DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Loopyloops no I never told them because felt would not be believed as the clues were there no one ever listerned to them.I was beaten in the end physically and mean threatned with knife pushed down the stairs told my mum I fell .I truely believed he would kill me if I ever said anything

never told anyone other than one scholfroend who then put around that I was sick and a pervert .Was just seeing the op problem and could not post on it did not even stop to namechange,first time ever talked about it other than above

I have days when I would love to tell my mum just why I hate and mean hate my brother so much ,but know what it would do to her and part of ne feels that after so long would never believe me even now and not strong enough to report it and expose my family to all the questions ,My brother went on to marry had a daughter but they split up and he risaapeared into the wild blue younder .it is something I will take to the grave but it will be there for the rest of my life

But have always said to myself if it's found out that ge is ever suspected of touching a child or assulting a adult and I hear of it .I will walk into a police station and tell what happened even if it costs me my mum .

please call childline

they will give you advice . it can be totally anonymous. make up a name if you need to

Oh peasant, that is awful. Awful that it happened, and even more awful that you tried to tell someone and weren't believed, then felt you couldn't tell anyone else.

If you can think back to that time, what do you think your parents could have done to protect you? I mean in the OP's position, what do you think would be best?

I would need to act right now, calling for advice immediately. I would also ensure that DS1 was never alone with the girls. Awful that they are both your children, but it my view the victim always deserves the support over the perpetrator.

Yes, and you can call Childline or NSPCC after the kids have gone to bed.

Don't ruin DS1's life by reporting anything to the authorities unless you are really really sure he is doing this with harmful intent. He is a bit old for the 'curiosity' excuse, but maybe he is a late developer?
This is a really worrying situation and I am not trying to play it down, but if you can really talk to him and make him understand why it is so inappropriate for someone of his age to do this to his sister, then maybe it will be enough (that and obviously keep a very very close eye on the situation from now on).

You don't want to scar him psychologically if it is actually relatively innocent, and you definitely don't want to have anything put on a social services (or worse) record if you report it to the authorities.
Although of course awful things do happen and they should never be ignored, sometimes people go overboard and you need to consider your DS as well as your DD.

Phips sorry it would go e beyond apolgsing proffesional. Help is needed by all at the age of 37 part of me feels guilt that maybe if I said more that things would have been differnt ,now I know fair bit wasswept under the carpet and can see just how many signs were missed and it destroyed my childhood .Please op get help and now don't leave it thinking a talk will help ,because dd will feel that she can't confide anymore because no one is listerning what's the point .

And not saying he will but the chance is there ds will just get more sneaky about it

Campervanner I think you are very wrong.

i agree re: NSPCC and the GP. i agree that it is a little more than a 'stern talking to' situation and your DS needs to speak to someone about the inappropriate behaviour and nip it in the bud before it escalates.

i am sorry you and your family are having to deal with this

why would having anything on social services record be a bad thing campervanner. the boy needs help and SS are equipped to provide it. why do people make SS out to be life wreckers when they really aren't?

CV please see peasant's story. A chat and hoping it will go away is ridiculous advice.

your attitude is actually quite worrying.

Campervan Im sorry but just maybe if there been proffesional help for my brother when was younger by the approiate authorties .He would not then gone on to destroy my childhood ,I can't remember a time when his behaviour was not approaite I was not much older than her dd when it started my brother is almost 3 years older
go overboard for crying out loud he is 13 I'm sorry but get help

Loppyloop I wish the police had been involved that had lots of reassurance that it was not my fault .That someone had protected me and yes by my brother leaving from age of 9/10 I used to wish that he would leave .I even asked to go to bordering school used to stay out all day advoid being alone with him .He'll at 12 I got avlock on my door said was to stop him going through my stuff he has been in trouble for stealing from mums purse etc.I wanted the lock on my door so I could sleep he bust it of one night when my parents were out :(

I think it might be useful to separate the issue of this being family.

@CV (and anyone else):
a) Hypothetically, if your 6yo DD told you this had happened, and the 13yo perpetrator was a neighbour, what would you do?

b)
If your 13yo son was accused and admitted to doing this to a 6yo neighbour, what would you do?

