Newborn wont sleep in cot/moses basket

[Mena1]

Hi,

We have just got our newborn home this saturday and so far he is refusing to sleep anywhere other than in our arms or on the bed.

Everytime we have tried to get him to sleep in the cot he lasts abut 5 seconds before starting to get unsettled.

He has been feeding every 45 mins or so during the evenings and about 1.5hrs during the day. He seems to be feeding well and latching on properly so I dont think it is hunger related but wondered if anyone had similar experiences.

It is killing us at the moment as we havent slept for about 4 days because we cant get him to lay down anywhere other than the bed which means we are worried about sleeping on it as well.

Any thoughts?

IME the moses basket is a total waste of money. Both DCs outgrew it in about a week - they start waving their arms around and hitting the sides. Have you got a cot to try instead?

Also - try swaddling. It really does calm newborns it seems. At one point (around 3/4 mo for me) they hated it but at first it really works. Also don't forget a dark room, a quiet place, perhaps some soft music. It all sets a scene.

Finally, if you know they are not hungry, dirty, cold or hot, or overstimulated, you need to know that a bit of fussing is normal. Babies need to learn how to fall asleep on their own and it involves some crying. Comfort them but allow them enough time to try to fall asleep before you leap in. 5 seconds is way too quick :)

How about co-sleeping for a while or rolling the cot right up to your bed, with the side down, so you can reach for him as you doze? He's a bit too young yet for learning to settle himself, imo. There are some who see the first three months as a fourth trimester, where closeness to the parents, the continuous physical contact, as very beneficial. It certainly seems to be what some babies are happiest with.

He will need to feed just as much during the night as during the day for a few months, so having him close to where you sleep may well work out very handy, and feeding him in bed with you is much cosier and warmer than sitting up in a chair for a few hours a night in another room during the cold months.

You're going to exhaust yourselves if you don't get a bit of sleep. Go with the flow for the newborn period, and sleep in the bed together or at least in the same room -- the cot right alongside your bed is a great solution, plus swaddling.

Congratulations

My 6 week old has just started to get over this. I believe it is trapped wind in his case where he wants to be upright 'cos lying on his back hurts. He goes blue around his mouth too, which indicates wind.

I have got better at winding him now and try to pass him to other people who have aknack for it as much as possible. Also, his digestivesystem is maturing, so he copes better with it.

Mighht not be the same in your case, but worth thinking about. You could adjust your diet to help him out, i.e. no curries

Good luck

Sounds pretty standard, TBH! I agree with mathanxiety - try sleeping with the cot pulled right up to the bed so you can get your arm in there with him and cuddle him during the night if you don't want to co-sleep. Sling him as much as possible during the day too - he needs the physical contact and the sound of your heartbeat.

Also if he continues to need cuddling in order to sleep I would do shifts with your DP - no reason for both of you to be awake all the time!

DS1 was like this, from the moment he was born. A lovely midwife showed me how to co-sleep safely whilst in the hospital and probably saved my sanity!

Swaddling sometimes worked, I used to wedge him in the moses basket with a soft toy either side of him.

I think he just wanted to be back in my tummy!!

Also - warm sheets and blankets! Run them through the dryer or hang over a raditor for a few seconds.

*minutes, even

Swaddling worked for me with the dses - partly because of the feeling of security and comfort it gave, and partly (I believed) because the blanket swaddling them warmed up whilst I cuddled/fed them, and then insulated them from the cold moses basket when I put them down again.

I also co-slept sometimes too - that helped. Or, with the younger two (when I had learned by experience from ds1), I would sit on the couch with the ds cuddled safely in my arms, and watch tv or drowse - that helped too, because even though I wasn't asleep, I was resting.

Perfectly normal. And will be for some time to come. Your DS has spent 9 months listening to your heartbeat, in a warm dark place. Silence and a cold cot isn't normal for him, sleeping in your arms or on your tummy is. As is regular feeds through the day and night.

Co-sleeping and bfing lying down might help with fatigue.

Can someone just talk me through co-sleeping safely. I dread doing it in case I drop him or roll on him

Yes, don't worry at all about spoiling your DS or him NEVER sleeping in a cot/alone (I worried about this!). We used to sleep with him lying on our chests - take it in turns so you get some decent sleep, though, because you don't really sleep deeply with them there. Prop yourself up on pillows so he's at an angle which will help if he has reflux/indigestion/wind. Use the middle of the bed if you can so he doesn't roll off! I also used to put a pillow under each elbow so I didn't have to hold my arms up; I could cradle him more easily. I never found that cuddling him in the cot worked. He liked to snuggle, and that was it. It's absolutely true that the first months are a shock to them; the more you can do to replicate the womb, the happier they are. And you really aren't setting up bad habits, whatever well meaning grandparents might try to tell you!

After the first few days we moved on to swaddling, and this really helped even though you feel mean about wrapping them up all the time. Get hold of The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp (the DVD is easiest to take in when you're sleep deprived) and use that wrapping technique, as it's aces. John Lewis and Mothercare sell lovely flannel sheets that are ideal for swaddling - softer than a cotton sheet and more snuggly.

I know it sounds stupid but try to enjoy this bit of being a parent as it doesn't last, and we have very happy memories of our little boy snoozing on us. It was a tough time, though - you have my sympathies as well as my congratulations. It all gets better and easier and more fun as you go along! Basically, you all just need to survive this bit.

I didn't do co-sleeping but from what I've read you're actually super-aware of your baby when they're in the bed with you - even asleep. The evidence is that you curl protectively around them and sleep that way. There are huge warnings around not smoking, drinking or taking anything that might decrease your awareness, but without those factors rolling onto your baby is incredibly rare. I'm sure someone who's co-slept could share their experience.

