Could you forgive ...

[chocmonster112]

Could you forgive your partner of 7 years of having a brief affair with someone and the other woman having his baby?
We have 3 children together, he doesn't want anything to do with the other child.

Bearing in mind men can have a child without even knowing of its existence. It is not totally surprising they don’t always want to be involved. However, it is massively irresponsible, he shouldn’t be having unprotected sex if he doesn’t want another child (he also shouldn’t be having sex with anyone else when married). Presumably he will have to be financially responsible even if he isn’t emotionally involved at all.

I could probably forgive him because I realise humans make colossally stupid mistakes but I wouldn’t have much respect for him and I may fall out of love with him. It would also be quite hard to remain faithful to a man who did this to me because there wouldn’t be much reason to.

Any man that can turn their back on their own child is not a man that’s worth a second thought. He cheated on you, got another woman pregnant then abandoned her and the baby. He’s a pathetic worthless waste of space that adds nothing positive to anyone’s life.

No.

He repeatedly put his penis inside another woman.

He pretended to be somewhere else when he was with her.

He shit on our marriage vows.

He showed no respect for me, no compassion and no love.

He was careless with contraception whilst repeatedly having it off with another woman.

He wants nothing to do with a child that he helped create.

NO!

Why would I forgive anyone for the above? The fact he doesn't want anything to do with the child he fathered is beyond despicable. That alone would anger me every single day.

He's a lowlife and he will cheat again and again and again.

No.

He's panicking at the moment, his attitude may well change. I hope so for the child's sake.

I could forgive the affair but whether I would be prepared to continue with him is another matter. It would take a lot of time to regain trust and obviously the new child would be a constant reminder, poor little kid.

Good luck.

I could possibly forgive an affair (difficult to say as it’s hypothetical and I’m a single mum, happy that way) but I couldn’t forgive the way he’s treating the OW and baby. If I was his mother I’d kick him into touch and I’d certainly be having a relationship with my grandchild. It would be my own flesh and blood. My eldest was rejected by his father and his fathers family were in touch for 4yrs and then stopped contact. I can tell you that it hurts him and has impacted on his adult life for sure.

If I was you I’d never allow this man back into your family. I’d have zero respect for him, and zero trust. I’d tell the OW to put a claim in for maintenance and do one for yourself too. I’d also let the OW know I’d like my children to have a relationship with their half sibling. Your ex might have abandoned this poor baby but it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to. I’d co-parent with him, but I certainly wouldn’t be letting him back in my bed. He doesn’t want 2 families? Well he can have none. Bet he thinks he can convince you to forgive him. Please don’t OP.

Slightly different here , my ex abandoned our dd , for ow and the child he had with her . I think advice about reaching out to the ow , very much depends on how she is to deal with . In my case her and ex were so toxic dd 1 has been better off without them.

A man who abandones his child and wants nothing to do with them?

No. Scum of the earth and I wouldn't even be friends with someone like that.

He is clearly a man with no integrity.

Just to say OP that you have not 1 but 3 children yourself - including a very young baby.

So gently saying please please look after yourself and your kids first - as everyone else here didn't care about your existance when they knew you were there.

Been there... and so understand you are numb now however - in time you will absolutely feel the anger and will know what they mean when they say hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

In whatever shape or form it takes for you, now is the time to focus on you and your kids welfare.

This . It’s disgusting .
shows what women are like too . Wanting the man to have nothing to do with the chil to suit them .

Too late OP too late . That’s what he has and he shouldn’t have did what he did and he wouldn’t be in the situation.

Clearly you think it’s ok.
what did you say about the other baby ? About the brother or sister to your children ???

'He doesn’t want 2 families? Well he can have none.'

This. Frankly, the fact that he thinks anything now, in the mess he has created, is or should be about what he wants is indicative of his character, and it's not a character I could ever have respect and affection for again.

That poor child.

Why does he get to decide ?
The “nan” is as bad as him !
If it was my son I’d be stepping up for the child since my son was a low life embarrassment .

Give the child a family Op let it have a man and brothers and sister.

Your husband needs to be and ex and on the sidelines . He has made his decisions you all need to make yours .

Be the decent people in this. .

No. Get legal advice and child support. Move on. He has no respect for you.

This woman is not your friend OP - She was sleeping with your husband whilst you were pregnant.

The cheek to even be on the phone crying to you when your babies are a month apart?

I wonder what she had to say when you told her you had a baby the same age? Not to mention the other two children.

Find your anger and sort your own situation, don't let either of them pull the wool over your eyes.

So sorry you are going through this and wish you much strength. I hope your family can also support you emotionally and with physical help.

An affair is bad enough but fathering another child during that affair is a step too far and I wouldn’t be able to forgive. You’ve been together 7 years so your own children must still be very young. You deserve better

It’s nothing to do with “caring” for the children he has with his wife - if he cared about them he wouldn’t be sticking his dick in another woman, risking their mother’s health and sticking a detonator under his whole familys life.

This is a man who has wanted his fun, played Russian roulette with his sperm not giving a fuck about the consequences and now it’s backfired wants to run home to his wife and hide from his responsibilities.

I would t be surprised if he fed the ow a load of bullshit about how he wants to be with her and his marriage is “dead in the water”. That’s what they usually say, they lie to the ow too to get what they want. If they were upfront and said “I’ve no intention of leaving my wife, I just want a casual fuck” no woman would go near them.

A man who cared about his wife and children's lives wouldn’t do any of this.

im not surprised you’re in shock op - he’s a grade a twat, a nasty lowlife and a coward - and you’re realising the man you married is a liar and a fake.

No. I'm appalled to hear you say he doesn't want anything to do with the child like that's a point in his favour.

If you read her other posts, it is very clear that she despises him for abandoning his child and that she is actually supporting the OW who is distraught about his decision.

If you read all OP's posts,it is clear that doesn't think it is OK. She is disgusted with his decision to abandon the baby.

Prioritise yourself and your children. This is not a time to be thinking about him, the OW or their child. Don’t take responsibility for him, look after yourself.

Clearly you need to read her comments up thread because she never once said it was ok at all.

Which women are you referring too here? If you mean her DH's mother who will go along with his wishes, you are correct.

If you mean the OP, you are wrong as she has said:

'I definitely look at him differently and have lost respect for him, I've spoken to the ow on the phone and she's devastated that he is not stepping up and I told her I didn't understand it and even though she is the ow, I've tried fighting her corner for her but to no avail'

Nope. What a creep.

Is your partner Kyle Walker?