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Original poster

Did your partner come to antenatal classes with you?

35 replies

Flossam · 14/10/2004 06:41

Did anyone else find that their partners couldn't make it? Did you go alone or did you employ someone else?!

OP posts:
Carameli · 14/10/2004 07:02

Hi Flossam, My dh was so busy running a big multi-million pound project at work so there was no way he could miss so many mornings. Have to admit it annoyed me a bit a first. But when I actually went to the first class there was only 1 woman out of about 15 I think that had her dh with her.
They had an evening session that dads could come along to and ask all the questions they wanted.

snmum · 14/10/2004 07:09

we went to one together, then we gave up. There were a few people without there husbands there, dont worry

jampot · 14/10/2004 07:10

i went to an afternoon class and went on my own (as did most other women) and it was great. I met a really good friend there whose baby was due 3 weeks before my due date and we shared the same first name and our surnames were similar. We used to have a real good laugh and the midwife called us "the twins" and all the way through told us our babies would be born on the same day. In the end mine came a week early and hers 2 weeks late - on the same day !!!!

marthamoo · 14/10/2004 07:21

I went on my own with both babies. The first class there was nly one dh there (there were about 15 women in the class) and, tbh, I found him quite off-putting: it's hard to ask the questions you realy want to ask with someone else's dh sitting there! The ice never really broke at that group (I am not saying that was all down to that one poor man!) and I didn't keep in contact with any of them.

With ds2 there were no men present and it was great (oh, call me sexist!) It was a small group - only 5 of us - and everyone opened up straight away and got down to the nitty gritty of childbirth. We are all still friends who meet up regularly 3 years on.

Dh came to the evening hospital tour/Q&A/try out the gas and air and make an *rse of yourself both times though - and personally I think that was enough. You forget everything they've told you when you're in labour anyway

marthamoo · 14/10/2004 07:24

Jampot - that's amazing . We had 3 babies born within 10 days of each other in December (2nd, 7th [mine] and 12th) so we all managed to miss each other in hospital! The last two were born in January. We still have a joint birthday/Christmas party too!

throckenholt · 14/10/2004 07:25

some I went to on my own - some DH came with me - I think that was the case for most people in the sessions.

handlemecarefully · 14/10/2004 08:44

No he didn't, but then again I only attended one class and it bored my socks off. I picked up most of what I needed to know by reading and talking to other women who had already given birth.

bundle · 14/10/2004 09:30

they should be compulsory for men, imo

JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 09:33

yes most had partners/dh with them. think he enjoyed them more than me tbh. I liked the NCT ones though as they were more intimate

Original poster
Flossam · 14/10/2004 09:37

I'm feeling quite stroppy about it TBH! I've had this date for two days since August, then last night he realised he had everything wrong and has a 'training' week that week. I only expected him to come to the one day, where the labour is discussed, the relaxation (!) etc. The next day is about breast feeding. I really thought that everyone went in couples. I would like to go with him really, but I'm doubtful I'll be able to change my date this late on, by the time the appiontment is due I'll already by 36 weeks so not too much time to play with! Think because he hasn't been the best behaved DP of late I'm expecting him to make more of an effort.

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 09:43

Awww flossam. Have you got a close friend who can go? I went with one of mine when her dh couldn't. Mind you I think she may have regretted it as I was a bit gobby

Angeliz · 14/10/2004 09:43

DP did got with me to the first ones.
Reading marthamoo's thread really makes me want to get my finger out and book again now (am 21 weeks). I was sort of hanging between wanting to and not bothering but i want to again now!!

Flossam, mine were in the evening, is that something you could check??

Original poster
Flossam · 14/10/2004 09:48

No it's the way they do them at my hospital. This is the thing you see, I think I'd be able to get my mum up on the day it is at the moment, she is planning to try and be there for my labour. DP won't check for definate if he can have the time off work any other time and it is making things rather complicated!

OP posts:
annh · 14/10/2004 09:52

We did the couples classes through NCT which were in the evening anyway so dh did come to all except one of them. In fact, I was abroad for the breast feeding class which was held at a different location so he went on his own and took copious notes which he then presented to me!

Angeliz · 14/10/2004 09:53

Flossam, have you told him outright that you are upset about it as i know with my dp he'd only realise months later that it was actually something that bothered me!!

JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 09:53

Try not to get too stressed flossam and put you and baby first. I know I'd be steaming but your health's so important hun

think it's daft though if they're not on an evening.

Original poster
Flossam · 14/10/2004 09:57

Ohh, I think he knows it's bothering me! I think he worries more about not being a problem at work though IYSWIM.

OP posts:
JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 10:02

Are his bosses ogres flossam?

Original poster
Flossam · 14/10/2004 10:06

No he's in the police and I get the impression that at work he is a very well behaved, kind and ohh, I hope I'm not too much trouble type! It's a shame he can't be the other way round!!

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 14/10/2004 10:08

My partner was working on the night of parentcraft classes so i always went alone - made loads of friends so it didnt bother me that i was alone. If DH couldnt make other antenatals i had a list of parents and sisters queing up to get a chance to hear the heartbeat

tarantula · 14/10/2004 10:10

My dp couldnt come with me due to work commitments but also had the notion of "done it before so I know what its all about" (hes got a son of 13). That opinion as you can imagine didnt go down well with me at all!!! Nor did him saying J (his x) didnt bother with all that carp GGGRRRR!! so my revenge was to bore him rigid by droning on and on about all the things they told us and insisting that he read all the notes and go through all the exercises etc together he he. I didnt mention that most of the women didnt bring their partners either.

JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 10:12

lol tarantula

Poo2 · 14/10/2004 10:12

My dh is self-employed so coldn;t really afford to take loads of evenings off for the NHS classes, so we compromised. I went to one set of NHS ones in the day, and then we both did an NCT course over 2 weekends. Best of both worlds really - I could ask embarrasing questions at the NHS ones, and made loads of mates at the NCT ones.

JuniperDewdrop · 14/10/2004 10:13

Is that a possibility for you flossam, NCT?

Uwila · 14/10/2004 11:09

My DH didn't go either. He was working in Ireland at the time, and so couldn't go. And that not to say that I never held it against him. But, I've gotten used to having to do things for myself during the week. I wasn't going to change his decision to go to work inIreland. But I knew that I could choose whether or not to go myself. So I went. Actually I only went to some of them. I was working contract at the time so time away from work would have been unpaid.

I personally found it rather sexist that the classes that men joined at were in the evening by we working mums were expected to take time off of work. I'm aware that I haven't got much company on this opinion. But, I just thought "what the Hell. Do I have to do it all?" I'm the one whose pregnant and your going to accommodate the fathers' schedules?!?!

Sorry, a bit off topic. In the end, I would lay down the law and tell him he was going if he could.