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Original poster

asking for money for honeymoon as a wedding present

23 replies

anonymoususername1 · 28/09/2015 17:04

.....downright cheeky or "practical"?
someone I know has recently sent out wedding invites. They've stated as gifts they'd like money towards a luxury honeymoon they couldn't afford otherwise.

My motto in life has always been "if you can't afford it, don't buy it". Am shocked to think someone would come out and ask for money for such a luxury. If I give someone a wedding gift it is to start them off on their life together e.g. house thing from gift list or cheque if they are saving for a mortgage.

What's your reaction MN? Am trying to gauge if my reaction is reasonable, "old fashioned" (I'm in my 30's) or out of touch with current ettiquette.

OP posts:

VinylScratch · 28/09/2015 17:07

I don't see a problem with it although I know a lot of posters on here do. It makes no difference to me if I'm buying something from a gift list or giving the cash equivalent for the couple to do what they want with.

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 28/09/2015 17:09

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Memories are more meaningful to me than things, so I'd rather my money went towards a lovely experience than towards B&Q vouchers (which I was once asked for, but hated giving).

Original poster

anonymoususername1 · 28/09/2015 17:10

Surely there is a difference thought between money for them to do whatever they want with, versus money they have specifically asked for to go and lie on a beach?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/09/2015 17:12

I love it. I love being asked for money as a wedding present.

I am very happy to give money especially as I am very fond of friends and relatives whose weddings I am invited to. What they would like is fine by me.

Also it is very easy. No thought required. Just pop £10 or £200 in a card. Easy peasey.

I am in an MN minority though.

Lunastarfish · 28/09/2015 17:12

Im actually very happy to contribute to honeymoon. I don't like requests for cash/vouchers as the bride/groom could spend it on themselves (one friend asked for acadia vouchers - no love I'm not paying for your winter wardrobe) and it saves me hunting for a present.

I'm happy to pay towards a once in a lifetime experience

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/09/2015 17:13

If they haven't asked specifically for gifts I personally don't see the problem. You can give as little or as much as you deem fit and they're not left with a load of duplicate gifts or stuff they'll never use

Queenbean · 28/09/2015 17:14

If you give them money it's not really any of your business what they spend it on - a gift is a gift

MoonSandwich · 28/09/2015 17:14

I wouldn't ask for money or for presents but I have no problem with it at all, as long as it's worded politely.
Most people only want to buy presents that the recipients actually want so are happy to pay towards a special holiday.
The tradition of buying household things for newlywed is very dated for most couples as its normal for couples to already be living together before getting married.

LoveChickens · 28/09/2015 17:16

I don't mind it. We asked for donations towards our honeymoon. The people that didn't want to, got us a gift. It really doesn't bother me, in fact I prefer it. I would rather give them something they want.

Original poster

anonymoususername1 · 28/09/2015 17:16

I suppose different things appeal to different people. I like spending time choosing out a gift I think the couple will like (if they don't have a gift list. Obviously if they do have a gift list I choose something I'd like to give them off that). To me money towards lying on a beach isn't personal. It's only going to be used once etc

OP posts:

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 28/09/2015 17:17

Forgot to say that the absolute worst thing, for me as a guest, is no gift list or indication of what they'd like. Obviously I am not going to turn up empty handed and I am likely to spend a fair amount, so I want to know that it won't be wasted. In that situation, I give cash anyway.

MinnieF1 · 28/09/2015 17:17

I don't see a problem with it. These days, couples tend to live together for a year or two at least before getting married. Nobody needs two toasters/kettles/microwaves/cutlery sets.

The cheesy poems asking for money are cringe worthy though.

Original poster

anonymoususername1 · 28/09/2015 17:18

Do you mind if I ask lovechickens, were you annoyed/offended at the people who were invited to your wedding, and came to your wedding, but gave you a gift of a "thing" instead of money towards your holiday?

OP posts:

LineyReborn · 28/09/2015 17:18

I'd rather stick twenty quid in a card and have done with it. But I don't really like weddings and appreciate any chance to opt out of the slapstick pageantry.

LoveChickens · 28/09/2015 17:20

No of course not! I feel the presents thing is very awkward. It was for us. In our invites we said we would rather not have any presents, we just wanted your company. But naturally people kept asking and asking as they wanted to give us something, so we said money towards the honeymoon or whatever they felt was right for them. Some people have nothing and that was fine too.

LoveChickens · 28/09/2015 17:21

Some people gave nothing that should say

LineyReborn · 28/09/2015 17:21

OP, I appreciate though that you do like choosing gifts and I admire you for that. I am a nuptial grouch.

Charliej86 · 28/09/2015 17:47

I'm getting married next year and will be asking for money towards a honeymoon, tho not necessarily a luxury one were more than happy with a long weekend in Scarborough.
We have a home with everything we need as we have 3 children so why would we ask for new toaster/microwave/hoover etc.
Saying this I don't expect to be given money it's the guests decision

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 03/10/2015 13:01

I hate cash requests, it's grasping and vulgar. Wedding gift lists available on request are fine but rude to mention presents at all until asked.

I won't gift money, it feels like an entrance fee to the day itself.

If they can't afford a honeymoon they can save longer or cut back on the wedding costs.

ShelaghTurner · 03/10/2015 13:45

Don't mind at all. Presumably if you're going to their wedding it's someone you know and like/love so why would you not want them to enjoy themselves or treat themselves. If you feel it's grasping then you can't be that find of the couple, in which case stay at home!

ShelaghTurner · 03/10/2015 13:46

*fond

Whatsername24 · 18/10/2015 21:16

My cousin's son and his now wife were saving to buy a house and asked for money towards the deposit when they married last year, which seemed a good idea when we received the invitation...but I felt a bit annoyed before the wedding when photos of them out on the town every weekend were posted on Facebook, they went on a pre-wedding holiday to Egypt and he bought a PS4 and several games, plus they'd booked a honeymoon in Barbados. A good few thousand pounds spent that would've gone towards the deposit!

LineyReborn - I'm a wedding grouch too! DH's nephew announced his engagement last month and I was hoping they'd have a long engagement or do us a favour and marry abroad but no, they've set the date for next Summer. I'm already Grrr'ing at the thought of it all, especially as the in laws live a distance away so it'll be a couple of days in their company

PorcupineNecktie · 22/10/2015 20:32

Doesn't bother me in the slightest, assuming it's done nicely. I'm on a much lower wage than all my friends and whenever there's a wedding normally I have the panic of buying them something that's not "high quality" (they probably wouldn't care, they're lovely, but I would).

The last wedding I went to however, they had a "money for honeymoon instead" rule and I gave them £10 which was all I could afford.

Friend texted me when they got back and said thank you, without my £10 they wouldn't have been able to get their boozy taxi home! I thought that was lovely.

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