DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

jangly, have you ever been abused? have you ever been touched when you didn't want it? have you ever been touched intimately and known it was wrong but been so petrified of what would happen if you didn't allow it to continue that you said nothing? have you held this knowledge and not told a soul right up til this present day? becaus ei have and believe me, it is fucking serious.

i cannot believe your attitude to sexual abuse. i really don't know in what world your attitude is right.

OP do your DC have access to the internet on computer and phones without parental controls?

peasant - very very brave of you to share your story. It is a warning to all of us that abuse doesn't just happen to "other people" who we don't know and that it does happen within the family.

I need to start introducing boundaries etc for DS who is 3.

And what about your daughter Jangly - would you tell her to get over it, that it is normal to be molested and then when she gets pissed in the park as a young adult and gets raped and doesn't report it but it screws the rest of her life up and has an impact on her relationships with men in her life, she only attracts abusive men who use her and treat her roughly a a result of the abuse her brother inflicted on her as a child, she then has children and lets her partners abuse them because mummy seemed to think it was normal that her daughter was molested so why should I stop people doing it to my children.

I think you need help Jangly if you think it isn;t a really serious offence for a 6 year old child to be molested.

booyhoo - - do you want to share anymore here? I am guessing that thread has acted as a trigger?

Can someone post up some details of where booyhoo could get someone to help her with these memories?

jangly, a genuine question. if a 13 year old cousin or even a neighbour did thsi to your DD, would you be happy to let his parents deal with it? would you go round to theirs, sit down and have a cup of tea and discuss it or would you think he was sick and needed professional help? because that is what this lad needs, he has a problem, it has already affected his sister. he needs professional help and he needs it now. this does not fall under the realms of parental guidance. thsi is not drinking in teh park or answering back in school.

seems there a few of us who have been through it ;(

So many brave posters here -- hats off to you all.

Tortoise, please don't let too much grass grow under your feet now. Reach out.

tabouleh, i don't feel i need to share. i have sorted it all in my own head and it is all tied up in a box. i don't know if it would add anything to the thread to share, except to say that the abuser was also a young teenager and i was in primary school.

thank you for your concern but i have long since put the memories to bed. the only thing that still gets me is that i didn't tell and he could have done it to someone else. i could have stopped that happening.

booyhoo

thats something I to live with ,the what iffs all I can do is say if anyone else ever makes accusations I will tell my story infact tonight have toyed with reporting it but think the mess it will cause now is not worth the pain its my word against his

it would absoloutley gut my parents to know this had happened, and who it was. i could never put them through that. it wouldn't make me feel any better about it if i reported it now. i imagine he has forgotten all about it (similar stuff to what OP describes as being done to her DD).

have read some posts but not all there has been a massive responce to this.

it is not normal curiosty for a 13 year old boy to behave in this way. what he has done is abuse. I belive he needs proffessional help. It may be that he has been subject to abuse him self. or he is experiencing something that can be help through counceling. He is 13 so not not a peodophile but he is a perpertrater of abuse. This will not go down the road of the police necessarily if you seek help so i would not fear for his treatment.

I def would not talk to your other children about this just yet.

I would not ask dd any more questions.

I would definatly sit them both down and explain what has happened here is not acceptable and needs to be treated gently.

First thing tomorrow you must go alone and speak to either your G.P Or contact the NSPCC who will give you very good advice on what happens next. ensure for the sake of all your children your son included that you work with the correct proffessionals.

being ignored and at this point involving other dc could lead to your sons best interests being ignored.

The other very important factor is you must send the correct messages to your daughter that she must never accept abusive behaviour and there is an appropriate and correct way of deling with this and she has every right to be safe.

i feel for you so much.

Jangly, just what does he need to do for it to be 'too far/too much'!?

OP - please do not listen to the drivel that she's spouting. It's rubbish and you are doing the right thing.

Peasant & Booyhoo, I'm sorry that you both had to experience such a terrible ordeal but I have huge respect for you both coming on and given the OP good advice.

Tootles, I wanted to ask that too, and I was afraid to hear the answer.

hope you're ok tortoise

I know you'll do the right thing xx

Mathanxiety, it does make you wonder doesn't it!?

So she thinks she could stop her son whilst he lives under her roof but what about when he grows up?

booyhoo

part of the reason I cant tell is because what it will do to my mum ;( and even now to scared and worry that I wont be believed

peasant - have you had counselling or spoken to someone else about this - it does help just to get it off your chest sometimes.

I saw a psychotherapist for quite a long timwe about lots of things that happened to me in my life and she was great - made me realise that things were not my fault and the guilt did not rest with me but someone else.

madame other than one school friend this is the first time I ever talked about it

Its ok I ahve delt with it for quite some time went down the emtionally and physically abuisive partener escaped that with 2 young dc and then married a man who was to much the other way and was cold emtionally had 2 more dc

Have been divoiced for quite some time and found I do quite like myself now and being single and in control suits me .Am in far better place .

I just felt for the dd involved with this and could not help myself but post .I can now accept it was the adults that let me down as a child .

But yes i made the descion that I will not tell less i hear of another person being destroyed by my brother .Am strong enough now to move on with my life just me and my dc

I think that it would be helpful to explain to your ds1 exactly what he has done and that you have asked for advice and the concensus is that he needs help.Your little girl was very brave to tell you this and she needs all the love and support you can give but he is your child too-your firstborn.It sounds as if he has had a very unsettled and unhappy time and it may be that the social boundaries have become blurred for him.I would involve him in the decision as to what happens next.There have been recent cases of children being placed on sex offenders register and you need to be very very sure of what you want to happen here.I'd be asking your GP to examine your dd but remember that will be traumatic too.Will she tell you if there was more than just 'looking'?if there wasnt it could still be immature curiosity from your ds.Tread very carefully and dont be bulldozed into action you may regret and never ever give him the chance to repeat his behaviour whatever you do next.They both need you now.

Please get help. Start with advice from NSPCC. I'm not going to tell about my experience because I feel it's wrong for my DD's privacy. This is definitely not normal curiosity. It's easy for people who haven't experienced this to say that. It can be devastating. I ended up with depression, had to leave my job, my DC has behavioural issues 2 years later. We were told by the GP to hope my DC forgets about it. The abuser got off scott free. Someone recently confided in me (who doesn't know our history) that the same child had shown some disturbing behaviour towards her daughter. Would strongly advise to get some professional help and v sorry you are going through this.

I don't think you need to ask your GP to examine your daughter and I would be very unsure of any doctor who agreed to do something like that to such a small child who has recently been molested.

If she needs to be examined it would be by someone who knows what tp look for and that is something most GPs most certainly do not specialise in.

Glad you have got there finally peasant - I hope your last post crystalises OPs thoughts on what happens to a childs mind if abuse is not taken seriously or reported.

PS I'm pretty sure you can talk to NSPCC anonomously.

The GP's exam is really necessary though, and a referral for counselling is a must for the DD. The DS needs a lot of therapy.

There is everything to lose here by inaction.