DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Peasant, meant to say, for you and your past experiences. A friend of mine had the same experience with her brother (I actually went out with him briefly) and was totally gobsmacked when she told me about it years later.

Jangly would you be saying the same thing if it was your daughter and a cousin or nephew who was involved? what if it was a neighbours son involved.

Sorry but parenting doesn't involve having to watch your children to make sure they don't tough their little sister inappropriately for christ sake!?

OP i can't imagine what you're going through but I agree you need to speak to NSPCC or similar for help.

It's ok Bucharest in some way talking about it now can help one dc then I'm glad feel very strong about it why refused to namechange

I did nothing wrong the adults around me let me down

Absolutely.

Well done and well said Peasant.

I agree with MadameCastiafiore, 13 is not young these days and I would suggest that unfortunately he knows exactly what he's doing. It's bad enough that he has done it to a DSis where he is taking a risk that she will tell you, but what if he is doing it to others who may be too scared to tell. I'm not suggesting that he is, but he may well do in the future if it's not dealt with.

As MCF said, this I'm sure is not curiosity, some boys are fathers at this age (sad but true). I really feel for you in what must be an awful situation, but get the professionals involved sooner rather than later.

agree tootlesmummy, i can't imagine jangly would be happy for her nephew/cousin's parents to just deal with this themselves if it was her DD they had done it to.

Maybetomortow

exactly I always wonder if my brother had or has abused anyone else never had courage to report him but have promised myself if anyone else speaks out and accuses him .I will tell my story and to he'll with the consequences

I would know because he would run back to my mum knowing she will stand up for him won't believe it of him

Jangly - lets hope your children are never abused by someone whose parent dealt withtheir sexually predatory behaviour in house - someone who had no experience to nip this in the bud or see if it was something more deep seated.

Most abusers will start very young, sisters, brothers, cousins, neighbours and the worse thing that can happen is for it not to be flagged up immediatley and dealt with by professionals.

Please do something about it now Tortoise - this really is an issue that you are not qualified to deal with even as a parent.

What exactly would you like Social Services to do? Talk to the boy? I only ask out of interest.

It's not Social Services who will be called - he would probably get seen by a psychologist who would have experience in this field and speak to him about whether he was aware of the seriousness of what he did - they will be able to talk about urges etc and see straight through and fudging.

How can you be sure that looking at his sister's private, putting her knickers on her head (!) and touching her there (assuming thats all he did) is that serious? Of course it needs firmly knocking on the head now but the parents can do that.

jangly...if it is this boy you are trying to 'save' imagine nothing gets done and within a few years he's a fully fledged abuser. /better for both dcs if this is resolved now, by professionals. I would be surprised if any parent is equipped to deal with sexual abuse without professional help.

Blimeyheck Jangly, you've an odd perception of normal in your family.

It is serious because of his age and because it is making her feel uncomfortable - it is sexual abuse.

And no parents are not qualified or equipped to deal with sexual abuse - within the family or outside of it - would you not report a 13 year old stranger who did this to your child?

I didn't say it was normal. I just don't think it went far enough to involve professionals.

Jangly

you are wrong. Massively, epically wrong. Please do not listen to jangly.

Fucking hell I am worried thst you have kids and do not see this as an issue - it is the same as a man doing it to you against your will - it is unconsented sexual touching - it is wrong on every level and it is Tortoise's responsibility to get help for her daughter and for her son.

This young girl has been molested - I have a huge issue with people not thinking being battered by their partner or being touched by someone against their will isn;t as bad if done by someone they know or a member of their family - believe me it is worse and the effects onthis young girl will grow like a ripple in a puddle if something is not done.

What WOULD be far enough Jangly? The next step from touchng? WHY would she risk that? Your attitude is sickening.

OP...I applaud your bravery in coming here...you are obviously a good and sensible parent.

Jangly is so wrong. Please DO NOT listen to her.

Jangly

Social services would probably carry out an assessment, such as an AIM2 assessment, to determine the level of risk that the boy poses. They would then, if there was such a service, refer to a treatment programme for young people who exhibit sexually harmful behaviour. This team should consist of social workers, clinical psychologists and possibly youth offending team workers. All professionlas would be well trained in sensitively addressing harmful behaviour and reducing the risk of further behaviour in children and young people.

yep becuase if helps not got now it could progress and infact it is well known that it does progress in a lot of cases especially when proffesional help is not got .

trust me thats enough that was the sort of stuf fmy brother did to me first , he then went of to rape me , ye4s rape and it was rape doe snot matter that he was not a strange rinfact it was far worse , your big brothers are meant to protect you not become the cause of your nightmares

Jangly....what would you say if a 18yo man was doing these things? Or a 17yo, 16yo, 15yo at what age does it become an issue?

TBH I don't think there is a clear cut right or wrong action...there are pro's and cons both ways. Which is why I suggest an objective opinion from organisations which have all teh facts about how this would be dealt with and what support is available for the WHOLE family. And I think that this is what a lot of the comments are about...SUPPORT for Tortoise. Support for Tortoise DD and SUPPORT for Tortoises DS...tailored to each of them, to ENSURE that any long term "scarring" is minimised for all.

I don't know what the right answer is (and I have to say that this touches a personal nerve), except to say that everyone has an opinion, everyone is entitled to an opinion and it is for Toirtoise to make a judgement based on the gathering of these opinions as to what she decides to do next...

Oh its quite possible I'm wrong. But I still hope that if I had a thirteen year old son who did this, I would be able to give him the firm guidance he needs to keep him on the straight and narrow.
And now I'm going to watch the telly.

(I'm starting to feel like some kind of a demon, and I'm not!