Would you tell your husband if a child was not his? Or would you take the secret to the grave if there was no way anyone would ever find out?

[PalmaBeach]

Lets say you are married and already have one child with youre husband. Say if you cheated on a bussiness trip it was a short fling and the man lives in a diffrent city you will definetly never see him again.

Let's say you get pregnant by the other man. If you (like it's not possible in real live) but if you knew it would never come out that the baby isn't youre husbands. Like the child didn't have any health issues where it could come out.

Would you tell him anyway or take the secret to the grave.

@maybemaybenot17363

So did the grandpa never find out that the 2 eldest were not his

2 cases i know of, both got found out, through gossip. Children were probably 5 and 8 years old. Both times the child was the one who was most devastated. The Dads after having been a Dad to the children since birth, still continued to be their Dad. Both marriages broke up. One family had another younger child and the second, 2 other children, one older and one younger.
It is a very cruel thing for a woman to do to a man and especially their child.

I would tell him. Even if it wasn't to be honest, in this day and age, there's too much risk of it coming out in future through DNA tests (medically required or Ancestry). I couldn't live with always wondering if the truth is going to drop and the consequences of that. It's fairer to my husband to be honest anyway, but for myself and my child, knowing that these things may come out and do more damage later, I would need to make sure that was taken care of before it can happen. I'd hate to live life effectively looking over my shoulder all the time.

My kids don’t look anything like their dad. They’re both fair like me, he is dark. We had IVF, so barring some mix-up I’m pretty sure they’re his!

Of course it could come out. People do 23 and me and would immediately see their siblings was not as biologically related as would be expected.

I know someone who done this, she went through a rough patch with the husband and wanted to leave him and then blurted ‘they aren’t even yours’. He is still with her.
I agree it should be a crime myself.

What an awful person you would be to not tell especially for the child. You would be one shit parent

Also, this thread reminds me of Khloe Kardashian.

I wouldnt do it just wanted to see what other mumseters would say. I just that I'll post this hypothetical question cos I seen another threat on here where everyone was advising some woman to take a 2+ years affair to the grave so that seems OK with most peopel on her and I wanted to see how far they would go. Apparently it dosent matter because as long as the husband dosent find out he is not hurt. So then it shouldn't matter if a women lies about this because as long as the child never finds out they won't be hurt over it ither.

Why

I would never cheat on my husband in the first place but if I ever did for whatever reason I would want the child to know who their biological father is, so I wouldn’t keep it a secret. If I’d got to the point where I was cheating on my husband, I doubt we would stay together anyway.

I recall finding out my middle aunt has an impossible blood type, AB when grandad was A and Granny was O. Nobody else in the family understood genetics though, so my questioning it didn't get anywhere. My grandmother was particularly odd to this aunt.

Yes. The child has an absolute right to know who his father is and it will totally mess them if lied to.

I agree. This site is full off crazy nut jobs tho. So I just posted this cos I wanted to see what they would say. I often see othere threats on here and most of them advise women to hide 1+ 2+ affairs. And then I look at some other threat where some asks if thery would want to know if their partner had a one night stand that was never reapeted he was deeply sorry and a grat partner apart from this. And about 67% vote in the pool that they would want to know so that they could leave. They always seem entitled to everything but give nothing back.

Which might never happen

This is a surprisingly common scenario. I’m a genealogist and it’s very common that people find their dad isn’t their dad, or their grandfather isn’t their grandfather for example through DNA testing. When the people concerned are no longer around we of course cannot find out if the conception was consensual, but you really would be surprised to find how many people are tracing family trees that don’t biologically belong to them.

For what it’s worth, I would never cheat and if I somehow ever ended up in that scenario I would tell. These lies destroy lives and I’ve seen it happen too many times. The pain lasts generations.

Personally I probably would tell as I am not good at keeping secrets. I think that this was reasonably common percentage wise, but much more chance of discovery today.

One of my friends found out in her mid-60s, through Ancestry, that her supposed father isn't her biological father. Her parents and the biological father are both dead, so she can't even talk to them about it. I think there will be a lot more of this sort of thing in the future. The time has passed where these sort of things can be likely taken to the grave, so might as well fess up.

My cousins wife did it twice and the fall out was devastating for everyone. It's not something I'd consider anyway its so easy to find out these days

So you don't think it would be wrong to let youre husband belive that a child that is not his is his and let him raise it. Youre only worried about the child. Like I'm a woman too so no one could trick me. But just from looking at the sytuation from the child's shoes and the parents shoes. I would actually find it more hurtful if somene made me belife that a child that wasynt mine was and let me raise it than if I found out that my dad wasynt really my dad as an adult.

Abortions are still a thing

Like why the fuck would you grow the random offspring of a one night stand that's mental

I absolutely do think it would be wrong to pretend to your husband that a child was his yes. I was trying to point out I guess that whilst that is wrong, it isn’t just the husband to think about it is also about the child, it’s not fair to lie to them too.

This happened to one of my relatives, their mother had an affair when married, got pregnant, didn’t tell anyone the child wasn’t her husbands, 45 years later the truth came out (can’t remember how, possibly guilt) and said relative has found it so hard to come to terms with it. They always felt a disconnect with their ‘dad’ and they always felt that growing up they didn’t fit in, like something wasn’t right. They’re a grown adult but have struggled so much with the fact their mum who they love lied to them, that the person they thought was their dad wasn’t and that they missed out on knowing their real dad for years as well as their siblings.

So no I wouldn’t keep it a secret from my husband for many reasons.

To be honest I could never cheat. If I wasn’t happy and fancied another man I’d have to be honest that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and leave my husband.

I can understand why hiding this, or sometimes being unsure of the parentage and not bothering to find out, was somewhat common in the past. But with the current state of technology, I would assume that the secret is almost certainly going to come out at some point. Even leaving ethics aside completely and focusing on practicality and tangible consequences I'd rather deal with it now than 15-20 years from now with the added baggage of my having deceived multiple people (not just my spouse and the child, but siblings, grandparents, extended family, the actual biodad and his family - loads of people, at least by omission.

if I knew it would never come out, secret to the grave. why ruin lives by telling?