Could you forgive ...

[chocmonster112]

Could you forgive your partner of 7 years of having a brief affair with someone and the other woman having his baby?
We have 3 children together, he doesn't want anything to do with the other child.

Dont look for a woman to blame for a man being an entitled jerk. We have no idea what his mother has tried to do with his upbringing, all we know now is she won't go against his wishes in this matter. She could be intimidated or fear losing contact with her other GC. The very fact she wants contact tells us she has decency and responsibility so it's very unfair to knee jerk to her being the reason her son is the way he is. We don't need to examine women for 'clues' to male bad behaviour. They manage it all by themselves without it being our fault.

Well maybe he should have thought of that before having unprotected sex with a random woman then.

No I couldn’t forgive either the affair or the callousness of rejecting his own child.

Sadly he doesn't have that choice. If he had he kept his cock in his pants he wouldn't be in this position. Unfortunately for all of you,he didn't. I couldn't forgive any part of it. You can co parent successfully as separate people. I could not stand being in the same house, never mind the same bed, as a man who had behaved in this way.

Wow, this one man has 3 women (you, OW and his mum) tiptoeing and fussing around him. The drama! He must love all the attention from women he gets,

Firstly the OW and her DC are not your concern. They are nothing to you. She slept with a married father, and had his baby. I’m sorry for the child, but they have their mum and her family to help. I’d stop talking to her immediately. You have enough on your plate. Also his mum. Don’t bother with her.

Stop the drama. Get your finances in order, keep him kicked out, and limit the toxic nonsense he brings to your life. Tell him you don’t want to hear from him unless it’s something to do with your DC.

Well he shouldn't have shagged someone else.
What a prize cunt.

Well, tough shit. He has two families.
He should have thought of that instead of thinking with his dick.

Well, tough shit. He has two families.
He should have thought of that instead of thinking with his dick.

There will be more to this story than he is telling you.

Is he sure the baby is his? What reason did she give for wanting to sleep with a married man and have his child despite him wanting nothing to do with either of them?

Not me. But a friend of mine forgave his affair and had another child together after the affair. He also washed his hand off the affair child (just paying the maintenance). She seems happy now, she’s very focused on her kids.

What a repulsive man he is. Luckily he doesn't get to choose to walk away from his financial responsibilities to his children. I thought there were laws in place to prevent this?
As for not being present in their lives, that's disgraceful.
I would not be able to forgive him.

No I couldnt. He should have wrapped it if he wanted to be unfaithful and not get OW pregnant. Now it will hit him in his finances as well. What a mess. He's an idiot.

What makes him think he gets a say in whether his mum builds a relationship with the child? Is he paying maintenance for the child?

I couldn't stay with a man who got another woman pregnant - he cared so little for you and his existing children that he didn't even bother to protect you from this, by wearing a condom. It's a betrayal of your children as much as you and I'd find that impossible to forgive him for.

As for the baby - you don't need to argue the ow case or have any sympathy for her. She deliberately brought her own child into this shit show of a situation. She knew he was married, he told her he wasn't interested in being a parent to this child and she got pg dnd went ahead with it regardless. She's as selfish as he is and it's her own fault that her baby doesn't have a dad.

The baby and your own dc are the innocent parties, but you can't force a man to love a baby - ultimately the child is better off not knowing him. He's a scummy piece of shit.

It is often the case though that men only care about the kids when they care about the mother.

I would never ever stay with a man who would reject his child. He doesn't want two families? Poor man. Too bad he didn't prevent that by a) not having an affair or b) using proper contraception/STI prevention.

I'd never forgive this. The affair is secondary to the rest. He's revealed what type of man he is. Take note.

I personally think forcing someone to have a child against their wishes is quite emotionally abusive, whether it is a man or a woman.

I’m sure there were other men out there who would have WILLINGLY raised a child with the other woman, or at least WILLINGLY donated their sperm for the purpose of this woman giving birth to a child. Would a mother forced to carry a pregnancy to term be judged for not wanting to raise/bond with the baby? His duty is to pay child support which is fair enough as it’s to support the material well-being of the child.

A woman correctly has the complete right to decide whether a pregnancy is brought to term. But expecting a man to willingly jump on board for 18 years+ of emotional and mental bonding with a child he was 100% against having is illogical. He made his feeling crystal clear but the ow decided to proceed with the pregnancy anyway - which is her right of course, but hardly conducive to a happy 18 years of co parenting. I’d dump him anyway though for the emotional affair.

Well he should have thought about that when he shoved his dick in two women!
But no, I wouldn't forgive him. Not at all. He's a scumbag.

This exact same situation happened to a work colleague of mine. He cheated on his partner of 5 years with another work colleague. She got pregnant, his partner stayed with him on the proviso he had nothing to do with the child. He agreed and never saw his own daughter grow up. Very sad.

In a word, no. My father also couldn't be arsed with his firstborn son after his mother (sensibly) left him and he took up afresh with a new family: us. My mother and grandfather were devastated by it but he refused to listen to them, saying only that he (my elder brother) 'knows where I am'. There was no recognition on his part that the onus is on the parents to assume responsibility for their child.

Likely on account of the fact that we were the ones who had to live with our father, my younger sibling and I did not have as happy a home life as our elder half-brother. We were also all three deprived of a childhood relationship with all our siblings.

We never forgave our father.

I could forgive the affair. I could never forgive him abandoning his innocent child. He'd be dead to me after thst.

@anotherside I don't think anyone forced him to have sex with another woman

Well maybe he should have thought of the consequences before he shagged another woman without contraception. Its hardly a news flash that unprotected sex causes babies.

The fact a woman is the one who doesn’t want to terminate isn’t a get out of jail free card for a feckless bloke.

Of course not - his behaviour was careless and immoral. But I also think it’s extremely immoral looking to get pregnant (often with lies about contraception) with a man who you know doesn’t want to become a father. Men are often stupid and think with their dicks, but let’s not pretend that this doesn’t suit women like the OW here very well.

I don't know if I've missed a post, why is he stupid and careless whereas she's an immoral liar?

No and no.

And seeking to have nothing to do with his 4th child would make me lose any lingering shred of respect that might have remained.

I couldn't forgive him for wanting nothing to do with his own child. I could never see him in the same light again. The cruelty and selfishness of that is unforgiveable. That poor child.