A letter sent in to today's Daily Mail went like this (not word perfect but as I remember). It's made me laugh all day.
I phoned the police when I looked out of my window and saw some people stealing from my shed. I was told there was no one to come out to help but they would send someone when they could.
I then phoned them back to say not to worry about sending anyone as I'd now shot the thieves! In a matter of minutes my house was surrounded by police cars and helicopters. The thieves were caught red handed and the policeman said to me I thought you said you'd shot them and I replied I thought you had no one to come out!