I have just received a letter from Virgin Mobile

[OrmIrian]

which addresses me as "Hey Kate".

I want to write back and say "Do I know you?" but I'm not sure I could write in a sufficiently withering tone.

Message withdrawn

Do, do! I often send back stupid letters with sarcastic notes on, the secret is to just keep it short and sweet.

Send back the same letter with your note at the top/ bottom, wherever there's a space.

Just write 'Do I know you?" and sign it Kate (if that's your name). They're bound to leave you alone. If they keep hassling you, next time send it back - to Beardy Branson.

I suspect that my ability to quell upstarts with a word is due to my voice - quite posh and can be very ice-maiden when I wish. Works a treat. I tend to sound too conciliatory in letters.

Oooh I hate that too. I wrote and complained to Channel 4 once and they sent me an equally matey over familiar reply using my first name. I wound me up even more

I hate all that pseudo chumminess. Like when you get those cold callers asking 'how are you today?'

I wouldn't mind 'how are you today' if they really meant it. 'Crap weather we're having' would be preferable - at least it would be more realistic.