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opinions on this naming day poem

3 replies

susssiq · 28/03/2010 19:41

ui have translated and redone this from swedish as I have the swedish version in my head it is hard to hear if it makes sense and is ok opinions please!!!!!!

beloved child you came to us and clutched our hearts with awe.
At once everything had more meaning, far more than ever before.

small feet and tiny fingers, your skin and your smell, all the cute little things that you do.
your smile makes you glow, your soul shines so bright, all so wonderfully you.

We will follow your life and be there for you, share in your joy and despair.
when shadows threaten you sunshine, know that we will always be there.

Today we want to show family and friends this gift we've been given to adore.
a child to love and protect a treasure to big to ignore.

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singalongamumum · 28/03/2010 19:45

Mostly really good....

Just:
when shadows threaten you sunshine, know that we will always be there.

Do you mean 'your sunshine'? Otherwise it sounds like you're calling the baby sunshine, which is a bit East End!!!

susssiq · 28/03/2010 19:59

meant to be your :-)

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susssiq · 29/03/2010 15:39

bump any more opinions?

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