Am I crap at this SAHM thing or is it just that I have too many children?

[sethstarkaddersmum]

I have dcs aged 1, 3 and 5, a cleaner for 2 hours a week, and a dh who is competent at domestic stuff if a bit hopeless at child-wrangling. Sometimes I feel like he does everything around here despite him being the one with a job.
Why is my house a mess? Why don't I get anything done? Why does my dd's best friend's mum managed to fit so much more in than me despite being disabled and having to rest several hours a day?
Why can't I manage unless dcs watch hours of CBeebies every day?

er... mumsnet..?

A tidy house is the sign of a dull mind. Chill a bit, lady!

I don't get an awful lot done and I only have DD2 at home in the day when she's not at nursery. Having 2 or 3 here in the day I would get even less done.

Mine were all 3 of them born in 3 years. The youngest has severe disabilities.

I very quickly lowered my standards!

FGS, when they are all gone to school you will have hours to tidy if that's what you want to do! I too have a cleaner (who is absolutely lovely) but a very untidy messy house for the rest of the week.

Also, take them out - then they're not in your house tipping out the toyboxes for as long!

Make a list of jobs that need doing...starting with the most important. Work your way through it ticking off things as you've done them.
I do sympathise, I feel the same way.

thanks everyone.
I do get more done than I did on maternity leave with dd, despite only having one baby then, but I'm still constantly firefighting.

Adair - Mumsnet may be a factor....

Do you have too much "stuff"

Have a serious declutter and get some decent storage especially using room height so they can't get everything out whilst your back is turned. Could make a huge difference?

forget the house and take them all out to park or toddler group. you can be a good parent without having a clean tidy house. I am good (I think) at hanging out with my dc, but will never win cleaning prizes.

but if you are out more it takes longer for them to trash the house, and they watch less tv. and you don't get to look at the mess all day.

right, I need to go out more. Consistent theme.
I am currently avoiding it a bit as ds2 is going through a growth spurt and eating and hence pooing for England (4 so far today) and ds1 is having the terrible twos late (he's nearly 4). But I need to make the effort.

We do have too much stuff - too many clothes for the drawers, too many books for the shelves, too much food for the cupboards so it spills over onto the flipping ironing board fgs!
we are slowly chucking out stuff as ds2 outgrows it but it seems to flow into the house faster than we can get rid of it. Seriously, I am dreading ds1's birthday because he will get given a whole bunch more toys!

actually, thinking about this 'too much stuff' theme: we spent a term living in a rented flat when dh was on sabbatical when dd was 3 and ds1 was the same age as ds2 is now, and it was easy and I kept the flat spotless. We had no clutter, just a carful of stuff for everyone, and I went out to the play area every day

There is scientific evidencer that proves too many toys = children can't cope and don't play with anything.

Ebay here you come.............get rid!

Yep, get out of there.

And three year olds are absolutely awful, IMO. Both of mine were quite appalling at that age. Take him somewhere where he can run around and bother other people let off a bit of steam.

Yup, everything needs a place. Then it is easy to clear up. Have the Ikea Trofast system thing is truly fabulous for the kids room - each tray is for something (blocks, lego, things that go, fuzzy felt etc - plus one for random toys that don't go anywhere else. If it doesn't have a place, you need to find one or get rid. I have a bin-bag under the stairs for 'charity shop/need to get rid of on freecycle when I get round to it'.

And in all honesty, I find if I get off MN, I get a lot more done.

I have 3 Dcs aswell (2 are at school). I am currently sitting here on MN and the house is a tip (as usual). I am crap but mostly don't care. When the DCs are grown and gone, we can have a tidy house. Leaves to have a good cry at that thought.

oh god yes, 3yos (shudders).

My top tip for 3yos is probably not appropriate on a SAHM thread though as that's when I gave up the attempt at even having one day a week off work with dd3 and bunged her into extra nursery and skipped off back to full time work.

and now dd3 is a charming 6yo I work less again (and so have time to do cleaning while they're at work. And do I? ahem. absolutely not. it's nothing to do with too many children around the house, for some of us, we'll do anything rather than clean).

