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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

I am an only child and if I don't invite my parents for christmas this year I will feel forever guilty.....................

17 replies

DrNortherner · 31/10/2008 14:16

And it is really hard to make dh understand that. Last year was the first year we didn't invite them, dh, ds and I had a wonderful day at home and we saw my parents on boxing day.

They live 95 miles away and do not drive. We bac easily get to see them traveling there and back in 1 day.

If they come to see us they come on coach/bus and stay for 5/6 days. This is too much for dh to cope with. He gets on with my Dad but my Mum and dh kind of grate on each other and then I find I am on edge and dh and I always end up arguing......because of this dh wants a repeat of last year (just teh 3 of us) and we go to see them on boxing day.

I feel sick at the thought of telling them this.

Any advice?

OP posts:

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thisisyesterday · 31/10/2008 14:18

can't you compromise and have them over but for less time?
or go to them for christmas day and spend christmas eve at home?

Iklboo · 31/10/2008 14:19

I'm an only child too. Hell will freeze over and the hole in mu bum heal up before ANYONE gets an Xmas day invite.
We do my folks on Xmas eve and DH's mum on boxing day (and probably his dad the Sunday before Xmas).
They should understand that you have your family now and DH and DS will come first on a special day

CarGirl · 31/10/2008 14:21

Could you go to your parents Christmas Day evening (get them to babysit!) stay overnight and come back boxing day evening?

Original poster

DrNortherner · 31/10/2008 14:24

Dh thinks that too Iklboo, do you think it is reasonable to see them on boxing day then?

You see, we also have to fit in dh's dad and step mum, plus dh's mum

Plus all my mums sisters go to their kids houses for lunch as my mum keeps telling me, but they all live close by. I'd love it if they could just come for lunch but they can't get here.

OP posts:

Mulanmum · 01/11/2008 00:02

Iklboo wrote: "They should understand that you have your family now and DH and DS will come first on a special day".

What a sad thing to say. Just because a child grows up, marries and has a child doesn't mean her parents are no longer her family

MollyCherry · 01/11/2008 10:19

Christmas as an only child - what a bloody nightmare!! Still haven't sorted ours out yet.

My Dh is one of 3 but his mum likes to rule the roost. She normally arranges something with one of his brothers, then expects us to fit in around it, regardless of the fact I have parents too and they only have me and DD.

2 years running we have had to drive to the Midlands from Sussex after Christmas lunch, to fit in with her. Last year we stayed home on our own and saw parents separately on Boxing Day, I took DD to mine in the morning, then he picked her up and took her round to his folks in the afternoon.

It spoils it for everyone, which is a shame as I always loved Christmas and would like to enjoy it even more now I have my own child. I also get on well with in-laws (apart from MIL who I can't stand and the feeling's mutual) but end up resenting his whole family as we keep getting this crap forced on us.

On a more practical note - could one of you pick them up and bring them back to you on Christmas Eve, then take them back day after Boxing Day if they have to come to you? I know it's expensive and a pita, but less so than a week long visit where you'll all be on edge, surely?

Earthymama · 01/11/2008 10:37

Can't they come on Christmas Eve, then you take them home on Boxing Day, have tea with them, come home and have weekend for you and your LO. Dh's family call in to see you and your parents.

Take this chance to make your own traditions; Save some prezzies for each of you to open on your day, cook an alternate Christmas dinner, I like to try radical things like red cabbage and parsnips in Parmesan that never featured in our Christmas meal

I lived miles away from my family for a long time, we spent ages travelling to see people.
After divorce, and as my mum grew more dependent, we always had Christmas with her at my house. She adored her grandchildren and great grandchildren but was always glad to get away from us all!!

She died a little while ago but will be with us in spirit this year I'm sure. My daughter struggles with pressures fom her in-laws so I just smile and see them when it suits. Christmas is stressful enough without all this. As long as I get to see everyone I love, eat some good food and several drinks all's well with the world.

I'll watch this thread and open it on Christmas Day with a hollow laugh I'm sure!!

lingle · 01/11/2008 11:32

My mother is a pain in the neck. My husband thinks so too.

But I think you ought to invite them and I think you think so too.

good luck!

PS Oh, and I think you know why!

Original poster

DrNortherner · 01/11/2008 17:15

Why do I know why?

OP posts:

MamaG · 01/11/2008 17:17

I really don't think YABU to not invite them on the day.

Is there any chance at all of you going to them for boxing day or something?

Tortington · 01/11/2008 17:21

i wouldnt feel guilty if there are two of them

i invied my mum and nan for many years when the kids were little bcuase they were both widowed.

consequently when we had out first xmas on out own when we moved 300 miles away - it seriously was the best fucking thng ever ever

we all got on- but ther is nopressure to do things or entertainl, to not argue or shout at the kids. happy happy bleedin; happy aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

now karma has her way, and i think we are going to have the inlaws for a good few years, and i cant;t really say anything cos dh put up with my mum and nan for years

needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 17:23

dh is an only and we never invite his parents. They prefer to go ski-ing.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 01/11/2008 17:24

Dh's answer is to spend boxing day with my folks, I guess that is a good compromise.

I just feel guilty.

OP posts:

MamaG · 01/11/2008 17:30

I think you should only feel guilty if its a lone parent as custardo said.

You aren't responsible for them, they're your family and spending Boxing day is a good compromise IMO

We NEVER spend Christmas with PIL ,sometimes do with my Mum and her DH but I never feel guilty if we say "nope, just us this year" (but I do have a sister so not quite the same as you)

lingle · 01/11/2008 19:52

because you'll feel guilty otherwise.

HSMM · 15/12/2008 13:09

I am picking my Mum up (at a time of my choosing) on Christmas Day and then taking her home on Boxing Day. That was the offer - take it, or leave it.

HollyCherry · 19/12/2008 12:59

Have you got yourself sorted Dr N?

We're having my parents for Christmas Day!! Was amazed when DH agreed to that one.

I now have the guilts because DD is having a sleepover at MIL's tomorrow and haven't had the balls to tell my mum yet as she'll be pissed off that we didn't ask them.

Am also having to skirt round the fact that DD will be dressed as an angel for Crib service on Christmas Eve. Last time my Mum turned up DD didn't want to know us and insisting on doing her little part in the service with my mum instead of DH who had been to the rehearsal with her - which cause 7 shades of you know what!

Hope it's all worked out for you - just wanted to sympathise really as it can be such a pita being an only at this time of year and it's v. difficult for people with siblings to understand, I think.

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