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Original poster

Am I the only MNer who...

182 replies

amialoneinthis · 14/11/2004 20:57

... would have a problem with dh/dp masturbating or watching porn or going to a strip club?

I'm always amazed at the relaxed attitude on here - recently seen again on a couple of threads.
Dh and I don't have a lot of sex, due to children, tiredness etc. I'm still 99% certain that dh does none of the above things. I couldn't bear it if he watched any porn. My rational side wouldn't see masturbating as a problem, but I would still hate it.

OP posts:
Munnzieb · 14/11/2004 23:06

LMAO, my Dh probably did, but i did the whole insecure thing with him... you know as long as you don't think about other women when youre with me and his reply was ....

a well known fact...men can't think about more than one thing at once..so if he's on the job..he CAN'T think about the stripper he saw in Spearmint Rhino last Thursday at John's stag do...unless he has a video of it and its playing in the bedroom........

(he was talking hypothetically there)

WestCountryLass · 14/11/2004 23:12

Well I know for a fact my DH wanks and gets his rocks off with porn, I have not been with a man that didn't so to me its entirely natural. If he wanted to go to a stip joint for a do (birthday, stag party etc) I would not have a problem with it. Te only problem i'd have with it if he went regularly would be the money spent as we couldn't afford it. To me its just a fantasy, and we all fantisise don't we? (Johnny Depp phwoar!)

Munnzieb · 14/11/2004 23:14

as DH has just said...

big brain for working...little brain for thinking

big brain ie normal brain....little brain ie willy

Daddypops · 14/11/2004 23:23

I am new to mumsnet though my dw spends most of her waking life on it. Anyway, dw has asked me to give my opinion on this thread.

To be honest, I have always had/owned porn, ever since I was about 13 years old and I can honestly say, I don't know a single male who doesn't own their own 'stash'. Some are just better at hiding it than most. Let's face it, as long as it isn't deviant (children, animals etc), then where is the harm? Porn can be very useful when a partner is not interested in sex as it's an easy way of relief and contrary to what many women think, it is no threat to their dw or dp, quite the opposite - it allows someone to get what they need when their partner isn't interested and it's certainly better than actively looking for sex outside the relationship.

Any bloke who says they haven't got any porn is lying (usually this is because they know that their partner will hit the roof so it's easier to lie and say they don't have any or don't need it - ha ha ha - yeah right ! )

Munnzieb · 14/11/2004 23:28

Daddypops - DH says it's all true as well! lol.

Gobbledigook · 14/11/2004 23:29

Hey a new daddy to add to the list!!

JoolsToo · 14/11/2004 23:29

mm interesting - but I looked EVERYWHERE!!!

jampot · 14/11/2004 23:39

Right, dh home from the pub and in his brutally honest way has said that all men wank if they aren't getting enough at home, probably one partner with a high sex drive and the other low. I own porn on dvd and have access to plenty but no mags. Strip clubs are acceptable unless you have a great need for them in which case probably a bit of a problem.

JoolsToo · 14/11/2004 23:44

right we're all agreed - men are wankers

Original poster
amialoneinthis · 15/11/2004 08:55

Right, so I am alone in this.
But I will still believe what I believe, and I don't think that my dh is a liar.
I'm just very blessed to have found someone like him - he's obviously a very rare breed!

OP posts:
motherinferior · 15/11/2004 16:21

My partner doesn't own porn. He doesn't like it. I asked him once, and he said it would be different if he knew it was made by women cheerily exploring their own sexuality, but somehow knowing a bit about the sex industry put him off rather. I'd be bloody scandalised if he went to a strip club. And I'd feel very, very on edge about my body versus the bodies on display there. I don't think I'm a sexual prude; I do think I'm quite easily threatened.

I also do not think my partner's sexuality is a ravening beast that has to, just has to, consume anything vaguely tottyish in its path because he is helplessly in thrall to its ferocious power. If I had that low an opinion of men, I wouldn't live with one.

cockle · 15/11/2004 16:37

not alone on the porn/strip clubs thing - as I said on another thread, I object to the whole objectification thing in principle so if dh participated it would be a gross betrayal.

Daddypops is wrong. He may laugh up his sleeve thinking I'm naive to believe dh does not own porn but I think I know dh better than he does. There are strong, principled, honest men out there with an integrity that is not incompatible with a healthy sex drive. It is possible to be male AND to have a conscience about a sex industry that destroys women.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 16:40

You may well be right but I know women who think their dh's don't partake and I know that they do!

puddle · 15/11/2004 16:41

Cockle and MI - agree agree agree. My DP is the same. Some of the comments on men on this thread are quite depressing.

motherinferior · 15/11/2004 16:42

Actually, GdG, I'm not exactly sexually naive. I've put it about a fair bit in my time, and I've had my fair share of approaches from attached blokes. But I still don't think that all men buy/watch porn or commercialised sex. And I certainly don't think women should expect to quash any discomfort they may feel, on the basis that After All He's Just A Man.

cockle · 15/11/2004 16:43

I'm sure that's true Gobbledigook but I'd stake my life on it. Sorry.

cockle · 15/11/2004 16:45

Motherinf, that applies to me too. Absolutely. Honestly, these generalisations about men are sheer myths (used by men who want to partake as excuses to continue), and insulting to the numerous decent males out there.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 16:45

OK, not all, but I'd say it's the majority from the quick straw poll of those that I know.

I don't know one that doesn't at least have some mags and what's wrong with it anyway?

motherinferior · 15/11/2004 16:47

Actually, if I'm honest, one of the things I find hardest about porn is it makes me feel absolutely crappy about my own body. I don't look like those women. I certainly don't resemble a pole dancer. I don't want to be compared to them.

clare1980 · 15/11/2004 17:04

I dont think i am normal. i encourage my partner to look at porn and even offered to upgrade his very small porn collection and as for mastabation i find it a bit of a turn on.
I was also gonna get my male friends to take my fella to a strip club for his birthday as i thought he would enjoy it.
My partner loves me and i do not feel uncomfortable with him looking at other women.

dawnie1 · 15/11/2004 17:08

I'm the opposite, I'm very happy with my body and used to be a professional dancer until about 2 years ago so I am very confident about dancing in public (dressed). It the hypocrisy that annoys me - dh (says he doesn't but I know he is lying)loves looking at scantily clad women but HATES me wearing anything other than sack cloth and ashes (okay I exaggerate slightly but ykwim). If he believes the whole idea of strip clubs, lap dancing clubs, porn is so acceptable then he really shouldn't have a problem with me doing it. But he would, big style - Hypocrite !

cockle · 15/11/2004 17:39

motherinf, don't you think that's one of the many ways in which it undermines women in general?

Munnzieb · 15/11/2004 17:49

i don't think men who fantasie are nessecarily comparing their spouce to whom eva of what ever they had senn or watched or what ever previously. but as i said before, I don't mind DH looking at porn, if it means he doesn't venture into sexual contact with anyone else (not that I think he would do), I wouldn't mind him using a strip club once to see what it was like, BUT. I would mind if it became a regular occurance at the clubs, and was thinking and fantasizing of other women when we were together. The fact that my body is not the same as theirs wouldn't bother me unless he started to make comments about it.

tamum · 15/11/2004 17:58

Just want to add my vote to MI and cockle's. I know for sure that dh would not go to a strip club, he'd be appalled at the prospect. I can't actually imagine having much respect for a man who wanted to go to one to be honest. And no, I'm not inexperienced or naive either.

fio2 · 15/11/2004 18:02

my husband wouldnt go to a strip club either!!! and I dont care what assumptions you come to about me

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