This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

repeatedly by ex bf - unreported

All unreported,

3 cases of sexual assault when sleeping, one got as far as penetration. All aquaintances, one was a friends husband and she was sleeping upstairs. I never told anyone about it. Fortunatley all men stopped when I woke

1 attempted rape with force, he stopped when I screamed for help. Date rape situation.

2 cases of being grabbed in the street.

In all the 4 cases of assault there had been no physical contact previously with any of these men. They were all men that I was not sexually attracted to. Not that that makes any difference.

As the mother of 3 boys I hope to god that they would never do anything like this. When they are older I will be talking to them about how they must never, ever do anything to a girl/woman unless they are 101% sure that she has consented, and that having sex with someone who is incapacitated through alcohol is rape. Young men have so much physical strength and power; I hope I bring them up to realise this and never take advantage of it.

Me - abused as a kid, raped as an adult. I didn't report the abuse.
I reported teh rape I suffered as an adult and was treated appallingly. Cps asked me if I has made it up. They were totally disinterested as they couldn't get a conviction - my word against his. Not very encouraging.

me-unreported. i was young and stupid and naiive and thought i had encouraged him. i had been a bit 'flighty' and couldnt go through with the shame of all the details being brought up.

Groped and kissed forcibly (is that assault?) by a 54 yr old, my friends' Dad on a regular basis. I was 14. Unreported. I felt all along I must have led him on, by talking to him and being friendly.

My sister was assulted by her DH on a few occasions. We managed to get him convicted twice. The first time he only got a fine, community service and told to go to anger management.
The second time he slit my sisters throat with a knife and it was touch and go for a while as the cut was only 3mm away from her main artery. He got sentanced to two years in prison but only served 10m!!!

I think that people are put off from reporting it because the chances are the attacker will either get away with it or have a very short conviction.

OK, not sure if these count:

1. Dad's cousin who was around 50 shoved his tongue in my mouth at his mothers funeral during the polite goodbye kiss. I was 14 and barely knew the guy.

2. Ex pretended he had put on a condom on but hadn't. I realised when noticed unused condom and made him get off me which he did, - after a bit!

I was disturbed by both experiences but don't think I would have got very far with reporting, and fortunately aren't as horrific as many other womens experiences.

Not assaulted or raped but was flashed at by an old guy when I was about 12 or so. Reported.

Oh and on a London bus a 'youth' flashed at my friend and I saying 'hey ladies, what do you think of this', - to which my friend replied

'hmmm, it looks like a penis, only smaller'!

Should have reported him on reflection. Not sure why we didn't!

Me (more than once). Unreported.

coming back to add the other unreported incidents from me....

a friends dad forced himself on me when I was 13 and just beginning to develop. made me very very wary of all dads for a long time after.
my cousins husband, when my cousin was heavily pregnant. didn;t tell about him until after they broke up (becuase he had multiple affairs when she was pregnant).
and I was assulted in a pub restroom by a landlord when I was trying to clean myself up after my very drunk friend threw up on me. I was 16, and not supposed to be in a pub, so was too scared to say anything to anyone.

Me. Unreported. I was too young and didn't understand what had happened. Didn't tell anyone for about 4 years.

This is an incredibly revealing thread.

I am stunned.

Would it be awful to bring it to the attention of mnhq? I know that mumsnet has campaigned on various parenting related issues and I realise this isn't as such. BUT. apparently it has affected a great deal of its membership.

An article or a chance to pool thoughts, experiences and advice would surely be a good thing.

me - attempted rape and he tried to kill me. Complete stranger. Was out walking one bright sunday afternoon. It was reported as a mum and a daughter found me out on the road calling for help very distressed. Thank you so much to them who ever they are. He was caught very quickly - given 6 months suspended sentence, £200 fine.

On the basis of the honesty here I know I should add my own experiences, but I don't quite feel up to it tonight.

I salute all you brave women.

Assaulted three times by three strangers (all when living abroad) First one was naive 14 year old and wasn't really sure what had happened. Second one reported and he pleaded guilty, third one unreported.

