becomes a toddler. On dd1's none-Preshool day there is a group I am thinking of going to which is run by the NCT for babies and older children. For some reason I am nervous about going.

I've had my nose put out of joint by the NCT before. In my previous area I made good friends through the NCT through antenatal classes and then Bumps and Babies. I cannot fault it for that. But, when all my mummy friends went back to work and I didn't, I tried to integrate into a toddler NCT group and found it difficult because I had not been part of the group since the chidlren were babies. It felt like it was a group just for the toddlers of a Bumps and Babies group 6 months older than mine. Very cliquey. i offered to help out at a Nearly New Sale and never got a phonecall about it.

So, if I take my pre-schooler and new baby along to the NCT group in this new area, have I a hope of getting a look in with the mums of other Pre-schoolers? Just curious to hear positive experiences since the NCT sell this idea of meeting new people quite loudly on all their literature.

I haven't personally, but have made a good friend through the NCT who has done this!

Yes, in fact I kept my membership for another year purely for this reason!

I understand the cliquey thing, I think you can get that in all groups. IME you have to keep going to the groups and making an effort, though I was made very welcome in the first few weeks, it took me about 5 months before I felt totally comfortable with going. And even now I have days where the session just doesn't 'feel' right. Perhaps after a few weeks you could arrange a play date with some other pre-schooler mums, particulary if they also have a smaller baby as well? Also offer to help again with anything that's going, NCT sales, going on the coffee rota etc. Let's face it you have nothing to lose by trying it a few times.

The other thing is to make contact with your new area secretary which you can find here .

I had difficulty with NCT when I moved to this area. I moved here when DS was 3 months old and found that the group had already bonded, some of them had also known each other from Antenatal classes. I think you have to be in it from the begining.

I made lots of friends via NCT when we moved here with 9mth old dd2. I think NCT groups fall into two categories. One is a group who've been through antenatal classes etc together while the other is a more general group for all comers. With the former, I can understand that if a group of mums have been together through pg, birth etc it can be hard for a newcomer to break into. The latter groups are sometimes held in a church hall or similar. Oh, and I forgot, there are newcomers coffees mornings in this area so you can get to know folks. My advice would be to try them out. You may find yourself with a great bunch of new friends but if you don't - well, you've not really lost anything.

Personally I think it is very difficult to join an established NCT tea group that has been meeting up since their lo's were babies. A few people did attempt to join our Jan - July 2002 (birth date of child) tea group with their older children after we had been meeting up for a year or so, and they didn't make a repeat visit.

I don't think we were actively antisocial and certainly tried to be inclusive, but the mum's obviously perceived us as a bit cliquey (we were in reality just 'established' and 'settled')

Our local NCT group (Romsey) has an e-group. See if yours has and get included in their messages. We get messages posted about Mum's pub nights which are cross tea group, and genuinely are very inclusive and a good way 'in'.

Failing that, contact the Chair of your local NCT and offer to be a committee member. It's only a little bit of work, but you'll meet the other committee members (8 - 12 people) and will start expanding your social network that way. The Chair will probably be wildly enthusiastic if you volunteer for the committee - they are always short of more proactive members.

Our NCT committee members don't possess a birkenstock sandal between them, and are fond of a drink or too (i.e. quite normal)

Thanks for the advice everyone. This particular group is in a church hall so it may include more 'allcomers'.

I too can understand how the eraly-formed groups can be perceievd as cliquey. I think my particular ante-natal group were very welcoming to newcomers but we may have been perceived differently.

I'd like to get involved with the committee. I hope my offer will be taken up graciously.

Given that your baby is 6-months-old, I think you should be fine. I think it would be harder if your little one were 1 or 2, but then you'd be able to make friends at toddler groups.

Our local NCT is very friendly, in my experience. I only started going when DS1 was 6 weeks or so.

Beatie, if they don't want you on their committee, please come and join ours!!