DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

This is far too big a can of worms to be dealt with in the family, Jangly, and the repercussions of not dealing with it properly could be devastating for all concerned.

The boy needs strong parental guidance. The little girl has already told her mum about it so she would obviously tell if more of the same happened. I just don't think its gone far enough to warrant calling in outside help. Give the boy a chance. Don't incriminate him when its probably not necessary. But a very keen eye needs to be kept on the sitution by the parents.

situation

thank heavens for some real advice turning up. for a minute i thought i was living in some strange 1950's world where this was par for the course and should be just swept under the carpet.

Disagree 100%. We are living on different planets. It is not obvious at all that the DD would tell if more of the same happened, and shame on you for thinking a child should be left in a situation where more of the same could happen for the sake of giving the DS a chance.

jangly, involving SS and CAHMs is not incriminating him. it is helping him and preventing him doing it again to his sister or anyone else. this is definitely a professional issue. you cannot leave things liek this to chance and hope teh message gets there.

Sorry is when you accidently do something

I'm not going to post anymore ,was painfull for me to post but could not leave it unanswered .Please I beg you op get advice and help do not deal with it in family as myself and someone else has posted the effects never go away

I think that there is lots of advice on her from lots of different perspectives.

I really think that the VERY BEST advice is to call childline or NSPCC or similar in teh first instance. They will take an objective and professional yet COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL view and advise you appropriately.

Most of all...until you have taken further advice, and made an informed decision as to whehter you can/should/will "deal with it in the family" I recommend that you DO NOT ask any questions of any of your children. The first rule of basic child protection training is that this has to be handled by the professionals to ensure that the questions are appropriate and not leading.

I really think that the NSPCC or Childline is the best thing you can do at this stage....to protect ALL of your children including your DS.

totally agree slightlymad.

I have no experience of this, but in my very humble opinion this HAS to be taken further, and outside the family. The very worst case scenario is that there will now be "revenge" on your dd, and an angry teenager stepping it up and starting to use blackmail to keep her quiet.

Jangly

Read my posts for crying out loud,this I'd beyond family dealing ,incrimanate if it was anyone other than her brother there be no hesatation jn police involved ,.If it'd not stopped it can go on to be far worse

and for those that say teach dd to scream etc I'm sorry abusers are manupliative especiay when they think hot awaywith a stern talking to .I was kept quiet by fear and by threats do not let this happen to dd

Totally agree with SMS

I agree -- no more questioning by yourself, Tortoise.

But there will have to be questioning, professional questioning, and they must never be in the same room alone or outdoors alone until further advice from professionals, even if this means locking bedroom doors at night.

The DD must be able to feel completely safe from now on within the house and in her environment, and that she can count on you for protection.

Yes, Quintessential, the DS knows he shouldn't have done this, on some level. Pressure on the DD to clam up would be a real concern of mine. Action needs to be taken fast here, before too much dust settles.

Its not leaving it to chance. Its leaving it to the parents. You know - its part of the job! ie bringing up your children.

Quienessential

your right .I knew it was wrong but to scared to fight back scared physically and mentally .Locks on doors from 12 sleeping with a knife under my pillow

We will have to agree to disagree peasant.

I am afraid that your ds lost the chance to any chances when he touched his sister in a totally inappropriate and unacceptable way. He may need help, he may just have fancied his chances, but your dd needs to know she comes first and you will protect her always.

You don't need to wait until tomorrow to phone the NSPCC, the number (0808 800 5000) is open 24 hours a day so at the very latest you can waif for the children to be in bed. They also have an email address ([email protected]) if that would be quicker.

You can also give your dd the childline number (0800 1111) so she can get some independent support if needs it.

jangly, I doubt even tortoise herself would agree with your advice.

Jangly, you are completely wrong here. I am really puzzled by your attitude.

This is not just a case of misbehaviour or a bad habit that a family could deal with. It is a case of sexual abuse. For both of the children's sakes here professional intervention is absolutely necessary.

And this is not 'bringing up your children'.

It is dealing with a very serious incident or incidents that must not go unchecked, must be dealt with appropriately by people with appropriate training.

Jangly this I'd beyond leaving to the parents her dd will need help proffesional help .This is far beyond what parents can deal with

Op hope Reading from my point of view what I felt and still do has given you a side to think about .and yes call childline later to ask for help .Your daughter has trusted you please don't ignore it

Those who say deal with it in the family ,I hope you or your dc never ever have to experiance abuse or deal with the legagacy of abuse

jangly, as OP has said. she doesn't know how to deal with this. surely it is far better to get professional help from people who have dealt with this many times than for a parent who has torn loyalties and isn't exactly sure what the signs or symptoms of this are.

I would go to the doctors and ask to be referred to your local Crisis Team who will have child protection and safeguarding experience and would probably get an officer from your local CAIU involved even just to speak to your son and daughter.

The big bad thing that happens when people see sexual abuse (and to me this is what this is - at 13 curiosity isn't what it is about - he must know about sex and sexual relations and he has been told about people doing things to him against his will and stranger danger etc - therefore he should have a handle on the fact that it is inappropriate and illegal to do this to someone else.) within families is that they don;t treat it as seriously as though it is done by a stranger - you have to go down the same lines as you would do if this was someone doing this to your daughter who you don't know.

I listened to a very upsetting program on radio four about children who sexually abuse other children. The most important message was that it is not 'normal' and should be dealt with by professionals.