Could you forgive ...

[chocmonster112]

Could you forgive your partner of 7 years of having a brief affair with someone and the other woman having his baby?
We have 3 children together, he doesn't want anything to do with the other child.

@FairCrow , I think asking a woman to become friends with the ow , in this situation is asking a lot .

I think I would actually become friends with the OW, mainly because it would piss off the XH!

But also if you believe that she was also being lied to, then she has also been a victim of this selfish prick - you’ve both been saddled with the sack of shit as a dad to your DCs and it would be lovely for the siblings to be able to have a relationship, but as he’s clearly too selfish to make it happen it will be on the mothers to facilitate it.

Not saying you have to be besties, but if you can build a civil relationship to foster a bond between the DCs you will be doing the best for them.

He probably will but so what?

Not your problem.

You can't make him become a decent person.

All you can do is to act in the best interests of yourself and the children.

I agree with your position that you need time to process this and stepping away from the OW in the short term is needed.

But I would explain that to her and that in the future you are open to working with her to get the best outcome from all 4 children - but right now you need space to sort out a life without him.

He can try paint whatever picture he likes. But everyone will understand that his wife and another woman were both pregnant at the same time, had babies one month apart. There’s no story in the world with a reasonable explanation, that doesn’t make him look like a twat. Everyone will see him for what he is.

On a side note - you do not need his permission for the other baby to be a part of your children’s lives. They are half siblings and if you and the OW want to have a civil and amicable relationship, allow the children to see each other every now and then, there is nothing he can do to stop it.

Ow may have been lied to but she still chose to sleep with someone who was still legally married and living in the family home. I think she believed what she wanted to believe - any decent woman wouldn't have touched him with a 10 ft pole!
I wouldn't rush to be her friend - she still colluded in screwing you over!
But the more detail you post, the more repugnant your husband sounds. Fwiw I don't think he'll be able to spin any of this in a positive light - his wife and ow both pregnant at the same time? Theres no way to make that sound less disgusting.