DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Please ring the NSPCC, they will have dealt with this kind of thing before, and should give sound advice.

DS is 13, he should by this age know that it is inappropriate. You really need to talk to him in depth about that (my DH was having sex at 13, it's not that uncommon, but preying on a small child is awful and he needs to know why).
You also need to talk to DD, let her know that she did the right thing by speaking to you, and that her body is hers so no-one should make her do things that make her uncomfortable. You also need to find ot all the details, and if this has happened with DD1. How old is DD1?

Will try NSPCC tomorrow. Difficult because i think DD2 will still be at home.

Ok - do not allow them to have unsupervised time together. Take her to the GP. Call NSPCC or similar for advice. Your DS is 13, this is more serious than children exploring. He is pubescent and instigating sexual contact with a small child. I don't mean to freak you out but he needs more than a 'start talking to'. Contact your local CAMHS and ask whether they have a programme for young people who exhibit sexually harmful behaviour. A good friend of mine does exactly that job. I'm sure you want to avoid SS being involved but it may be inevitable. They will not come the heavy but will say what I have re no unsupervised time and may be able to access treatment/assessment for your DS. The GP will have to report it, but do not let that prevent you from seeking medical advice re your DD, it's vital.

Please be assured that SS will not penalise you or your DS for this - they will want to support you. Please also be assured that your DS is not a paedophile, or even a nascent paedophile. Teenage boys being sexually inappropriate with younger children is extraordinarily common in my area of work, to be fair I work with looked after children but the point is that it doesn't mean your DS will grow up to sexually abuse, HOWEVER there is treatment (by which I mean work around acceptable behaviour, boundaries and consent done in a sympathetic and professional manner) which can help to prevent him behaving in this way again.

Please do not bury this under the carpet - it needs dealing with.

'stern talking to'

DD1 is 7.

no probs reformed i do that all teh time.

agree with everything eric has said.

Ok Tortoise, I didn't realise there was such an age gap

Do you know what, I think EricNorthamsMistress is spot on with her advice, but I wonder if your DS has somehow missed the boundaries/sexual contact being a no-no.

It isn't trivialising what your DD2 has said he has done, but if he really knew it was wrong, then I think he would have resisted admitting it to you for longer.

Could you get an emergency GP appointment? I personally think that tomorrow is too late. You need to start acting immediately so that you can all deal with whatever has been happening, and move on in the future.

Well done for being so brave - I can't imagine how long it took you to write the OP.

Then yes, you must speak to DD1 too.

EricN'sM talks a lot of sense, I agree with her advice. 13 is old enough that this is very serious, and not to be brushed under the carpet. Imagine if they were unrelated? I assume a criminal investigation would take place.

Op please listern to your dd

,am nit even going to namechange for this though part of me would like to as It is not something I like to talk about .But by not namechanging you can see that I'm not a troll am infact a mn regular

My brother used to do this to me and a couple of times I tried to explain to my parents what he was doing and it was not really taken seriously was like oh it's kids being curious ,this led onto my brother abusing me on and of for years ans me to scared to talk out as felt no one would listern .I was abused by a friend of his to I used to dp everything to advoid being left alone with him ,he used to beat ne and abuse me regulary even though I pleaded with him to stop .He then raped me at the age of 12 till I was 14

Did not talk as he used all blackmail skills or I bd sent away no one would believe me etc and because of my early experiances of when tried to tell I believed him :(

Was not till I was 15 when he tried again and I pulled knife on him that I hid under my pillow every night that he finally stopped though did not stop him beating me up .I must been the worlds clumiset teenager

I have nothing to do with him thank deck he left home and disappeared no ones seen him in 4 Years everyone thinks I dislike him because of brother/sister spats .At the age I am now and mum to 4 dc I still have times when think why did no one listern to me help me and yes I have toyed with going to the police about it but it would destroy my mum (dads dead) so I keep quiet

Please seek help because it's hardly inoccent expermenting at 13 he knows that's wrong your daughter has asked for help listern to her please because otherwise it will stay withher and she will feel she's done something wrong .And sounds like your ds needs some serious help

DD2 isn't well so really can't get GP appointment today. Going to have to take her with me in a minute to meet DD1 and DS2.
He didn't even seem embrrassed when i (quickly) spoke to him. As if he didn't have a clue it was wrong. He should do though shouldn't he?

If i don't reply it is because i have gone out but will be back later (have to be careful, DS2 likes to read over my shoulder!)

Oh and she said DS2 11 has never done anything to her.

peasantgoneroundthebend4 crossed posts. Thank you for sharing your experience. i will indeed be dong whatever needs to be done. DD2 has been told she is in no trouble and i am glad she told me.

How awful for you Tortoise.

I agree totally with Eric....hard as it may be for you to deal with, the fact is that your son is 13 and at 13 is most definitely old enough to know about boundaries (familial and otherwise) and know that what he is doing is abusing his sister.

I know he's your son, but I can't believe the posters who are telling you all he needs is a bit of a talk.

Does he have learning difficulties at all?

if you can take her out to collect other dcs then you can take her to GP.

i wasn't going to suggest your son leaving but if you think it would be a good idea, even temporarily til he has had help them do that.

Op even now I have serious trust issues with men and some days when my mum talks about missing my brother etc and hope he is ok.I want to scream I hope he is fucking dead ,and yes part of me will always be angry that no one listerned picked up on what I was saying

I know if he ever got in contact with my mum I will never be in same room as him or allow him anywhere near my dc .

That's what it sounded like to me, Tortoise, like the whole thing has bypassed him. It sounds like he really doesn't know it is wrong, which I would say, honestly, is more worrying than if he knew it was wrong and did it anyway. He needs someone to help him get a sense of boundaries, for sure.

I would say that at 13 (year 8 I guess?), with the exception of the most complicated and extreme learning difficulties / SEN, all children should know that this is very wrong.

sorry, totally misread your last post i thought you said "ds should go shouldn't he". i see know you weren't saying that.

Peasant, did your parents ever find out the whole truth? I'm not surprised you're so angry towards your brother, but I am quite surprised that you still have contact with your mum.

Grusome

Just wanted you to hear from a adult that's been there why no namechange ,only now am I beginning to accept that it was the adults that failed me they have a share of guilt in what happened to me

but as a parent myself I can sympathise how horriable a situation you are in .But without proffesional help it could escerlate not saying it will but it's gone beyond talking dd needs help as does ds .Think at one point my brother(refuse to use DB) wastalked to by a friend ,he felt got away with it took to next level

I agree with EricNorthamsMistress.

At 13 yrs old, your DS should know that this is inappropriate behaviour, and it is very worrying (for your DD and for him) that he hasn't grasped this (or been able to control his urges). He does need some help with this, and as his parent, it is your responsibility to seek that help on his behalf.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. This must be very worrying for you, and I totally sympathise

7??

I have a 7 year old daughter and would spill blood if someone did that to her.

Your son is out of order and needs really telling. I think he should apologise to your daughter and she needs to be praised for telling you such a difficult thing. I feel very sorry for her.

1. Her other DD is 7.

Yes, I have reread and seen that. Not that it makes much difference whether she is 6 or 7.