Me. Unreported.

Me repoted...

was on train, i stopped train and no one was allowed off when in station... police let on train and areested that B***D and he went off in hand cuffs, with passengers shouting obscene abuse at him (we had all been delayed for an hour)

I IDENTIFIED him at the time, he had also crawled passed the gaurds carrage, so pretty good evidence that it was him as he swapped carriages, by crawling past ...

anyway they didnt have any evidence that it was him so he got off compleyetly free as in court the oifficial ID proceudres hadnt been followed

apparently they should have doen an ID parade (they didnt) I could have identifed him at the time (I could identify him now 5 years later) but its all in the past anyway.

Oh and in the mean time he did the same to someone else who reported it (and god knows how many people who didnt report it)

(and just to add i didnt let him as far as properly raping me as i managed to pull the emergancy handle to stop train just in time, but it was pretty close and lucky i managed to reach it)

slur - don't feel that you ought to, its not worth stirring up feelings if you aren't in the right place.

my mum - unreported

After seeing how a friend was treated* when she took her abuser to court I dont think I would ever report if (touch wood) anything like that happened to me

*by the press, the community, by now ex friends, by the legal system

cheers, kitten. I won't tonight. am happy tonight.

But am impressed by you all.

Just read most of this thread and there are some horrific and heartbreaking experiences.

ok
1st - 16 yrs old, works night out boss got me drunk (He had been buying my drinks as I ws too young too drink.) and when we ended up at one of workmates houses I asked where the toilet was and boss showed me to what I thought was the bedroom. Turns out it was the bedroom where he raped me and told me that noone would ever believe me cos I ws a stupid drunk wee lassie and it was his word against against mine.
I locked myself in the bathroom afterwards and he told everyone i was feeling sick. He was the lift home for the night as he was the only one not drinking. I thought noone new what had happened but when I got to work on the MOnday he had made up some bullshit about me coming onto him and so had to put up with some really shitty comments etc while he was all nicey nicey to me. A couple of months later it was the christmas night out and I decided I was going just because I new how much some of them didnt want me to go ,as I had done nothing wrong(I dont know now how i was so strong back then)
ANyway a couple of us had arranged to stay at someones house and I had left earlier with him (to go to his house to sleep, he was one of the few people I worked with who believed what had happened originally) A coupl of hours later boss appears at the door (it was a flat) so guy whose house it was said youre not coming up so he said ok and we thought he had left. WHen other people who were staying arrived he just followed them in. He said he wanted a word so I went into hall to talk to him and he said fancy a bit of what we had the last time. Ill use a condom this time if you want . I walked away back into the room and he followed like nothing hd been said. He left just after. So called friend then turned round and said you know I went with him the last time cos he couldnt finish off with you cos you wouldnt stay still.
I left that job a month later, would have been a fantastic career if none of it had happened. It was 14 yrs ago but the company went tits up about a year ago and they all lost their jobs on the spot. What a shame.

2nd- not long after 1st time but before i knew what she had done.was sitting in the above so called friends boyfriends taxi.(she wasnt their, he was giving me a lift) He stopped the car and turned round and said that he knew all about what had happened (obviously 'friend' had told him.) and had i enjoyed it cos he was going to remind me how it felt. He then raped me and dropped me off a couple of miles from home.

I couldnt tell anyone cos my mum was seriously ill at the time and was embarrassed.

I turned into a bit of a slapper and drunk a lot at the weekends for about the following yr as I felt like I had something i had to prove or justify or something, not sure what. luckily I never caught anything and calmed down.

It feels so good to have just written all this down, Ive never told anyone the whole story, After reading the other messages on thids thread I am just glad that although I had a couple of ba dexperiences I havent had anything as bad as some of you.

Assaulted twice aged 13 and 14 - one by a 'boyfriend', one by a teacher.

oh forgot to add both times were unreported.

I put my bad memories in a box in my head that doesnt get opened as thats my way of coping.