pls help my first child not sure what to do about routne or sleep ?

[chuckyandbenjamin]

my son is 4 weeks old ive been told many things about routines r just letting your baby do as it pleases but my son will sleep all day and not at nite even if i do the bedtime routine.
ive also been told dont wake a sleeping baby? i will do what is best for my son but it would be so nice for me and my fiance to have a bit of time together in the evenings sometimes instead of me in the bedroom trying to settle our son all nite pls some advise would be so nice

Your son is 4 weeks old - he won't have a routine yet, not until 9-11 weeks at the earliest I would say.

Its very very hard having a young baby to look after. Try to sleep when they sleep in the day if you can, even if its just a nap.
I don't want to upset you, but don't expect to find any time for you and your fiancee for a few weeks to come yet. until they find their routine its impossible to find any together time.

The early days are all a bit of a haze, but they do settle down after a couple of months, and become more predictable.

Try to enjoy him and good luck

Hi chuckyandbenjamin - wow, I certainly remember the first 4 weeks as a new mum (my DD is now 2), and it takes some getting used to!

Ultimately your son is still very young and whilst it's hard to get your head around the lack of time with your partner and sleep, time will help you regain some form of routine and once you've cracked it, you will feel like you've conquered the world!

In the meantime, persevere with the routine as it will settle him and why not ask your fiance to do some shifts with him between feeds? A little time to yourself will also help maintain your sanity!

Really common for babies to have day and night mixed up!

I think what helped with my son was not letting him go more than 3 hours between feeds in the daytime, so I'd wake him for feeds. I also put him down to nap in his moses basket in the living room in the day time so it was bright and noisy around him. At night time it was dark and calm in the bedroom.

Try and take him out for a walk every day as well as the sunlight will help to set his body clock.

My son was doing this for the first 5 weeks or so. We were joking that he is on Australian time. He then switched around himself and started sleeping more at nighttime than daytime.

My son "got" day and night at about this age so yours may soon too. For now I wouldn't bother trying a routine - it'll just get you more stressed. Keep him with you in a Moses basket in the living room in the evenings rather than spending all night trying to get him to go to bed - I think it's too soon to have a proper bedtime. He will work it out eventually - my DS is now 12 weeks and goes to sleep naturally around 9pm - he started sleeping from midnight-7am a few weeks ago and gradually fell asleep earlier over time. Just try to enjoy him without worrying about routines - it will all come together and you will eventually get your evenings back, you just have to ride it out for now.

thankyou guys there just so many thing on telly in books and people who sometimes make you feel like your not doing it right, i try to think he only been here for 4 weeks and i find it difficult to be away from him i like to hold him and comfort him. x

The whole routine versus baby led thing starts with you. Do you like routine and organisation or do you prefer going with the flow and have a more relaxed attitude. I am a total organisation/routine/consistency person I just find it very hard to function with out it so it was routine all the way for me. That said there is nothing you can do until they are at least 6 weeks old. So just dont worry about it. Do whatever is easiest for you and get as much rest as you can while he sleeps. You can start with easing gently into a routine from 6weeks with an aim to have him worted for 12-16weeks.
Best of luck and congrats on your lovely baby! Enjoy the next two weeks tho cause the newborn stage goes way too fast!

Aw Chucky, enjoy those cuddles! My DS is now 14 weeks old and for the past couple of weeks we've suddenly got our bedtime routine for him sorted (for now - sure he will change the rules again sometime soon!) - he now goes down between 7 and 8pm, has a dream feed about 11 and sleeps until 6ish...while it's lovely to have my evenings back to eat, have a bath, remind myself what DH looks like etc, at the same time I miss my tiny wee newborn who wanted snuggled all evening!! Hang in there and good luck!