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Original poster

This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

1014 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 20:40

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

OP posts:
eighteenstonesix · 03/11/2008 13:55

Thing is,no matter how old you get,you just don't forget.I was 25 when it happened...i'm 40 now....One thing I do think though...and this is no excuse for eating and drinking too much cos I obviously do...but...I think I started putting the weight on after the incident.I was quite curvaceous in my 20's and I knew I could use my body to attract.I still think psychologically I started to make myself unattractive after that incident.

Mhamai · 03/11/2008 13:56

Please, will someone link this thread to the above thread in "Other subjects" titled Rape, myths and attitudes? thank you.

GentleOtter · 03/11/2008 13:57

Yes at six years old by a neighbour and at 14 on the first night of moving to a new village. I did not report it as he threatened to slit my throat with the knife he used to rape me with.

mumof2222222222222222boys · 03/11/2008 13:58

Me never. However within a couple of months at university when I ws about 19 I got flashed at twice. I did have sex with a few completely unsuitable men at teh same time and regretted it - but it was my fault and rape was not an appropriate description. I drank rather too much at that time in my life.

mumof2222222222222222boys · 03/11/2008 13:58

PS I meant in that year - not an orgy or anything.

ggglimpopo · 03/11/2008 13:59

reported. went to court. he went to prison.

spicemonster · 03/11/2008 14:02

I was raped on a first date by a man who deliberately drank too much so he couldn't drive home and then raped me while I slept.

He didn't consider that he'd raped me when we discussed it the next day (I have since wondered if he drugged me as I am normally a very light sleeper and I went back to sleep after it had happened although he was still in the house).

I didn't report it

cornsilkpyrotechnicqueen · 03/11/2008 14:04

yes I suspected it (alcohol involved.)unreported.
Also have had what would probably be described as a stalker - though not for a long time. Weird bloke on holiday followed me about when back in the UK. Was eventually picked up by the police while carrying a knife apparently (his friend rang and told me.) I do still kind of worry about him actually, at the back of my mind.

scaryfucker · 03/11/2008 14:14

yes, date rape here, unreported

nice guy, knew him

wouldn't take no for an answer

when it was over I tried to tackle him about it, he laughed it off, he had no idea he had done wrong

I didn't take it further as we were alone together, my word against his, I was very young and going through a fairly promiscuous phase and thought I wouldn't be believed

I still see him out and about occasionally, and he still looks at me like I am the mad one

PortoTreasonandPlot · 03/11/2008 14:29

!!!

I am literally gobsmacked by how many of you this has happened to!!

Me - never, and I don't know anyone either - or at least not anyone who's admitted to it.

Saz36 · 03/11/2008 14:35

hmm - I have only ever talked to a couple of people about it and my DH. Most people I know would have absolutely no idea.

Spaceman · 03/11/2008 14:38

I'm so moved by this thread. You are all so brave. It's made me realise that you don't know half of what makes a person and I'm going to be more mindful of this in the future.

I have my own stories but I can't talk about them as i've learnt to cope over the years by putting them down to 'experience'.

I do have a DD and this thread has refreshed my concerns about her growing up. BUT I also have a DS. Whereby this thread is proof that boys and men are too often the victim, 99 percent of these attacks involve a male perpertrator. How are we bringing up our boys so that this is so commonplace I wonder? What can we do so that the boys we bring up know what bounderies are and don't cross the line? We are worried about our DD's but all of these perpertrators are somebody's son too. Sorry if this point has already been made (I expect it has), it's a long thread and I've only read about four pages.

cheesesarnie · 03/11/2008 14:39

reading this.i cant begin to imagine.

me-never.

beanieb · 03/11/2008 14:39

not me, though I was a victim of an attempted assault when I was 7.

Spidermama · 03/11/2008 14:41

Me. Unreported.

Spidermama · 03/11/2008 14:42

Interesting thread. It so shocking when you really think about the figures. I will catch up with this later.

Lauriefairycake · 03/11/2008 14:45

my mum, gang-raped, unreported, resulted in a child who was then forcibly adopted, and then she was kicked out by her stepmother.

Me, not raped but sexually assaulted twice, flashed at twice, followed home once.

MerlinsBeard · 03/11/2008 14:50

oh, i had forgotten this thread

scaryfucker · 03/11/2008 14:50

laurie, that is bloody awful (for you both)

NomDePlume · 03/11/2008 14:53

Spaceman, I know that it is a cliche but there is such a sexualised culture now that I think sexual violence is only going to increase.

The trouble is the greyer areas, the situations where 2 people have both been consensual (implied consent) up to the 11th hour and one partner says no. Of course 'no' means no, but I can understand that in some cases it would be possible for a person to not take the murmured no as "no, please stop" given that the behaviour up to then has been leading to sex. Please do not think that I mean that women who say no at the 'underwear off' stage are asking to be assaulted, I don't mean that at all. But I can see that the consent line is blurred in those situations

Or perhaps those where the other partner looks uncomfortable or unhappy (but not to the point of pushing off or making their objections clear) but doesn't actually say "no". Supposedly that could also be taken as rape ?

We need to tell our boys that they need to be sure that the other partner is 100% consenting, as much for their protection as that of their prospective partner

AussieLou · 03/11/2008 14:54

unreported - date raped when drunk by a 'friend' who told my other friends he would take me home after a uni ball.

longtimeagonow · 03/11/2008 14:54

God, only got through the first 10 pages, some really horrific stories here. Laurie your poor mother, stomach churning.
Me, not sure, is it rape when you are really pissed and you don't realise what is happening until it is all too late? I was 16 and a virgin, not my finest hour at all, he was much older, I was naieve and vunerable, obviously never reported. I became very promiscuous later, I think that my first experience led to a unhealthy attitude towards sex. I hope my daughter has a positive experience of sex.

HeadFairy · 03/11/2008 14:54

This thread has really shocked me. When I think of the silly things I did I'm very lucky nothing so awful has ever happened to me. I'm so sad for everyone who's been violated in this way. So awful.

The terrible thing is I have a friend who's an alcoholic and a drug addict (she's clean now, hasn't had a drink or taken drugs for nearly four years) who told my friend and I on a night out that she'd been raped a couple of times, both times because she'd been out of it and sleeping rough because she was so wasted she couldn't get home. We were really supportive but privately admitted to each other we were doubtful as she had such a tenuous connection to reality when she was at her worst. I have never stopped feeling guilty for doubting her even for a second. She didn't report it either as they were tramps, she couldn't identify them, and as an coked up alcoholic there was no way she was going to get a fair hearing. Thank God she's happy, clean and in a very loving relationship now.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 03/11/2008 14:55

me - unreported and sexually assaulted as a young teenager - I think someone else reported the man as he was convicted of something or other.

MrsNormanMaine · 03/11/2008 14:59

Flashed at many times - especially when at school - mostly reported and in one case led to arrest of habitual flasher - by police dressed in our school uniform. Assaulted - reported - also at school - and had transport police accompany me home during the time in question.

My mother was assaulted as a child and raped - never reported - that was in the late 30's and the rape in 1951 at a party.

Have a friend raped travelling in Australia and most people I know assaulted one way or another - including male friends - not gay necessarily but subject to unwanted physical attention - all (not surprising this) unreported. Also friend assaulted regularly by her father - as was one of her sisters. The other one wasn't for some reason - but all unreported although their mother has left him now she knows.

DH was at a boarding school for some of his education and although he escaped this, one of his teachers is now in prison following a series of sex crimes against boys. Many came forward to testify but was unreported for many years.

Sorry for all involved in such miserable experiences and hope life is good now.

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