Mothers with teenagers.

[TrixysMom]

Ok, I am going to go out of a limb here, since all I read about are the mother's/parents of younger children. I am a mother of two. My daughter is 16 and my son is 11. Are there any websites, or message board/chats for such? I have a few questions and opinions that I would like to share with other mothers of teenagers. And also getting others opinions on matters. The help would be greatly appreciated.

Trixysmom,welcome!
There ARE several mumsnetters with teenage kids. Go right ahead and post your questions and you will get a response.
Also , it might interest you to go to the top of the page and click on "topics".
The last topic on the list is Teenagers and you can have a look through some of the old threads and see if there is anything of interest there.
It is good for us mums of littlies to see what kind of things are in store for us in a few years' time

Thank you very much. My questions lean more towards harsh reality that come with having older teenagers. My daughter has came to me, in full confidence to tell me that she is now sexually active. So, my question is: What is the safest/strongest form of birth control that she can use, with minimal side affects. I have tried her on the pill, and she seems to forget to take them. So, I have taken the responsibility of putting her on the Depo Provera injection. She had the injection just this past Wed. and now she is experiencing some minor side affects, ie......rash on the body and a low fever. Is this normal for a woman to experience this, the first time to receive the injection?

TrixysMom, all I can say is my heart goes out to you. The only thing worse than having a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son is a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son (ALL my friends' sons have gone loopy at 12). I hope you make it through the next few years without killing yourself and them.
Shouldn't you contact your gp or whoever did the Depo Provera injection regarding these side effects. They sound like they are probably worth getting a little concerned about.
Don't forget to remind your daughter to use condoms as well to prevent std's. Even if she is in an exclusive relationship. You don't have to remind her as she may not want to hear it, but just because she thinks she is in an exclusive relationship, her partner may not.

Thanks SofiaAmes.... I can only call tomorrow as they are not open today. I did call the hospital yesterday and they gave me some tips to keep her under control (Benedryl) until I can get her in to see her doctor. My daughter and I have a very open relationship, we talk about everything. I DO keep condoms in stock, for anyone that needs them. Not to say that it is ok, to have sex, but to inforce the protection. I pretty much have my nerves under control. LOL.... I do not look forward to having this talk with my son. But I do beleive that he is not going to be that curious any time soon.crossing fingers

Hi and welcome, Trixysmum. I've got older children as well as a 6yr old DD. My boys are 27 and 23 and I have a 15yr old DD. I haven't got to the contraception for girls stage yet, so don't have anything useful to add, but there are a number of mums of teenagers here.

Trixysmum, I have daughters of 17 and 20. They are both on the pill, but do remember to take it as far as I know - I know nothing about Depo-Provera so can't help with side-effects, but if you are really worried about her forgetting and not being protected then it sounds like the most sensible option for her. Might the rash just be a coincidence?

I think the other reliable alternative would be a coil but maybe she's a bit young? (Ask GP again!)

Mine also carry condoms - I cannot believe how much all this has changed since I was their age, my mother would have fainted if I'd tried to talk to her about this! - nothing like belt and braces - they are pretty well up on STDs and other risks and I am just hoping now that they are old enough and smart enough not to take chances.

My DS1 is just 14 but hasn't hit puberty yet - poor lad, all his friends are a head taller than him, he feels it a bit I think. (Late puberty runs in family though.) We haven't reached the stage of having The Talk and he is quite well-informed anyway now, from school, various leaflets and 2 older sisters, and friends of course but goodness knows what bravado he gets from them.

It is a tough time and it is good to talk to others in the same situation. HTH!

Thanks SueDonim, it's good to know that us mothers that have teenagers can come here to ask and inform ourselves of things that our mothers had no way of dealing with, except on their own.

janh,

My goodness, how things have changed since we were kids. Like you, my mother would have fainted at the question, but I too am glad that we (as mothers) are much more open to these things with our kids.
The rash just might be a coincidence, but it's better to be safe than sorry. The coil I have no clue as to what that means? IUD?
Yes, the schools pretty much keep the kids up to snuff on the effects of STD's, but they are not around when it comes time to remind our kids to take the pill or give them whatever they need to help prevent pregnancy. Thank Goodness for Mumsnet....Kudos to all the mothers!!

Trixysmom, actually my mother would have killed me first and then she would have fainted!

Sorry, yes, I meant IUD when I said coil, I had one between taking the pill and having my first child and they were generally called "the coil" then (like "the pill" ).

They can cause cramping and heavier bleeding though, at least the old ones could, I don't know what they're like now. But if it would be OK for her it would last for a few years, I think D-P has to be topped up?

Have you checked with the doctor yet? (It has just dawned on me that you may be American and we have a time difference!)

janh, yes, I am in America.....Texas to be exact. The IUD to me, is not a good idea for her, she is still a bit young for it. She already has bad enough periods. I do believe she is going to be like me and have horrible cramps and heavy bleeding. Although I have had my tubes cut, tied and burned, I have even worse periods now that I have had this procedure.
I am sorry for my ignorance with the initials, but I don't know what D-P means, or any of the other initials. I am about to call her Doctor now, as we speak. Hopefully she will have positive answers for me and my daughter. Thanks for everything.

I have a 10 year old who thinks she is a teenager!

All I can say is that when I was 16 (am now 35) I went on the pill then told my mother afterwards. She was relieved that I had been so sensible I think, as it turned out she had been discussing me with my older sister and they were going to persuade me to take the pill anyway! The problem with the depo provera injection is that it is a 3 monthly dose, so if you prove to be intolerant to it (headaches etc) then you have to wait for the 3 months to be up and for the symptoms to go, whereas with the pill if you react badly then you can just stop taking it. I would think your daughter would be considered too young to have an iud inserted. Is it possible that you could take control of her pills and give them to her at a set time, like when she is getting dressed in the mornings? As the pill doesn't provide barrier protection from std's then using condoms as well , as suggested by sofiaames would be a good idea. There is also the diaphragm, but I would think it was a bit too fiddly for a 16 year old to want to bother with to be honest. And don't forget to congratulate yourself for being the kind of parent your daughter can talk to about this!

Thanks Lou33,
Sounds like a typical child. I also was put on the pill at the age of 16, by my mother, after a very horrible ordeal. I wish not to go into the details of such. I wanted to protect my daughter, even before she came to me with this, to try to avoid what I went through. But kids will be kids and they have to learn on their own. In my opinion. Except for life threatening situations, we take into our own hands, and protect them as we see fit. As I stated before, my daughter and I have a great relationship dealing with personal agenda's. I do pat myself on the back for being such an open mom, and not jump to conclusions without hearing the details.
I, myself am horrible at taking meds everyday, so I thought that the Depo Provera Injection would be much easier to administer for her. And also be more reliable. Her rash has subsided, and the fever is gone as of this morning. Hopefully everything is ok now and I just got worried for no reason. It's better to be safe than sorry.

The IUD is not recomended if you have not had a child. There is an incresed risk of pelvic inflamatory disease and infertility in patients using the IUD. Young age and not having children are both regarded as cautions agains it's use. The British National Formulary states that it should only be a last resort in young women who have not had a child.

D-P is depo Provera, which is an injected hormonal contraceptive. It is given every 3 months.

Do you have the equvalent of a family planning clinic in THe US.. In the UK they run clinics especialy for the young, and these can be excellent. Teenagers often take 'telling' from someone other than Mum or Dad.

All credit to you for being so open with your daughter. She is a lucky girl.

Hope all goes well.