For me, a) I would call the police, social services, GP and NSPCC. b) I would call social services, GP and NSPCC.

If a 13yo doesn't understand how wrong this is, he really needs help. How will this behaviour be helped otherwise? If he does understand, then he needs help of a different kind. Either way, if you are to avoid your 13yo becoming an adult paedophile, you have to allow the relevant professionals to help him.

Hi, sorry I totally missed the second page here, if you read just a bit of the first page (as I did), you can maybe see where I was coming from.
Having read peasant's story, I can see how this could lead on to worse things. Having had no experience of this kind of thing, I realise now that I shouldn't have posted.
Sorry.

Cv if you think I'm trolling I'm not have not namechanged so op can see I'm a regular this thread yanked me right back and wanted op to hear from someone who has been where her dd is

I had similar experiences as a child, my brother was 4 years older so not such a big age gap but still. Don't want to say much in detail about it except that you must not allow this to continue.

I think it makes a huge difference though that you believe her and that you're willing to talk about it and do something, in my parents house it was an unspoken rule that we didn't talk about anything to do with sex or private parts, and when I tried to tell them I was made to feel I was a wicked and disgusting child for saying such awful things. I never said anything about it again, that doesn't mean it had stopped.

peasant you say your parents didn't take it seriously in your case. Well, there's the difference. In this case the parent is taking it seriously and I feel that at this stage it can still be dealt with within the family.

tortoise. i'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

you do need to take some advise on this..like others have said, phone the nspcc or childline.

i think that it is best to give yourself some space to do this, so wait until later on when all the kids are in bed. i wouldn't go running to the gp with all the kids in tow...see him/her on your own and explain the situation first...and take your lead from them.

look after yourself now. x

It's ok campervan not having a go but I lived with the effects and knowledge of what he did to me for the rest of my life .

If he ever comes back into my mums life,I would tell him never ever come near me or my dc and it's always possiable as mum does a fair bit of my poor ds what happened to him to make him go of the rails oh the weed he smoke must made him scizofrenic prone to temper so want to say no mum he was like that by the age of 9/10 he is sick beyond sick

peasant your post addressed to me confuses me.

Jangly it was delt within the family ,my brother recevied talking to when was caught exposing himself to me they thought it was just curiostu , he found way out of it ,it ,did not stop him

I'm sorry but if found out ds1 or ds2 had done to dd I would have no hestation in calling in proffesionals because it can get worse if at 13 he does not understand boundries either through learning diffculties or because he just does not want to then what's next how much do you just keep it in the family

When you said about ds1 apolgsing to her dd ,sorry does not make it better

op I'm sorry but this is sexual abuse and it needs stoping now because otherwise dd could be telling my story in 31 years time .If any other 13 year old had done this I'm sure you would have no hestation in calling the police

'Give him a good talking to. Its probably just normal curiosity/urges getting the better of him. Explain to him what it means to be a peadophile (don't make him out to be one - he isn't and won't be). He probably just hasn't thought this behaviour through. And make sure she doesn't lie on his bed! Tell her to scream for you if he tries anything like it again. But don't bring the "experts" in yet for goodness sake. But do give him a good strong warning.'

I am shocked and appalled at this post of Jangle's. It is 100% wrong on so many levels, not least the paranoia about "experts" (whatever the quotation marks mean) and the suggestion that any of this is in the power of the DD to control (by screaming for instance, or not lying on the DS's bed) WTF???? and that any adult would suggest this head in the sand approach here.

This is not a case of curiosity run amok or simply not thinking things through. The DS here needs professional therapy, as he may have been exposed to something similar or to porn, not a stern talking to, and the DD needs to go to the GP and have an exam and a referral for counselling too. There is no time to lose. Talk to the GP in advance so they can be prepared. Call the NSPCC and Childline.

They must never be alone together.

So sorry you're going through this and hope all will be well, Tortoise. xx

I never said sorry made it better. But it is a start.

I am sure the OP realises this needs dealing with right now.

And yes they will probably need to examine dd to find out just how far the touching has gone and yes they will need to question her .Please op listern to what she's telling you and what she might not be telling you this is not normal behaviour