Fennel Thats me!!! I would rather do anything than clean. My house isn't a tip because I've got 3, it wasn't much better when I had 1. Lifes too short and all that.

Seth - I feel your pain. Similar aged DCs and too much stuff. Doesn't help that all five of us are squeezed into a not-enormous two-bedroom flat.

I desperately want to get a cleaner. DH and I have been discussing it for months, and he has consistently said "go for it". Was about to bite the bullet on Friday and arrange for two hours of cleaning, but phoned DH to give me final "clearance" and he suddenly got cold feet and was all "ooh £20 a week is probably too much yada yada". Grrr.

Actually, it's quite reassuring to hear that two hours of cleaning a week wouldn't necessarily be the miracle cure I was dreaming of

I think I'm going to have a HUGE toys / belongings / clothes cull too. Whenever we rent a holiday cottage (with v little stuff) we seem to cope fine.

suspects Fennel has it really. I am not too good at cleaning and hate doing it really (and at 6/7mths preg finding picking stuff up off the floor really hard).

Have got better at keeping house reasonable since having two kids though, tbh. Think I am more organised (when I say 'more', I mean 'more than before', mind ).

Just enjoy your kids and sod the house. I'm at home just 2 but our house is always cluttered....I like to think it's homely! My kids are happy,we have friends and neighbours kids round a lot so they all get toys out,there's drinks and snacks everywhere etc. Every night I have a quick tidy round and get everything out of sight,and we have a cleaner 1 day a week so at least for 5mins on that one day the house is immaculate! I read a great poem (damn can't find it now) basically the jist is your kids are young for such a short time,we have the rest of our lives for a tidy house. Let's be fair,I might look back and think I wish I'd spent more time enjoying my kids,but no one would ever look back and think I wish I'd spent more time cleaning!

I feel your pain and have spent all morning sorting a charity shop load and putting stuff on freecycle.

It feels quite good now actually :o

I remember my mum never playing with us because she was too house proud. I have swung drastically in the other direction in an act of laziness rebellion.

Life is too short - but their childhood is even shorter. As long as they are happy who cares if your house is untidy?

I watch Kim and Aggy if I fear it's getting out of control - kicks me into shape quicksmart :)

I am so so with you!! I too have three aged 5, 3 and 1 and my life sounds pretty much like yours! I think it is normal. I'm never quite sure how i get through the day or what i achieve......

Looking after 3 under 6s for a whole day is a major achievement in itself. Even if you do nothing else. People underestimate the effort it takes, I can remember it all too well.

I had 3 in 4 years, it was knackering in the first couple of years. And, these days, it's really quite easy, totally different, a walk in the park in comparison. There is hope.... but the house is still a mess.

Nelly - are you constantly trying to do something with one of the children and the other two are trying to prevent you? Do you sometimes feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back with tidying up?

I was trying to sort out toys at the weekend and discovered the baby can open ziplock bags (containing just-sorted jigsaw pieces). Who'd have thought it?

I tried to make a sort of start on decluttering the kitchen, inspired by this thread. As I was putting some gardening stuff in the shed I heard a happy gurgle and turned round to discover the baby had worked out how to open the back door and was crawling eagerly across the frosty, chicken-poo-covered lawn towards me. So I had to leave the kitchen and clean the baby!

thing is I'm not actually houseproud and I don't think I ever will be, it's just the house is currently so untidy that it makes living harder.
I don't mind 'untidy' in itself.

Had a lovely conversation with my old best friend from primary school recently. She said, 'I used to think your mum was the coolest mum in the world. Do you remember when she let us have the run of everything in her kitchen to make 'soup'? I wish I could be like that with my kids but I have too many control issues.'

so on the plus side, no control issues here (or with anyone else on this thread by the sound of it )

Oh God, I am on maternity leave with only one DS (5 weeks old).I get nothing done. My husband does all the cooking during the week. I am still in my dressing gown and it's gone noon . . .

Don't feel so bad about it. As I found, it helps to lower ones standards and expectations. These days, if I make it out the house once a day then I'm happy.