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Am I the only MNer who...

182 replies

amialoneinthis · 14/11/2004 20:57

... would have a problem with dh/dp masturbating or watching porn or going to a strip club?

I'm always amazed at the relaxed attitude on here - recently seen again on a couple of threads.
Dh and I don't have a lot of sex, due to children, tiredness etc. I'm still 99% certain that dh does none of the above things. I couldn't bear it if he watched any porn. My rational side wouldn't see masturbating as a problem, but I would still hate it.

OP posts:
Munnzieb · 15/11/2004 18:04

each to their own I think at the end of the day?

alexsmum · 15/11/2004 18:31

For me,the stripclub thing is absolutely unacceptable.Just no way.
The porn thing has been a major cause of rows in our relationship.Especially when i found out he had been viewing internet porn while refusing to have sex with me when I was pregnant.He said it meant nothing,and as it meant so much to me that he was doing this he stopped.AND YES HE DID STOP!Masturbating,well I don't see this as a problem.From conversations I have had with men they don't 'think' in the same way that perhaps we do when doing the deed.They more concentrate on the feeling if you see what I mean.I think trying to stop someone doing this is like trying to stop them scratching their own arm iyswim.I also think men masturbate for reasons other than feeling sexy .My dh does it if he can't sleep,as it's guaranteed to knock him out afterwards.
I know what amIalone means about relaxed attitudes on here.I think there is a lot of' boys wil be boys'attitude on here which excuses men for some quite appalling behaviour which we wouldn't accept from another woman.

alexsmum · 15/11/2004 18:35

just wanted to add that dh wouldn't want to go to a stripclub either,has backed out of a stag night because that was on the agenda.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:35

Well I don't have the 'boys will be boys' attitude (ie I don't let dh off the hook from helping round the task but he's crap at it and can't multi-task for example).

When it comes to masturbating and porn though, I do think the majority look at it and I don't think there is anything wrong with it so long as nothing deviant is involved.

If I had a problem with it, I would not accept the 'boys will boys' attitude

Does that make sense? I suspect not!

Munnzieb · 15/11/2004 18:36

lol,@alexmum, I like that idea actually of it knocking them out!, DH seems to think it make him (whispers... last longer) still, as i say each to their own.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:39

'round the house' I should say!

What's wrong with a strip club on a stag do? The only people that didn't want to go when dh had his stag do were those worried about what their partners thought. A few of those who went told dh to please keep it quiet or they'd be in deep trouble with their dp's - hence a few of those dp's believe to this day that they didn't go and I know that they did!

And before you all pile on me - I'm not saying your dhs are lying, you know them better than me. I'm just saying I do know men that swear they don't wank/look at porn/go into a lapdancing club on a stag do because they know what the response will be. I've no doubt there'll be a minority that genuinely don't want to (but I'm struggling with it!)

Munnzieb · 15/11/2004 18:39

you know thou, my DH never helped around the house, and in the end I snapped big style, we now do one of two things either he does upstairs and i do down, (then I go and check to see it's all been done right!) or I do all teh house and he does the cooker and scrubs the carpets, works well for us and he does the washing etc... (he won't iron my shirts as women have 'extra fabric as he puts it!) but still thou, he's not the typical man who lazes about teh house, but when he does I can't very well moan as he's already done his share of teh house work ifswim?

hmb · 15/11/2004 18:41

As my dddh says there are two types of men, wankers and liers

spacemonkey · 15/11/2004 18:43

Masturbation is healthy and normal imo, for men and women. I can understand someone having a problem with porn and strip clubs although frankly I haven't got a problem with it. My dp has a porn collection, and has never made a secret of it. And I know for a fact he's delved into all that any red light district may have to offer in his time. I have reservations about the whole sex industry thing too, and yet I have watched porn and enjoyed it, so this is an interesting discussion for me because I'm not sure what my stance is or should be. Of course I would never condone anyone being coerced into anything against their will, and the sex trafficking trade horrifies me.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:44

Hey hmb - someone else said that earlier!

lou33 · 15/11/2004 18:45

My dh has a porn collection too. We watch it together, he watches it alone. He is still a decent male.