Just to add, you can get books on co-sleeping so have a trawl on Amazon if you're interested. One of the local midwives told me that it was a cultural thing and Somali women just kick their husbands out for the first year so they can sleep with the baby in comfort - they don't bother with a cot at all! (Feel free to contradict this, anyone who is Somali or knows better - she was slightly mad, so might have made it up. But it made me feel better about tucking DS into our bed now and then.)

We never did official co-sleeping, so don't feel you are choosing that path irrevocably if you do take him into bed now and then. But some people find they love it.

We had exactly the same with ds1. To save our sanity we did co-sleep for the first couple of weeks. It was something I had been determined not to do, but I realised there is no such thing as a perfect mum, and I decided I shouldn't beat myself up if I needed to make compromises and actually get some sleep!!

But I did feel nervous having him in the bed, and never really slept properly tbh.

Once we were out of the first few weeks and felt a bit more human we worked on trying to settle him in his moses basket. We started by transfering him ever so gently into in while he was asleep, then once he got used to that we moved on to putting him down while he was awake; he would usually start to cry, but with a bit of rocking would eventually go off.

We bought a baby sleeping bag so we didn't have the added complication of swaddling vs. kicking off blankets. It made baby transfer much easier!

By seven weeks he was sleeping through the night in the moses basket, so I think it worked for us.

Incidentally, neither dd1 or dd2 ever had any problem sleeping alone, just ds1.

My dd was the same - would never want to sleep in a moses basket. I spent night after night trying to get her to sleep and nearly went mad with sleep deprivation.

I started co-sleeping out of desperation and ended up absolutely loving it. The first couple of weeks I did feel really aware of her in the bed. I used to put a cot side/bed guard that you can buy to put on toddlers beds on one side and dd would sleep inbetween me and the cot side.

I also learned to breastfeed on my side - so when she did wake up to feed I latched her on (or a few weeks later she would latch on herself) and then I would immediately go back to sleep. I soon started to feel so much better that I was having a lovely full nights sleep every night.

A few people did say that i was making a 'rod for my own back' and that she would never sleep on her own. However, when she was about 18 months we bought her her own bed and he went into it really easily and slept all night. She started sleeping through quite quickly but by this time I didn't feel a rush to move her out of my bed! She was so lovely and snuggly.

When dd2 was born - I didn't even bother getting the moses basket out of the attic and she came straight into my bed. She's now 18 months and we're making a new bedroom for the girls to share and she is going into the bottom bunk. Sob!

My DD's were both the same, and with both we created a "nest" for them, just rolled up a spare sheet and made an oval (or half oval shape if they were big babes like mine), placed it on the mattress and then placed the crib/cot sheet over this. It worked a treat, I think it just gave them that extra bit of closeness in the big beds they weren't used to IYSWIM. We had to do this when they first went in the crib and then again at 6 months when we moved them into the cot.

I wouldn't do it once they roll a lot in their sleep and just make sure its not too close to their head.

I'm sure you can actually buy things that do the same job.

With DD1 we also coslept for half the night, I wouldn't like to offer any advice but I will second learning to feed lying down, it was a saviour. DD1 fed constantly at night for first 6 weeks, in fact fed more at night than during the day, but it does get better and sleep does come easier...eventually! :)

Have you tried a bedside cot?

We had the same with dd and she would cry if we ever put her down. If she was deeply deeply asleep, I tried to put her down ever so gently and then walk away. Within 2 minutes she was awake and bawling. So I slept with her on my chest and it was lovely. I had the duvet over my legs, then tied her onto my chest with her cot sheet and blanket. She was on her tummy but my breathing regulated hers and the first time we did it, after 3 weeks of no sleep, we both slept 3 1/2 hours straight. After that we co slept. Oh, and get a good cloth sling, such as a Hug-a-Bub, which will help during the day. You can even learn to bf in a sling, which is fantastic with a baby who needs to feed often.

There is a Dr Sears book, The Fussy Baby Book, which I wish i had read when she was little, but only read when my second high intensity baby was born. It may help. Try the library for a copy.

Good luck; it does get easier.

The High Needs Baby by Dr Sears saved my sanity when DD3 was little.

One thing that DH and I found very interesting in the first few weeks after DD was born was the sheer number of times one or both of us would wake up absolutely cast-iron convinced that she was in the bed and we'd lost her somewhere. As I said earlier, we didn't co-sleep but it made both of us wonder whether there's a part of your brain that 'knows' deep down there's a baby around and expects it to be in the bed with you. So you wake up in a panic at having misplaced it! I'd be really interested to know if anyone else has had this because it's not something I've read anywhere!

Octaviapink, that happened to me so often in the first few months! Those first few seconds....what a panic!

This is standard newborn behavior co sleeping has saved many a mothers sanity.

Try swaddling, it can make a huge difference!

Octaviapink, I had that 'where's the baby!' panic too a few times, and I know other mothers who did too. Weird! Nature is wonderful.

I also read that you 'see' your baby everywhere in the first few weeks. I burst into tears watching an ad for recycling mobile phones because the animated phone reminded me of the baby. But it was when my milk came in and I was crying at everything...

I have an 8 week dd2 who still only sleeps beside me in bed or on me. Dd1 was the same. Like others, I co-sleep and use a sling for a good few hours a day. Dd1 grew out of it, and I'm sure dd2 will too. I'm enjoying it this time, actually. Ok, so I can't get anything done and it's a bit intense at times, but it's so short-lived and lovely and snuggly.