DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

lifeistooshort Thank you. I am happy for you to talk on this thread if you want too. I hope you can find the strength to get some answers to your questions.

Tortoise, you are brilliant. Your last responses to Vass just show what a caring and loving mother you are.

lifeistooshort, I'm afraid I agree, that is probably abuse. Would you like a thread started that you can join, rather than starting one yourself?

Thank you tortoise.

I don't know loopy at the moment I just feel very very sick and dirty (but I feel like that each time I think about it). And somehow I always thought it was my fault

Tortoise, just wanted to say how amazingly brave and supportive you have been to ALL your DCs. I really hope you get the situation regarding your DS moving back sorted out soon. Keep us informed, if it helps you to post about it.

Tortoise - I hope you got some sleep last night. It seems to be going pretty well then really. Hopefully SS will be in touch soon. I hope they don't muck around too much & DS can come home soon. I also think that after this, he wont be in a hurry to do anything else like this. Also, just say to the girls that they need to tell you as soon as anyone does anything that makes them uncomfortable and that includes the DS's. I don't think you are going to need to watch them like a hawk or not allow DS to be alone with them - that wouldn't be a nice environment to live in - for any of you.

Thank you all.

Chippingin I eventually got to sleep. I'm ok while DC are here because they keep my mind off everything. Once they are in bed i feel so alone.

I had planned to take DC out Sunday to a local towns Christmas celebrations/lights switch on but i don't know if i will be able to take DS1. I don't want to leave him out so depends on XP being co-operative and letting me have him for the day.

Tortoise, I have just read the thread and wanted to say that I think you are dealing with this situation incredibly well.

I think your DDs are so lucky that they knew that they could tell mummy what was happening - this may not seem so huge in the midst of everything that is going on but please believe it is an incredible testament to your relationship with them. Your family have shown their trust in you and you have followed through so well, balancing the needs of all your children.

I hope that your DS1 can come home soon and that you all get the support you need to move on from this.

Thank you MsGee. Must have taken a while to read through the thread .

I actually started a day or two ago but wanted to check that you were all ok and didn't want to post anything half way through.

I don't want to turn this my own outpouring but I simply cannot put into words the difference it would have made in my life (in a similar situation) had I felt I could talk to an adult. And trust that they would make things ok.

I know that this is a very distressing situation for you all but in honesty, the fact that your DD talked to you makes me so happy and think (hope this doesn't sound odd) that she is so lucky to have you as a parent.

anyway, will go before I start setting up your fan club. I know its so difficult but you are do amazingly well, that I am sure you will all get through this. x

Tortoise - it's times like this when being a LP is very hard isn't it :( I agree that you should ring SS tomorrow (take the lead) and talk to them about what you are and aren't allowed to do with DS1 - take the control out of XP's hands... if they say it's OK for you to take him, then tell ExP this is what's happening.

It's being a semi-LP that's hard. If it was just Tortoise on her own she would be flying.

chippingin It is so hard as a LP. Last night i would have loved someone to hug me. All i get is our Jack Russell snuggled up in bed with me!
Plan for tomorrow is to phone the SW who came to the meeting at DD's school to find out what happens next and if i am allowed to have DS1 sunday. Will feel more in control when i have to face XP tomorrow night then! I can't see why i wouldn't be allowed him. We will be out all day.

Good luck. Well done so far and thinking of you all.

Best wishes for all of you, and I'm glad it looks as if there will be no charges against your son.

((HUG)) I know it's not the same as one from a RL bloke, but it's the best I can do right now :/ At least you do have Jack to cuddle :)

Have you spoken to the SW?

Are you taking the kids to the Christmas Fair? Even if you can't take DS1 I think you should take the others then when you can have DS, take him out on his own for a treat.

I can't see why you shouldn't have him either, but I guess from their perspective they are going to need to assess whether the girls are safe :(

SW finally got back to me earlier (while i was out, left a message even though i left my Mobile number!). Phoned them back and she said i can't have DS1 Sunday. I am so upset that another week has passed and i have only seen him for 10 mins at the police station and for a couple of mins tonight when XP picked DS2 up.
Her reason was that 1, It might upset DD's (they are desperate to see him) and 2, the police haven't got back to them yet and they don't want to interfere (can't think of the word she used) in the police investigation. I can see Ds1 if it is just him. Not much chance of that at the weekend.

So now i have to wait for someone to contact me Monday to let me know what is going to happen next and when i can see my son.

Oh and XP tonight claimed it was the policeman that said i didn't want him there at the interview. Pretty sure they wouldn't tell him that!!! Twat!

Just wanted to say what a shitty situation, and I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to sort out seeing your DS - I can't imagine what that's like. Sorry I can't offer anything constructive.

:(

How shitty of them not to call your mobile so you could actually talk to them.

Poor kids - all of them :( & you!

There must be someone who can have the girls for an hour or two at the weekend so you can see DS. Just ask!!

I second the babysitting suggestion, and also pestering the police.

I really want to punch your XP. He is playing with your mind.

I could get someone to have the other 3 DC but not this weekend as i have to take DD's to a contact centre for their contact with their Dad tomorrow (oh what fun!) then out Sunday if we still go.
I will leave it for the weekend and start phoning police Monday if i don't hear anything from SW. I think SW have to do a risk assessment before DS1 will be allowed home. At the moment this is to sort me having some sort of contact with him.

Do you think i am right in thinking that the police wouldn't have said that to XP? I'm sure i have never mentioned it to them and surely not something a police man would say? (see what you mean about screwing with my head!)

He is screwing with your head... the sooner you get this sorted out and DS home the better!!

What Lougle said. A really calm approach. It sounds like you've done the right thing. It's great that she felt able to tell you. Really don't like the idea of taking her to the GP, I think you'd know if he'd physically hurt her and I think there's a danger in looking at her as a victim (as another repy said she was). It's great that you're dealing with this sensibly and in a way that will make things better and ensure this doesn't happen again. I really feel for you.

Have just realised that I've replied to the first page of replies when actually this thread has changed somewhat and the most recent responses are at the end. The perils of not really understanding the system.