hmb · 15/11/2004 18:47

Damn, must be going blind

Must be honest tho, I hate all porn.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:48

Well it's not for me either hmb but if dh wants to watch it, tragic though it is, it's fine by me!

alexsmum · 15/11/2004 18:54

Does anyone remember the rabbi who used to give relationship advice on Richard & Judy when they did the morning show?(yes yes I know it's terribly sad!)He was really good and I remember him talking about spicing up your sex life once and he was saying that dressing up in sexy lingerie is great, you are adorning your own body and making it more attractive etc,but watching porn is bad for a relationship because you are getting aroused by someone other than you partner.That is how I feel about it.If your partner gets aroused by watching someone else and then has sex with you, then it kind of makes you just a sperm receptacle, rather than the object of their desire.

spacemonkey · 15/11/2004 18:57

i don't agree with that - i can't think of any porn films i've watched where i've actually fancied the participants. It's more about fantasy and voyeurism imo.

lou33 · 15/11/2004 19:07

I disagree too. It isn't fancying the people in the film, but more about what is going on, and translating it into real life. As sm said, most people in porn films aren't that attractive, until very recently .

NomDePlume · 15/11/2004 19:22

I posted a massive thread about my DH tugging to internet porn about 6 months or so ago. I was pretty affronted by it, when I look back it seems quite amusing to me that I was so geniunely upset by it. Now, I'm fairly relaxed re the porn thing, I know he does it and that's fine.

With regards to 'strip clubs', I would have no real problem with it being a once in a blue moon type thing. I used to be a lap dancer when I was 18 and I know that the majority of the girls are either married with kids, in a LTR, or just generally quite 'pitying' of the clients !

Masturbation is great ! I'd be majorly p*ssed off if DH attempted to veto me doing it, so I wouldn't impose the same on his private activities !

fisil · 15/11/2004 19:41

amialoneinthis, no you're not (well, not quite)

Until I met dp I had no strong feelings on porn, it was not something that I could ever be bothered to form opinions on. However, dp is a real thinker, and his academic background is in philosophy, and he is more of a feminist than me (and I'm pretty feminist). He is strongly against porn, has bought academic polemics on the subject in the past, and has often argued very strongly and passionately against porn. In none of these arguments has he mentioned anything sexual or to do with his own sex drive - he sees it as exploitation and as wrong. As I say, I have no strong views, and even now would not have a problem with him having porn (although I would feel sad that he had argued so cogently against it and done it anyway - I would feel his intellectual credentials were lacking, and that would upset me more).

He would go along on a stag night, if invited. And if it involved a strip club, I'm sure he'd go along, because he is a friendly type of bloke. However, most stag nights he goes on involve lots of eating and drinking, chatting and laughing. When he gets together with his mates he talks about politics or films or books, and thats about it (maybe a bit of cricket), and that's how they enjoy themselves.

I'm sure he masturbates. I haven't been awake enough since ds was born to have noticed! If I was awake I would demand to be involved, cos I quite fancy him! But he does have the lowest sex drive of any man I've ever met. I used to occassionaly worry that maybe that maybe his sex drive was low with me cos he was getting it elsewhere, but you only need to spend two minutes with him to know he's genuine and not hiding anything.

So amialoneinthis, no, I don't think you are.

Dior · 15/11/2004 19:50

Message withdrawn

jampot · 15/11/2004 19:53

Oohh NDP - you were a lap dancer? any stories to tell????

codswallop · 15/11/2004 19:54

a mum ats chool used to be a lap dancer
ors till is I think

codswallop · 15/11/2004 19:54

she has stretch marks

NomDePlume · 15/11/2004 19:55

Yes, I was, and no, not really. Went to work, got my kit off, got paid a v healthy wodge of cash, came home ! Did have a mad stalker fan for a short time but that's about it.

codswallop · 15/11/2004 19:56

did you have to shove your arse in mens faces?

NomDePlume · 15/11/2004 19:56

This was before children and DH. Was at a very 'nice' club, not a seedy, backstreet 'cattle-market' type place.