DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Maybe you could ask the police when you get there (hopefully early) about the privacy aspect of it wrt the DDs and whether it's appropriate that the XP would hear all they've been through?

Hope it goes well. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you all.

That's a good idea maths. Will try and do that. Guess there isn't much they can do about as they will have to question DS1 about what happened.
Will let you know later how it goes.
Thank you for good luck wishes etc.

:) Thinking of you. :)

Thinking about you Tortoise and hoping it's all going well.

Thinking of you. Hope it's going okay

Just caught up on the latest. I'm sure you are either still there or on your way home

Hope it went ok.
Thinking if you x

When you have the time, please let us know how it went and what the police have said they are going to do next.

I got to the station at 4.50 only to find they had just started the interview. I had to then sit in the entrance waiting area fighting back the tears because i really wanted to speak to DS1 before he went in. I was annoyed at the police because he said he would let me speak to DS1 before he went in but he didn't wait for me to get there.
So i sat there for nearly an hour!
When they came out (XP with a smug grin on his face!), DS1 was very quiet but said he was ok.
Police said he told the truth and things basically matched up to what DD's had said. He couldn't explain why he did it but knew it was wrong.
But they are not looking to charge him or anything which is a relief. They will refer back to SS to get DS1 some help/someone pro to talk to without me or XP. They want him to be able to explain/work out why he did it, the police think just curiosity.
XP did offer a lift home but i really couldn't have got in the same car as him after all the hassle he caused today so the policeman gave me a lift home.
Still no idea when DS1 will be allowed home. I think he said SW need to assess the risk to DD's 1st. I said i am happy for him to come home and i feel able to keep an eye on things.

You must be exhausted but the news is basically good-your XP sounds like a real prat but you can start to put things together again now and hopefully your ds1 will be home soon.What a great mum you are.

Well, that is good news, all in all. You've had a horrible day and you must be knackered. Have a glass of wine and be proud of yourself. DS will be home soon, and now will get the help he needs.

:) :) :)

This whole episode must be so emotionally draining.

XP is obviously a twat so dont let him rile you.

This really is ok. You have listened to, and supported your DDs. (they will remember that FOREVER) And you have obtained the right kind of support for DS (assuming they can help him work out what he was doing, why it was wrong, and get some perspective).

Stay strong, Tort. (will PM you).

I am tired but will probably still struggle to get to sleep. Last 2 nights i have been awake until 2-3am! Maybe now things have moved on a bit i will sleep better.

Have to lol at XP being seen as a twat! Shame i have to see him Friday when he picks DS2 up!

Tortoise I haven't got anything constructive to say or any relevant advice to give. But may I just say how amazed I am at your strength of character and at how well you have and are continuing to handle such a delicate situation when parts of your heart must break. I think you are amazing and your children are very lucky to have you. I wish you and your family all the best in these tought times

I am however deeply perturbed by this thread and hope you will forgive the slight hijack of this thread. I am slightly confused between the boundary between normal exploration between brothers and sisters and abuse (and I promise this is a genuine question, not an attempt to stir things up)

Take a boy of say 12/13 and his sister of 9/10. Boy gets sister to undress and undress himself. Boy get girl to kiss his bottom and kiss her bottom. Boy then tries to get girl to kiss his erect penis. Is this abuse or normal exploration? Actually typed this in black and white, I have an inkling of what the answer might be

lifeistooshort, I am no expert but that sounds like abuse to me.

Ds1 is 14 and I feel that he has now known for several years that this behaviour would be wrong, particularly with a younger girl. Same with ds2. Mind you, they have no sisters but even if they did, I really don't think they would behave that way.

Do you mind me asking, were you that little girl?

it's certainly a fine line lifeistooshort. I do think that at 12/13 the boy is closer to 9/10 emotionally than if it was later on in teens if that's of any comfort ?

Tortoise good to hear there will not be a charge and that help will be found for DS1. Hope you'll hear soon about the SW and whatever arrangements will be offered for counselling. I would try to make contact as soon as you know a name or number, just to get the risk assessment over with and normal life back as much as possible, and the DS and DDs helped. I hope the SW will be able to pinpoint why he did this I hope the DS didn't witness any abuse or any pornography that might have sparked his interest.

What a huge shame your XP couldn't behave himself, compounding your misery.

Lifeistooshort, I would say not 'normal'.

No advice to give, but just wanted to say that you are doing brilliantly! I hope that DS comes home soon and that you can all be together again.

If I was the OP I would definitely consider sending DS1 to live with his dad - despite him being a twat and all. It could be better for all concerned.

BUT I don't know the situation in detail, so i could be wrong. Wish you all the best!

well done you hae been so strong. I am not surprised there where no charges im just hoping that ss will now get the right help for ds.

I would ask them about mentoring, this could be good for ds as it will gie hikm contact with a person who will listen to him and show an interest in his life away from the family.

I think exps behaiour is out of order but her to is probably a little afraid, howeer I would discuss early on with ss about ds staying at home and maybe some support with seeking more appropriate housing.

well done you. :) :)

lifeistooshort I would class that as abuse TBH. I think DS1's was decided as more curiosity than abuse because he stayed fully clothes and was mainly looking. From what the police said, it started as a game of mums, dads and babies. DS1 knew it was wrong.

Vess Would you really give up on a child and split them up from siblings? I cannot even consider doing that. I know it will be hard and it will be hard to have to constantly keep an eye and make sure i don't let DS1 be alone with DD's. But i am ready to do that to support my DS.

But he might need his dad more than you think. A father figure could be more important than siblings.

And it's not giving up on him, and it's not like he will never see his siblings again.

But, I'm only saying what I think I would consider if I was in a similar situation.
I'm sure you know best!
Good luck!

yes maybe a father figure would be good but that would not be his Dad! His Dad still relies on mummy to do his washing, cooking etc which includes her picking his dirty clothes off his bedroom floor! I do not want my Son thinking that is how things work. I want him to make a good partner to someone one day. He needs me more than his Dad! How would DS2 feel being separated from his Brother? I can't really put into words how bad i think it would be to live with his Dad!

Tortoise apologies again for hijacking your thread but thank you to all who replied. I will leave now because I don't want to detract anymore from Tortoise thread as it is a serious issue and needs to be the sole focus of the posters on this thread. I guess I should start my own as I have some questions, but I don't think I can bring myself to do that.

Yes chipmonkey, I am the girl.

Tortoise. All the very best again to all of your family. No doubt with time and professional help the situation will resolve itself and you will come stronger as a family unit....oh and you ex is a twit!